Am I right to feel demotivated at work, or am I just lazy?

[MaxPanic]

Sorry if this is long. 4 years ago I was recruited to a senior management role at a small firm, owned by a much larger plc where I worked in a lower ranking position 10 years ago.

I worked directly with (and reported to) the MD, ran my own diary and managed my own client accounts, and had full autonomy. The clients were happy and the brand was strong, even though we didn't make much money as there was only the two of us looking covering clients in the whole of the UK.

Things changed, the plc closed down the small firm (it wasn't profitable so totally understandable) and absorbed me back onto the same team where I worked 10 years ago. After consultation I was able to retain part of my title so it didn't look like a demotion, and my job description was re-drafted to show greater responsibility in a specific area, which I was to take on and manage - it sounded very exciting and I thought it would be cool.

6 months on, and I haven't had an appraisal because my new manager said there was "no point" documenting anything for half the year, and he hasn't provided any reporting mechanism to prove my activity. That means I'll get no bonus this year. The specialist and senior aspects of my role have come to nothing - the work is being farmed out across everyone, I am not valued for any extra expertise. The managers don't communicate with me for weeks but discuss things with my supposed clients directly and with each other without including me. Then they grill me about the client and act like I'm being flaky when I don't know what they're talking about.

I'm becoming so demotivated that I'm losing the will to care about doing a good job for the paying clients, or even defending myself any more. I used to hotly fight back when there was a sarky comment about not delivering on something, whether it was digging out evidence that I'd done it perfectly promptly, or that I hadn't even been informed of that requirement because they hadn't included me in the original discussion.

Now I can't even be arsed to do that. I avoid talking on conference calls because no one listens and I feel like they just don't rate me. I talk in words of one syllable if I can.

The only people who have time for me are my old clients, a few of which I got to keep, but the new ones I've been assigned think I'm the basic hired help. Any interesting issues get swiftly whipped away by my managers as though I'm fucking incompetent, not someone with 20 years experience and actually appointed to handle such things.

I am looking for another job - 2nd interview for one next week - but am I just being defeatist and lazy? Should I fight harder? I have tried, but the one individual causing me the most difficulty is chipping away at my confidence.

I think its time for you to move on, best of luck with your 2nd interview 😊

Sounds like you need a new challenge - good luck with your interview

Definitely time to move on. This job sounds like a dead duck. Good luck with the interview!

You definitely sound like you need a new challenge - good luck at the 2nd interview!

No you aren't being defeatist or lazy, you are responding to the message you've been given. Your position is not worth appraising, so on top of everything you won't get a bonus this year.
Thats enough to demotivate anyone.

If you get the new job, give HR some constructive feedback about that. You don't have to burn your bridges.

Wow. Thanks!

The 2nd interview is another dilemma really, it is 100% city based so long days and commuting 2 hrs each way...DH isn't keen and thinks I'm mad to give up flexible home working for that. It is a good job and I would be slightly better off financially even after travel costs, but the pay off is 13 hour days.

Can you raise the issue with HR?
If it cant get resolved, can you move?

I've started and then deleted an email to HR several times. I keep thinking, they will protect the firm not me so all I'm doing is putting myself in the firing line if I say I'm losing faith and interest and I'm under utilised.

Interestingly I recently completed my annual test on understanding work related stress, and I'm definitely suffering from it to some degree - inability to concentrate, lack of motivation, over sensitivity, sleeplessness.

Again I considered approaching HR to say I think I am stressed due to feeling devalued, but I can see them having a meeting with my manager and collectively rolling their eyes (I was in the room - after my own consultation! - when they did it about someone else) so I daren't put myself in that position either.

You are in no rush - take your time to find the right next move

Humm so now im not sure about the new job, that a lot of communting time each day, but I would go for 2nd interview and keep looking for other job opportunities. I dont think id bother with contacting HR, Id just keep my head down, do the best job I can whilst in work so no one can comment on performance and put all my efforts in finding a new job.

I wouldn't bother with HR
They won't fundamentally change the issues

Be calm, listen to your gut and move on

Then stop doubting yourself as lazy. If you really were lazy, you;'d be loving this job!

Haha yeah good point hamster - I would wouldn't I! I spend my days milling around feeling slightly on the back foot, like I'm missing something, and waiting for the axe to fall. And then I think oh fuck it, why should I care, and watch some Judge Judy.

When I'm with a new client I'm anxious wondering what I haven't been told, and what it'll turn out I've overlooked in a meeting three weeks from now when I'll end up looking incompetent.

Winter you've got it, I need to try and avoid criticism about performance, do the best I can and hope my reputation isn't trashed by the end of all this. Sadly there aren't many opportunities out there in my area, it used to be common as muck but things have moved on and the opportunities, although well paid when they come up, are rare.

Go for new job - 13 hour days are long but you may well be able to negotiate greater flexibility once in the role and have proved your worth.

Staying where you are will be soul destroying which will in turn limit your ability to get a new job as your confidence will be sapped.

If you get the new job and the commute etc is too much then stick it our for a respectable amount of time then look for another role - but at least then you will be starting from a stronger position than you are in now.

Good luck and dont let them grind you down.

That's very sensible advice Ruby, and probably exactly what I would have said to someone else in my position! Thank you.

