To think hospital should tell me what ward my family member is on?

[pinkyperkyyy]

My cousin is 44,he is a alcoholic and has isolated himself the last two years.
We used to be quite close but since he has started drinking he has dropped contact.
His mum,dad and brother are dead and he never married/had kids.
Today I found out (from someone in the street) he had a seizure and a brain bleed and was in hospital.
Obviously I wanted to check on him so I wanted to find out what ward he was on (massive hospital )
I called the admissions and explained and gave his full name.
She replied "date of birth"
I told her I didn't know this but I know he is late 40s.
She said I needed to give the exact date.
Then said "ok address"
I gave her the street name and said I didn't know the number (he only moved last year )
She said unless I told her house number she couldn't give me the ward.
I said that it was ridiculous,I didn't want any info about his condition just the ward so I could go up.
Anyway she wouldn't tell me as she said there might be 5 people with the same name ??
I said "what 5 people around late 40s ,same name and living in the same street"
Aibu to think it's ridiculous

He doesn't recognise anyone (according to the person who told me ) so asking to pass on a message would be pointless

Who is his next of kin?

I've got 30 first cousins. I only know the date of birth of 3 of them.

YABU. As others say, you could be anyone. My local hospital are very up on this and wouldn’t even give info to my mum about me when in labour.

You just aren't getting it, OP. They can't give you any info including the ward to just anyone. You aren't close, you don't know his information so they cant tell you anything. Hospitals have to protect their patients. YABVU

I’m very glad they didn’t tell you where he was! They have a duty of care to their patients. They cannot just give out their whereabouts to anyone who rings up asking for them.

Hospitals dont have to give out info. You could be anyone. If you want to get a message to him call PALS or the Chaplain and maybe they can visit him on the ward and he can call you if he wants you to.visit.

You need to ask his next of kin to phone.

Would you be happy If they’d given his details out to an abusive ex? Or a malicious “friend”? Or a loan shark? So they would know exactly where they could find him, alone and vulnerable?

You know that you mean him no harm; and have a perfectly logical reason for not knowing certain personal details; but surely you can appreciate that there is no possible way that the hospital is supposed to magically know that you only have his best interests at heart.

He may have asked for no visitors.

My gran requested that no one be told about anything when calling - condition, ward, anything. I found out from another relative the information. Which was baffling.

I don't know all my cousins' dates of birth or addresses, either, but if I needed to, I could easily find out. I think the hospital were doing exactly the right thing, I'm afraid.

Work in the NHS over the years heard all sorts trying to get info on inpatients. Had callers claiming they were a sister when the patient told me she didn't have a sister also had a neighbour calling to ask if a lady had had her baby yet as she saw the ambulance at the house. Absolutely not allowed to give any info out on patients unless they consent to it.

Hospital worker here! Absolutely agree they did the right thing. Yes it sounds unresonable but rules are rules.

If you are not his next of kin then you could literally be anyone.

Imagine it as a totally different scenario..... drug dealer beats the shit out someone and off he goes to hospital. The dealer rings up the hospital saying he is his cousin and although has no idea of his actual address or his date of birth he announces " well he is about 40 and i know roughly where he lives " so please can you tell me what ward he is on so i can come visit"

Its admirable that you want to step up in your cousins time of need but perhaps following this incident you need to familiarise yourself with his details and acertain who is documented as his next of kin.

But I do completely sympathise and understand that although you may not be bosom buddies, you still care about him and want the best for him. As PP suggested, Is there a chaplain service or volunteering group at the hospital? Maybe you could ask them to check in with him; they could potentially do it while keeping appropriate boundaries etc in place.

Op, imagine an abused wife is in hospital. Has a psycho partner searching for her, who she is trying to escape.
Suddenly, he appears. Turns out the lady on the phone, confirmed she was in that hospital and what Ward she was on.......

Bless you for caring, you sound like a lovely person. The hospital are just adhering to data protection, but how about going in person (could you find out his date or birth or address from another family member?)

Call when the next shift is on, ask for the room number to send a card to and you have what you need.

@Nicknacky he won't have one now since his dad died,I know he gets help from social services.
I don't know if that might be on record

I barely know my 3 sibling's birthdays and I definitely don't know any of my cousins.

The medical situation as you describe it sounds very critical. I completely understand that you want to visit him. I think that is a very kind thing to do.

I think you would get on better when you present in person at the Reception Desk. I think they might at least direct you to a ward where you could enquire at the nurse's station if your cousin would be agreeable to a visit from you. On the telephone, the operator must be mindful of GDPR responsibilities.

If your cousin is/was on Facebook you could see if his DOB is public on that, or check his history to see when people wish him a Happy Birthday. If you have visited him at his house you could go back and check out the house number, or the voting register may help.

Do you have other living relatives who could help with this information? Your own parents, or an aunt or uncle maybe.

I struggle to remember my siblings ages and birthdays I have no idea about my cousins'.

They have to be careful but cant you just ask them to tell him you want to visit.

You could be anyone, you could be a stalker and you could be someone he does not want to see.
To the administration and to the staff in the hospital, their duty of care is with patient safety and health.
If you want to see him, find his DO and address. If you cannot remember then try asking family, searching back emails and even knocking on neighbours doors who might have a spare key to his home.
Another suggestion, send a card to the hospital for when he wakes. They might deliver it but you will still won't have further access.
Or contact PALs and ask them to pass on a message with the information you have.

Missing the point but if he's 44 then surely he's mid 40s, not late 40s?

To be fair to the hospital they are probably following the correct process. I think you should try to find out the information, call back the hospital and tell them you are the closest relative he has (are you?)

Before my brother died, the only way the ward would talk to me was if I gave the password that had been arranged with other relatives. If they had decided to change it at any point, the ward staff would have had no choice but to refuse to speak to me again. And I knew all the details you were unable to give.

That's how confidentiality works.

It's good of you to care and I don't think are unreasonable per se ... Alcoholics are difficult to help. But people at the hospital are just doing their job. Maybe try PALS? If someone could get a message to him perhaps he could consent to a visit?

If you have a good idea where the house is google maps will give you house numbers If you zoom in close enough on a street. Not on the photo setting. You can use that info on the Royal Mails postcode finder too if you wanted the full address (I’m not a stalker! Promise!)