To not tell her he cheated

[sibling3]

Name changed for this.

So my DH went out with his group of close friends at the weekend he came home and told me that one of his friends got really drunk and admitted to cheating on his girlfriend with somebody he works with (for background this particular friend has a big history of cheating and met his current partner by cheating with her on his old girlfriend) they live together and have a baby together now.

I am not close to his girlfriend as I was really close to his last girlfriend so when it all came out I just stayed clear of them (I will be civil to her if I ever see her but we don't socialise much).

My partner has told me not to get involved as it isnt my place and I don't really know her. He text my DH the next day and said please do not tell anybody. I think I would want to know if it was my DH?

Opinions please???

He got with his current girlfriend by cheating on his ex with her.

So she knows full well what he’s capable of.

Don’t say anything.

THIS...

Pretty nasty that people are saying the reason she shouldn't tell her is "karma" - they have a child and will likely have more if she doesn't find out who will also be impacted, you shouldn't all be so gleeful their relationship is doomed.

But for your own sake, fair enough if you don't want to be the one to do it, it would be bringing a lot of drama into your life especially given your relationship with his ex.

Only the very silly believe in 'karma'. They have a child. What did said child do to deserve this then? Utterly stupid!

If 'karma' existed, I'd be very afraid if I were one of the vacuous... it might give you a good smack in the face. Deservedly, perhaps...

Chances are she'll say she doesn't believe you (even if she does) and it will cause an unholy shitstorm. Leave it well alone

@BlimeyCalmDown

You'd snitch on a cheat? Fair enough.

But what about the implications for your DH who told you in confidence?

In fact, the more I think about this, the more I think the OP @sibling3 husband is a straight up, grade A example of a dry snitch!

OP's husband hears something juicy from a mate who told him in confidence, friends sharing something secret together.

OP's husband clearly isn't going to call up his mates partner and tell her.

So he dry snitches by telling his wife, who he knows could (and now is debating online whether she should) go and tell the wronged partner. He's one step removed from it now but still gets to revel in the fallout.

That's dry snitching, and the only thing worse than a snitch is a dry snitch

Don’t get involved. It’ll be too much of a headache for you.

@GinDaddy haha well it was hardly an evil plan to pass on the information from my husband he came home drunk I was still awake and I asked him how his night was and he told me. He knows I am not going to tell her, my question on here is is it ok not to tell her. I think if his friend really didnt want anybody to know he shouldnt have told anybody including my husband.

I would normally tell the partner. But since they both did the same to his ex I wouldn’t bother, leave them to their misery! (Even if it looks perfect on social media). I would take great delight in telling his ex though!

'She's getting her karma', that's just fucking lovely isn't it. Nice bit of woman blaming there. Where's HIS karma? He's the one that was in the relationship and he's the one that cheated (both times).

OP I would respect that your DH doesn't want you to tell her, but I would at the same time encourage him to either tell her himself, or cut ties with this raging arsehole.

Pretty nasty that people are saying the reason she shouldn't tell her is "karma" - they have a child and will likely have more if she doesn't find out who will also be impacted, you shouldn't all be so gleeful their relationship is doomed

She got with him, knowing he was a cheat...if she thinks she’s so fucking special he wouldn’t cheat on her- then her & her ego get what she deserves🤷🏻‍♀️ Their child/children might suffer if they split up, but, that’s the look out of both of them, not the OP.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. I think karma is just shorthand for not less than they deserve’ tbh.

@sibling3 if she was my friend I’d tell her, but I wouldn’t upset my relationship for her, she got herself where she is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would tell my friend, his ex, though - if you’re still good friends.

@damntheman. It’s not ‘woman blaming’ it’s saying she knew what she was getting into.

Obviously HE is to blame for cheating, but she enabled him, massive ego if she thought he wouldn’t do the same to her & she ckearky has no thought for his partner when she fucked him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Perhaps, Amelie. But where is his karma? Where are all the people saying to tell because that's HIS karma coming? Just sounds like misogyny to me and it's gross.

I completely understand @Damntheman. Thats one of the things that annoys me the most! He gets away with it again! He didn't even suffer when he got caught cheating on his partner (my friend) because he just moved straight in with his new partner and got on with his life like nothing had happened.

@sibling3

Why does it annoy you so much that he gets away with it?

People get away with loads every day. It's not up to us to always intervene in order to course-correct, and ensure restorative moral justice is served.

People cheat, then move straight on with that new partner. If he got "caught" before, then he was already exposed - the facts are already out there. Sticking the boot in, isn't going to make the wronged partner's life any better.

Bitterness is not a good thing.

@GinDaddy no you are completely right. It is not my job to intervene.

I will get on with my own life and act like I was never told about this. And for the record I have told my husband that if any of his friends tell him anything like this again I do not want to know!!!

Thanks for all of your help!