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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you know anyone like this?? Drives me insane!!!

97 replies

Lipperfromchipper · 31/01/2020 17:46

Actually reminded of this on another thread and thought it was worthy of its own 🤣🤣

Does anyone know someone like this?!! Drives me INSANE!!

My SIL... goes to a restaurant and orders a meal let’s say
Sea bass with samphire and a butter based sauce with mash and veg on the side...but then requests the following
Can you take off the samphire
and instead of the ‘butter sauce’ can I have mushroom sauce from the chicken dish instead
and then instead of mash can I have chips and instead of the veg can I have a plain green salad.

Emmm ok says the waitress.. SIL gets the dinner as she requested (much to the chefs annoyance I imagine!!) and then COMPLAINS that the meal is bland or doesn’t really work!!! Meanwhile I just want to fucking scream!!!! OF COURSE ITS SHIT YOU MADE THE FUCKING DISH UP!!

HARD WORK!!And relax...,

OP posts:

Fantababy · 31/01/2020 20:33

My friend did this once, but asked for poached eggs and avocado, which was not on the menu. When the waitress went away to 'ask the chef', I pointed out to her that there was no avocado anywhere on the menu, and she still couldn't grasp why this would cause a difficulty. I honestly think she expected that they'd send someone out to Tesco to accommodate her ridiculous order.

Sparklingbrook · 31/01/2020 20:35

Yes I knew someone exactly like that. The waiter would go round the table and we would all just order normally. Then he got to her. The menu would be produced and pointed to. Questions were asked about ingredients, and whether things could be added in or taken out, and we would all sit there like this .
When it arrived there would still be prodding and poking/inspecting and further questions to the waiter.

It just ruined all family meals out.

Original poster

Lipperfromchipper · 31/01/2020 20:37

@redexpat ahh I love that scene to be fair!! But mainly because I sat in that very seat she is in!! Katz deli in New York!! Amazing!!

OP posts:

Lipz · 31/01/2020 20:39

Gosh I never knew this was a no no we swap out stuff all the time. My dh can't eat onions, he literally gags and vomits, it's not an allergy, just can't eat them but he always eats steak when out or homemade burgers and they always come with lashings of onions. He'll always asks for none or ask for extra sauce that comes with it or extra tomato if burgers.

I can't eat mashed potatoes, never liked them so always swap for chips or extra veg.

One of my ds hates peas, usually things like rice, or curries etc can come with them so we always ask then he orders something else if it does.

CSIblonde · 31/01/2020 20:56

I don't think it's fussyness, I think it's a power & attention seeking thing. It reeks of: 'You have offered this, but that's not good enough & I require something different & I WILL get special treatment'.

Porkeypine · 31/01/2020 21:02

@CSlblone

Hmm I don’t agree with it being a power thing with most people, although completely agree with some.

My sister always has to order something different but it’s just cos she’s a fuss pot nothing more nothing less

UniversalAunt · 31/01/2020 21:03

OH is coeliac & follows a very strict gluten free regime both at home & eating out. Over the years he has developed a ‘persona’ when eating out - he mentions he is coeliac when booking or as he arrives, engages staff with pleasantries, explains what he can & cannot eat, waits patiently whilst ‘changes requested’ are checked with chef, vigorously enjoys his food (which he does anyway, so he’s a keeper), says ‘thank you so much such a pleasure to eat well’ & leaves a handsome tip.

But then some people are just CFs, no matter what, no matter where.

thenightsky · 31/01/2020 21:06

I have a friend like this. I love her very much, but I now only eat out with her at tapas restaurants, where there's millions of tiny dishes to choose from that cannot be altered. It works.

tillytoodles1 · 31/01/2020 21:08

My late husband was so fussy. Never mind the can I have chips, not jacket potato, It was also can I have mine with no garlic but extra chilli, and can I have my burger with no salad, but extra cheese. The worst was a pizza as he wanted all the topping, but on half a pizza base. Even in KFC he wanted to choose the pieces of chicken that he was getting.

Titective · 31/01/2020 21:10

@isabellerossignol it's a power thing. So they'll know to treat her well and don't try and short change her with second best.

Realistically it's a massive flag to have your food spat in and someone to put bogies on your pillow 😬😂

gamerwidow · 31/01/2020 21:13

I have some allergies which means I sometimes swap items. Or should I just never eat out?
That's completely different and entirely reasonable and I bet when they do swap the items out you don't then moan about it not tasting right.
This is very obviously not about you.

Sparklingbrook · 31/01/2020 21:20

I was out at a restaurant today and the first thing the waitress asked was whether any of the group had allergies. I have a friend who has to be very careful, and she just explains. No drama and the staff didn't bat an eyelid.

