To think things are a big deal

[aglimpseofdaytime]

I feel like I'm going out of my mind. My partner has been so disrespectful in the past week but whenever I've confronted him he tells me I'm being ridiculous. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Here's an example.

Last Saturday: he went out on a night out said he was just going to a friends. I went to bed and woke up at 3am when my youngest woke up and he wasn't home, tried to ring phones off. Get a text at 4.30am saying he's staying at a friends. I told him I was upset he hadn't let me know and we were going to the cinema early in the morning the next day. He said it wasn't a problem, because I could do he same if I wanted and he hadn't said if he was coming home for 2am or 2pm apparently when he'd said 2 and I had no reason to be annoyed .

Tuesday: I make lunches for him as I make batch lunches. Made a nice pasta salad with crisps etc. Got a phone call at lunchtime 'where's my chicken, oh I wanted chicken im disappointed I'm going to eat now bye' then said it was just a joke when asked but the tone on the phone was abrupt.

Last night: was going to bed and he hid my phone. I have ocd and not knowing where things are make me feel horrendous. I had torn the entire living room up, cushions off sofa pulled out before he said he had it. Went to bed in a mood didn't talk.

Today: stayed late at the office 2 hours after he comes home every day no text. I had no problem but told him if he's going to be late to just drop a check text to let me know because of teas and stuff and putting kids to bed. He said I was being ridiculous.

Am I being sensitive?

Not at all, he's being an asshole!! Is this normal or new behaviour?

He's being a dick

He's a massive bell-end

No, you're not being sensitive, he's being a major arsehole, and treating you with contempt - and cruelty - OCD and he hides your phone, knowing how it distresses you not to know where things are?! What a. . .'insert preferred ephitet here'.

No you're not being sensitive. He's definitely gas lighting and being manipulative.

Why the heck did he hide your phone??

Gaslighting prick! Does he tell you that you overact, are hormonal, emotional, 'mad'?

Is this new?

@Nothing2doooooo he said it was a joke, he went up to bed before me, thought it would be funny. I asked him if he had it and he said no. I rang it twice off the iPad when he had it so I couldn't hear it so I panicked and was running all over the house. Came downstairs 5-10 minutes saying I'd torn the place apart and laughing. I told him I was upset and he apologised when I asked. Every time I lose something I can't stop until I find it. If I can't end up tearing everything apart I've been like this all of my life and he knows it

@user142745271 not usually this many things in a week but he is insensitive. Maybe once a week sometimes more, is insensitive most of the time and will never apologise. I usually don't bring things up anymore because there's no point but this week really got at me

I can relate to that. Not nice of him to do to you at all but I know people can be mean with their "pranks" and expensive jokes.

The other things he does shows lack of regard for you. Have you tried to sit him down and have a talk about this? You need to let him know.

@Nothing2doooooo I just told him everything upset me earlier and he shrugged it off and said it wouldn't bother him so it shouldn't bother me and I can do it to him if I want in regards to everything listed

A lot of people love to use the term "gaslighting" but often use it incorrectly. Here, though, he is definitely gaslighting you. I bet he was going through your phone when he had it, to see what you know. My guess he is cheating on you....

Does he bring any happiness to your life, OP?

Why are you with you??

Insensitive is one thing. He is doing this deliberately. He is an abusive twat. He's trying to make you seem unreasonable by saying you can do the same to him if you like. You are not being unreasonable, and I bet if you did something to piss him off and said "You can do the same to me if you like", he would still be furious. Arsehole.

@lazylinguist that's the thing. I wouldn't do those things not because he's manipulated me into it but if I did I'd feel phenomenally bad and want to apologise immediately. I say I'm upset he says I have no right to be then I don't know what to say after that everything has a comeback and I feel like screaming it winds me up entirely but he'll take little things and turn it around like if I'm quoting him and misquote a word that's not important he'll say I'm putting words in his mouth or he will act stupid on purpose like saying he'd be home at 2 then saying he didn't know whether it was 2am or 2pm. I just let everything go because he always has a comeback then tell my friends and they're all horrified and I question myself again. I feel crazy

@aglimpseofdaytime Yea he is definitely insensitive and seems impossible to have a discussion or disagreement with.

His moves seem suspicious though. Won't be surprised if he's cheating.

What do you want to do about this? Would you mind sitting him down again (when it's a happy time for you both, not when he's done something to upset you) and tell him how serious this is to you. Tell him you're considering leaving (if you are) or you want counselling or something.

Someone like this seems to be a man child though, so dont know how effective this would be but no one deserves to be treated poorly.

Yeah he’s a cunt
But you don’t need us to tell you. You know it deep down.

@Nothing2doooooo I'd love to sit down air everything out then improve but any conversation about being upset and wanting to work on things he pretends to pack his bags, quit his job and try and catch a train 200 miles away to his parents. I think he'd do it if I didn't interject. Counselling might be a good option. If he'd go

You will never win this battle. You know this. We know this. Your friends know this.
At some point you might leave. But until you do, you’re on a losing streak. You’re going to wear yourself out trying to fix something that is not fixable. Full stop

Counselling won’t make a bit of difference. In fact it will make it worse.
You either stay with an abuser or you leave. There is no in-between

Oh my goodness! Dramatic manchild! Counselling might be your last resort, then let him f right off if he doesn't want it/it doesn't work. He wants you to bury your head in the sand, does he?

Hiding your phone really isn’t funny, my abusive ex used to do this. It took me a while to cotton onto it, I thought I was losing my mind because it kept going missing. It’s abusive behaviour.

Staying out later than he said would be fine as a one off imo but not if this is a regular occurrence, it’s immature and disrespectful. Likewise staying late at work and not even letting you know. I would worry something had happened to my DH if he did this.

You need to re-evaluate your relationship tbh, he’s abusive.