To not tell her he cheated

[sibling3]

Name changed for this.

So my DH went out with his group of close friends at the weekend he came home and told me that one of his friends got really drunk and admitted to cheating on his girlfriend with somebody he works with (for background this particular friend has a big history of cheating and met his current partner by cheating with her on his old girlfriend) they live together and have a baby together now.

I am not close to his girlfriend as I was really close to his last girlfriend so when it all came out I just stayed clear of them (I will be civil to her if I ever see her but we don't socialise much).

My partner has told me not to get involved as it isnt my place and I don't really know her. He text my DH the next day and said please do not tell anybody. I think I would want to know if it was my DH?

Opinions please???

I think your OH needs to stop telling you when his mates confess their cheating to him - it's mean to put that burden on you.

... and if you feel that sore about the 'perfect family' posts, maybe remove him from your social media?

Do you knit, OP?

Dont tell her. she deserves it anyway.

Why did your DH even tell you?!

I wouldn't get involved. She isn't your friend.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe haha point taken! But no maybe I should take up knitting! My husband told me when he was drunk when he got home that night. Should have kept his gob shut and I shall mind my business. Thanks for the replies everyone.

Fair play, sibling. Your husband doesn't sound as much of a friend to his mate as you are to yours.

I can't knit :)

The real blabbermouth here is the skuzzy little cheat. Is cheating on a woman not enough of an ego stroke if you can’t boast to your mates about it? What an absolute tool.

I don't think it's weird your dh told you. Mine would tell me if something like this happened..in fact, he has done. Wouldn't occur to me to break his trust. If I had a friend who cheated, I'd tell him as well and he would keep it to himself...in fact, I do have a friend who had a minor indiscretion...I told my dh, he wouldn't dream of saying anything. Don't people tell their partners stuff like this?! I thought that was normal?!

Definitely stay out of it. She already knows he is a cheat because that's how they got together, so she's an idiot if she isn't already aware that it's a possibility. Leave the pair of them to it.

I'd grass every cheating git up!

I'm always in favour of telling but I see why so many are saying not to. But I would be tempted to tell HIM that I knew.

OH used to tell me stories of lads away on a golfing trip or sailing trip the odd one would happily play away. I never said a word to anyone about it.

I would tell her. I think I’d only keep out if it wasn’t serious. They’ve got a child, so it is serious.

In my opinion people cheating are abusing their partner and they can’t even make an informed decision about that abuse. I’d tell every time.

If your not friends then I wouldn't tell her. He could outright deny, which he probably would, and then you'd be left looking like a lying shit stirrer.
However if I was ever in this situation with a friend I would 100% tell her, I'd like to think they knew me well enough to know I wouldn't lie to them.

I'd grass every cheating git up!

Even if your DH told you in confidence?

I usually say tell them but no. The circumstances of you being her acquaintance and the fact you get on with his ex... you’ll end up looking like a right dick.

I didnt think it was weird that my dh told me. And obviously my loyalty lies with him but my aibu was aibu to not tell her. Most of you think I am not.

I told my dh, he wouldn't dream of saying anything. Don't people tell their partners stuff like this?! I thought that was normal?!

To a certain extent, I'm sure it is. DH and I have that 'husband/wife confidentiality agreement' BUT we also have a 'mutual exclusion clause' with one set as I'm BFFs with the wife and DH is BFFs with the husband. We both know that if one of us told the other that our BFF member of that couple had done something really awful (cheating, gambling family money, drugs, etc) that we'd tell the other BFF member. So we've simply said "If X does , don't tell me unless you want Z to know because I will tell them". I think the thing is that if our BFF member did something that terrible, we'd tell them to tell their spouse themselves, or we would.

You’re not unreasonable

Personally tho I’d hate the gloating on Facebook so would wait a while (so not to incriminate you) and then set up an anonymous Facebook and message her with dates etc

@sibling3

Sorry I was responding to the posters who were saying your dh shouldn't have told you.

Even if your DH told you in confidence? he told her DH as he wanted for other people to enable him and keep his secret with him. He wanted the boost that other people would help him, by not telling him he’s a complete asshole and telling his gf.

Like some sick boy code.

That isn’t something to be respected! DH then told OP probably because he does feel caught and needs normalise this too.

The more people who know. And don’t tell. The more OK it is for him to carry on cheating.

And I say that as my Ex cheated during our marriage (whilst I was pregnant).

I caught him. He was remorseful and so ashamed. He then confessed to a couple of friends and family - and they all said he was still a good guy etc. So he was relieved.

But then I think because he’d told them, and his worst fears didn’t come true, nothing changed in his relationships with them, that he did cheat again and this time didn’t seem to care half as much. All the shame had gone.

As they say.... if you marry a man who cheated on his wife, you are married to a man who cheat's on his wife.

She knew what she was getting into, and before long she will realise that no she wasnt different or special or his soul mate, just as the next one wont be.

But I would definitely tell his ex!

Sounds like he was bragging about it. I know a guy who went from woman to woman getting them all pregnant, big promises etc - got the last one pregnant with twins, buggered off and got someone else pregnant and then ended up in prison for rape.

God knows how many kids he has but my ex knew him and I told him to just stop talking about him to me.

Just stay out of it. I wouldn't want to be linked with it it any way.

She is getting her karma.

Don't get involved.

Also, if you did he would know your DH told you.