Some people though are just mega fussy and want it to all be about them and it makes it awkward for everyone else.

wesdxc12 · 31/01/2020 21:50

I work in a restaurant. Much of this is eating disorder based imo. We are accommodating because we want our guests to enjoy their meal. I remember one vegetarian lady requested a dish without the sauce, or cheese. She then complained it was just a plate of vegetables.... so she couldn't eat it. I offered her any other dish of the menu (nothing she liked), I said chef would cook her any dish she liked provided we had ingredients (she didn't want that). It was obvious to me that she had an eating disorder and simply wanted an excuse not to eat. I felt a bit sad for her, but all we could do was remove the cost of the meal she didn't eat from the bill.

What annoyed me wasn't the fussiness but the fact she went onto trip advisor and absolutely slated us, saying the food was awful, the service was awful, and the management were dismissive and unhelpful. After we'd offered literally whatever she wanted and charged her nothing for what she did have!!!

HavenDilemma · 31/01/2020 21:53

@MargotLargot What's wrong with that?? Are only vegetarians allowed to eat the veggie pizza?! I've ordered the veggie breakfast and added bacon because I don't like sausages and liked one of the options on the veggie breakfast that wasn't on the regular one. So what 🤷

shamalidacdak · 31/01/2020 21:59

Yep, all Americans. Since I moved here I can't believe how everyone and I mean EVERYONE orders off menu, or redesigns their own meal. Luckily the restaurants are used to it and it doesn't seem to phase them.

MargotLargot · 31/01/2020 22:59

@HavenDilemma I’ve left out a very vital part

I’ll start again...

I no longer eat out with my sister for this very reason.

She once ordered “the vegetarian pizza but instead of corn can I have olives and instead of peppers can I have ham?”

The waitress said “no problem, but it’ll be an extra £1.50 for the ham” and my sister caused a fuss arguing that the ham was a substitution for the peppers, and not an add on.

There was no telling her that she was being unreasonable.

WhereShallWeMoveTo · 01/02/2020 02:38

Sparkling I think you must know my sister in law. 😁

Watching her have to eat anywhere but her own home is a thing to behold. No allergies or EDs, just unbelievable fussiness and an enormous list of things she doesn’t like.

We went to a lovely restaurant with them recently and the only starter she ‘could eat’ was the tomato and mozzerella salad. But she had to have it with no basil, no black olives, no pesto, no garlic and no olive oil.

It was a plate of plain sliced tomatoes and plain mozzarella. And even that had to be inspected and picked over for signs of any rogue ingredients before she could eat it. 🤷‍♀️🤯

Absolutely every meal gets examined like this by her. I love her dearly but it’s incredibly irritating to watch. One of these days I swear I’m going to lose the plot and scream OH FFS JUST EAT THE DAMN FOOD ALREADY WILL YOU?

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2020 04:55

@WhereShallWeMoveTo that does sound very familiar.

The tension at the table as the waiter got to her was palpable. Everyone thinking 'here we go' and the rest of us looking at each other embarrassed as the order was placed. I used to feel like hanging back as we left to apologise for her.

She is an ex family member now.

Ritascornershop · 01/02/2020 05:16

I have a friend who is a chronic ingredient changer and my kids’ gran was a massive whinger-in-restaurants. Thank god I never went for a meal with them together. The kids’ gran ruined every meal we took her for in my home country (she’s English). Either the food was cold (no-one else’s was), they didn’t serve us fast enough, “this drink is much nicer the way they do it in Australia”, and “it’s not as good as our Weatherspoon’s, is it Ken?” and on and on. Did my head in.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2020 05:21

I also know some people that do actually look for stuff to moan about when eating out. Inspecting all the cutlery very closely etc

I read something a few weeks ago a meme along the lines of 'the best thing about humans is they lick each others bumholes but request a new fork if theirs falls on the floor'

CoalTit · 01/02/2020 06:33

I've only ever had one friend who did this. She asked for changes to every dish she ordered, in a cheap Asian restaurant where we'd never eaten before. I asked her why and she said she'd learned to do it from a group of people she used to know.

She was very low-key and quietly spoken, but she was a real power tripper and player of mind games.

WhereShallWeMoveTo · 01/02/2020 06:52

We used to have friends (more networking contacts if I’m honest) who took us out for dinner once or twice (shmoozing my DH for business) at a very highly regarded and expensive local restaurant where he happened to know the owners well and was a regular. He liked to make a big thing of pretending there was nothing on the menu of interest to him because he’d seen/eaten it all before and asking The waiter to see what else the chef had going, just for him. And right enough, a Dover sole or a veal escalope would miraculously appear and was just the ticket.

I just used to think he was being of a knob to be honest.

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