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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still feel angry over this?

76 replies

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 13:58

I just wondered how others would feel about this.

For context this happened a couple of years ago, but I still feel annoyed when I think about it, there have been other things too which may add to my annoyance and general mistrust.

When ds was a baby he was a really bad sleeper, wasn't easy to get him down for a nap either.

Once when he was around 6 months old mil was watching him for a few hours, when dh and I got back, mil announced that she'd been pushing him around in his pushchair to get him to sleep but he wouldn't give in. They have a conservatory with direct sunlight beaming through. She told me grinning that she'd "been a bit wicked" and she'd positioned his buggy with the sun in his eyes to force him to close his eyes so he'd go to sleep.

At the time I didn't say anything, I'm shit at confrontation and was quite taken aback. I told dh later but he didn't say anything. I regret not saying something at the time, I wouldn't bother bringing it up now, but when I think about it I still get really annoyed that she did that.

I could list all the other things where her judgement has been poor and I know people would agree, but I'm just wondering how people would feel about that specific thing.

OP posts:

Nothing2doooooo · 30/01/2020 14:31

Who doesn't want to fall asleep in warm sunlight?

raises hands Sun in my eyes or face isn't soothing at all so I wouldn't want to do it to another person, let alone a child (unless I know they like it) but to each his/her own.

Strangerthingshere · 30/01/2020 14:31

I'm in the minority but I agree with you OP

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 14:35

That's a big leap from using the sunlight to get them to sleep trick...

Now this is the thing, she done some outright stupid things that are dangerous. I feel more pissed off about the sun in his eyes because it was deliberate, but then I hear that lots of people do it, so I'll have to accept I'm in a minority.

OP posts:

Nothing2doooooo · 30/01/2020 14:36

Per the question, YANBU to not like it but YABU to hold onto it after you said nothing, but I get it if she's done worse or shown carelessness with him.

inwood · 30/01/2020 14:38

YABVU to still be bothered about it now

Strangerthingshere · 30/01/2020 14:39

I get the impression the reason shes holding onto it is because she feels guilty for not saying anything at the time

maddy68 · 30/01/2020 14:41

Wow, massive overreaction

IDrinkFromTheKegOfGlory · 30/01/2020 14:42

I did it when DD was a baby. I don't consider it a lapse in judgement. It made her go to sleep (which she dearly needed!). Win win in my opinion.

Illberidingshotgun · 30/01/2020 14:44

Has tests indicated that there are any issues with his eyes that could have been caused by sun damage? If yes, then obviously you have potential cause to be angry and concerned.

Otherwise, I get that you weren't happy at the time, but all it would have taken would have been for you to say next time "please don't place him in the sunlight to get him to sleep". I sense that you are using this incident to "hang" lots of anger on. It's not healthy for you to have this churning away inside of you after two years. Is there anything going on now that she is doing that is making you angry? i see you mention something about hot pans in the kitchen - understandable. If you really think that her care of him is dangerous, then don't leave him alone with her. I'm not saying that she shouldn't see him, but just ensure that you are all together as a family so she can't put him in any danger.

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 14:44

Do you know it might be that I'm annoyed with myself for not being more assertive and just saying at the time "don't do that with him please" and a build up of things has left me feeling annoyed.

OP posts:

Glitter7 · 30/01/2020 14:46

Agree with 'don'tgobaconmyheart.' Not ideal behaviour from an adult incase Bubba became over heated.

Brefugee · 30/01/2020 14:48

Aw, OP, don't beat yourself up about it. Work on being assertive, and let it go (it's for the best)

I hadn't heard about the sun in eyes thing until i had DC2 who wasn't (and still isn't at 21) a good sleeper. I didn't really try it but loads of people said it

Nothing2doooooo · 30/01/2020 14:49

Do you know it might be that I'm annoyed with myself for not being more assertive and just saying at the time "don't do that with him please" and a build up of things has left me feeling annoyed.

Understandable.

ChuckleBuckles · 30/01/2020 14:50

I could list all the other things where her judgement has been poor and I know people would agree

So why keep sending your baby back to MIL care if she has poor judgement over what is unsafe for the baby?

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 14:50

I get the impression the reason shes holding onto it is because she feels guilty for not saying anything at the time

Cross posted but yeah I think I'm angry with myself for not speaking up about this but also lots of other things.

All points taken, Yes it's probably a multitude of things that I haven't spoken up about.

OP posts:

PumpkinP · 30/01/2020 14:53

I think yabu , I was on the bus the other day and the sun was shining in dds face as that’s the way you position the pram on the bus and no space to turn it around. I did put the hood up but it didn’t stop it so I guess that makes me cruel aswell?!

picklerickkk · 30/01/2020 14:55

I’m actually flummoxed at the amount of people who find this fine? What the actual fuck! I would have been foaming from the mouth! The poor wee babbie!

Strangerthingshere · 30/01/2020 14:55

No pumpkinP because you didnt do it on purpose so there is clearly a difference

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 14:55

So why keep sending your baby back to MIL care if she has poor judgement over what is unsafe for the baby?

We don't rely on her for childcare, but she wants to have him so in a nutshell yes, she has done some really stupid things and we've let it go.

OP posts:

MaryMcCarthy · 30/01/2020 14:57

Was the child blinded as a result?

If so, I'd have a word.

JammieCodger · 30/01/2020 15:00

It’s nothing like having the sun shining in your eyes when you’re driving, as you can’t then shut your eyes. Your son could. That’s why it worked

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 15:05

It’s nothing like having the sun shining in your eyes when you’re driving, as you can’t then shut your eyes. Your son could. That’s why it worked

It didn't work but that may be beside the point.

OP posts:

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 30/01/2020 15:08

You have little to worry you if you're still stewing on that years later.

How is your husband? What awful effects must he suffering from after being brought up by this Torturer in Chief!

Moomin12345 · 30/01/2020 15:11

1st world problems... get over it.

Original poster

LoveinParis · 30/01/2020 15:13

^*You have little to worry you if you're still stewing on that years later.

How is your husband? What awful effects must he suffering from after being brought up by this Torturer in Chief!*^

I've no idea why people post crap like this. You literally don't have the faintest idea what I have going on in my life. Just because I've posted about this doesn't mean anything at all about worries I may or may not have.

As for my dh that is another story that I won't get into. I've already said that there have been lots of other things and there were lots of other things involving dh but that's not what I posted about.

OP posts:

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