6 months on, and I haven't had an appraisal because my new manager said there was "no point" documenting anything for half the year, and he hasn't provided any reporting mechanism to prove my activity. That means I'll get no bonus this year.

This bit I would be going to HR about. Is it in your contract that you are eligible for a bonus? And they're refusing to put in place the mechanism by which you'd earn it?

I think you sound like you're totally ready for the new challenge. With all due respect your DH doesn't sound like he's fully grasped how much this situation has affected you. It's your right to feel valued in your workplace and you are right to look elsewhere for that.

You could learn to enjoy and make the most of the new commute (car or train?) - perhaps listening to new podcasts / audio books or whatever. The commitment and hours will be worth it to feel motivated and gain valuable experience (plus £!!). You can give yourself a year there and see how it goes.

Good luck with the 2nd interview!

Hmm yes Lobster that's right - the links to the new appraisal forms were circulated, but when I mentioned it to my new manager he said not to bother completing it because he'd "opted me out" and told HR he was doing something separate for me?

We did discuss expectations of me last year - I have a model to achieve in terms of activities - but where the other teams have to send in a monthly report template with their figures in, he never sent me my reporting template, so I just have numbers on a page. I reminded him twice but still don't have it - he said he got most of what he needed from my calendar anyway, so I've never reported my activities. I assume I don't really matter. I wonder why they didn't just make me redundant, they wouldn't have had to pay me much at all.

I was told that there was a 10% bonus system, and that to date everyone in the central team had received theirs every year. But as its based on productivity I can't see how I'll ever get it if I can't report anything. It isn't guaranteed anyway so I haven't kicked off about it, I really can't be arsed and he'll only say my data is only based on half the year anyway.

If I go to HR won't I drop him in it? I don't rate him as a manager and I don't think I've been treated properly, but as a person I like him and I think he's under enormous pressure. I don't want it to look like I've gone bleating to HR, in case my performance is called into question.

They are not known as the silent assassins in our industry for nothing.

CouldBe I don't really mind the commute, it's good for reading and music and crochet. I think DH just sees our early Fridays of slipping away for the weekend going down the pan!

I completely feel you on this OP. In a similar situation and so sick of being ignored and devalued at work I have a time line planned out to hand in my notice etc. You’re being very brave- this kind of thing can really have an effect on your mental health over along term. Don’t leave it 2 years like I have, I’ve lost so much confidence. Good luck x

This is all about expectations and communication.

Often, and usually a senior role in a very small firm can equate to a much more junior role in a very large firm. They have basically agreed one thing on the transfer, but not put it into practice.

Instead of being demotivated and giving one syllable answers etc (which is quite childish and unprofessional) why don't uou book in some time with uour manager?

Ask him about the additional workload you were promised, ask him about his expectations of client management and your role, and speak to him about the bonus system and his expectations with regards to yourself this first year. Potentially can you record what you do? Can you set it op? Is there a reason others are recorded but you cannot use the same or a mimic of that system?

Gah, it's hideous isn't it Pumpkin. I've just been going through some emails and found one from last year where I wrote a comprehensive response to a complex and high risk issue with one of my clients, and out of courtesy copied in the new manager as the ongoing contract might be affected. He replied and repeated EXACTLY what I had already said to technical and said he could step in if needed.

Oh DO fuck off love.

I spent 3 years being kicked around in a previous role which nearly broke me - just escaped in time, although it took a few months to recover my confidence. This time there's no bullying, just being ignored and undervalued! Worse is that I'm losing my enthusiasm for the job I've done for 20 years - ALL of it just makes me feel sick at the moment.

Sounds horrendous. Bet you wouldn't be able to change their mentality though!

Can you put what you've written here (well parts of it) and send it to HR or senior management?

Bluntness I take all those points on board - even being childish and unprofessional, which stings a bit but is my response to how they speak to me more than anything. I am always civil, I've just given up trying to defend myself.

Manager is always promising me time but he hasn't got any, he's pulled from pillar to post, works until 2am most mornings and tells me he has 2000 unread emails. I'll get nowhere with him, I'm the least of his problems.

I don't have access to any of the other reporting methods, they are individualised. I went to do exactly that and set up my own, but the model I would base it on has vanished - I remember going through it with him on my screen so I must have had it, but now it has disappeared and I've searched everywhere including email archives. I'll ask him for it, maybe I'll get it in a month or two.

I have tried to be proactive, but at the moment it's very difficult to maintain a positive outlook. I can't bring myself to fuss about a bonus I was never likely to receive.

My role may have gone from senior to junior but I at least had some control over my accounts, workload and relationships
since I last left them. Now I've been suckered back in and I have none, I've gone back 10 years.

Same situation as yourself (although different industry), got a Degree but my skillset isn't being used.
You have 2 options.
1 - Learn to live with it, and just take the money.
2 - Move on.
I don't like the 'opt out' that's just wrong, however make sure you forward any of those emails to home, because that is a start of a case against them for constructive dismissal. (Just incase you suddenly find you are out or that you are sidelined). HR should not be allowing that opt out, without a full conversation with yourself and your manager, outlining how you will have goals and achievements.
To answer your question, are you wrong to feel demotivated? No, of course not.

He hadn't got time to meet with you.

Then ask him all the above points in an email. At least you'd have a paper trail.