To ask for help re autistic child in my care?

[Neverhavetoomuchglitter]

Cant believe it has resorted to me asking on an online forum but the support in my area is non existent.
I'm a childminder (qualified with many years experience but none in special needs) A few weeks ago a child started with me (age 3) who is clearly on the spectrum. He is very difficult to care for the majority of the time but he has made small progress and his parents are lovely. I really don't want to give up on him.
The main problem is his obsession with watching DVDs. I have no issue with the children watching them occasionally but certainly don't have the tv on all the time. But this is what he wants!! He can sometimes be distracted by other activities and is usually manageable when we are out but it's whenever we are in the house. He just has meltdown after meltdown. It's exhausting and it's beginning to wear thin. The other children actually cover their ears! I really cannot tell if this behaviour is because of his autism or simply just a tantrum because he can't get his own way.
Should I give in? Am I trying to fight the wrong battle? I really don't know anymore. Any advice would be appreciated. It has been a particularly difficult week and he is here every day!

I think you shouldn’t put this on AIBU - there is a great SN section here

Please put this on there and also on the childminders section here and you will get sensible replies

Mnhq will move it for you if you report yourself own post to them

Using the three little dots at the bottom right of your op

What may help him is a visual timetable - shown every day at the start of the day and every time you transition from activity to activity

What do his parents say? Is this a common thing at home, and if so, how do they deal with it?

This may help him to understand there is a specific timetabled slot for dvds

More structure around tv use will help him understand when it is or isn’t time for dvds

You may also need to look at your res pieces to see if you have enough that he is interested in. Eg do you have construction toys as well as creative toys, depending on his interests

You should liaise with the parents to find out what they do at home around dvds / tv

You need to have a clear and consistent response when he begins to get distressed.

It may help to remember all behaviour is communication (be that panic, anger, frustration, sadness)

Ask his parents how they handle distress at home and work with them to agree a response for your setting

OP, when you say clearly on the spectrum, what do you mean? Has he had any sort of assessment and are the parents aware of your concerns?

I agree with another posted. Schedule and routine are key here, a wall chart, maybe with a simple clock (if he knows numbers) would work.
At the start of the day take him to wall chart, which will show for example. Playing cars, snack, dvd, park, lunch etc. So he can clearly see what's happening at each point of the day and in what order

Try using a visual timetable with him. Allocate 'dvd time' This way your response could be "it's not dvd time yet" rather than just saying "no dvds" A familiar movie is predictable for a child with asd and provides comfort. There are lots of examples of visual timetables online which would help to get you started

When you say you have an autistic child in your care, do you actually mean-you think he’s autistic? Or has he actually been diagnosed by a paediatrician?

I presume you have met with the parents to discuss concerns and what works at home?

Have you discussed the Health Visitor’s views? Shown the parents any developmental gaps in the EY profile? Suggested they visit the GP for referral? Spoken to the area senco? Put some targets in place?

I would strongly suggest you do a Level 3 senco course.

You need to speak to his parents and care plan with them, not with AIBU. Which you would know if you had the experience you say.

More simple than a visual timetable is a now and next board. So you can say, "Yes you can watch a DVD, but first we are doing baking" etc. Also, traffic light cards are good for giving him 2/5 minute warnings, with the amber card, of when DVD time will finish. Also sandtimers are good for 5 more minutes.

I agree with the visual timetable and different toys. Also a now and next board may be helpful, timers so he knows how long each activity will last, give him some choice (this or that, sometimes too much choice can be overwhelming)

Are his parents aware of your concerns regarding his development? If they aren't or don't have concerns of their own, you may want to think carefully about how you approach them. I think many parents are aware but bury their head (it's difficult) and they may need a gentle approach.

If his parents are aware, are they getting any help? OT, SLT or behaviour? Are they on a diagnostic pathway? The professionals involved could give you better advice tailor made to his needs.

Is he making expected progress? Is it likely he will need help at school? If he is three and has a Summer birthday he may need an ehc assessment. The LA may have senco's which you can access and get their advice too.

sensory base during activities may be good for him.

As pp said meltdowns are communication.

Has he been diagnosed ,is he under any assessment ? Portage can help with structure of activities etc and yes whilst now and next and visual timetables are useful tools and are helpful it does depend on the child s understanding ,they woulda e been useless at three with my son who is autistic and has severe learning disabilities ,what support is very good there in the LEA ? In my town we have specialist nursery places for children with disabilities including autism ,are the parents not looking at the "Local.Offer"?

whilst it is laudable that you don't want to give up on this little boy, you need to remember this is your livelihood and consider the effect on your other mindees. who seem to be struggling coping with him
I would be saying no DVDs , the player is broen. Otherwise he will be constantly obsessing about them.

He doesn't have a care plan and his parents speak English as a 2nd language. He is literally just turned 3 so I'm unsure if he would respond to a visual timetable but definitely worth a try.
Not quite sure what you are inferring with the experience comment ravioli but I can assure you I'm not lying about my childcare experience! I just have no direct special needs experience that's all, only what I covered at college.
His parents suspected autism as his sibling also has it. It was very apparent he does too from day 1. He is non verbal, gives no eye contact, very fussy with food, unable to join in with others, runs round looking completely bewildered etc etc.
I've filled in the forms for assessment and he is waiting for an appointment which will probably take months!
Thanks for replies so far.

Has this child actually been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum? Have you discussed the fact that you think he ‘clearly’ is with his parents?

Sorry, cross post.

If you lack specialist experience and aren’t equipped to support his needs then maybe he would cope better in a different setting. It sounds like the current situation is unsuitable for him and for your other children.

I think.his parents need to be pushing for assessment tbh,it might be.he needs more input than you can offer ,nursery might be more appropriate as they can put things in place and push for assessment when my son went to.nursery they did loads of assessments pushed for a,statement ( pre SEND reforms) which went a long way go to getting a diagnosis when he was three and a half and a place at a special school .

Our local authority has an early years SEND team who were really helpful to me and the nursery staff when placing DS1 in nursery. I don't know if they have support for childminders but they do have some online resources for providers that I think would be useful. Have you had a look to see if they're is anything in your/the child's area?

A timer can help. One that he can help.you set and is easy to see. Make sure its set for the end of an episode/film. Have a "timetable" on the wall. Pictures of activities or tasks like lunch etc that are laminated with velcro and make a grid with arrows. First we do 'this' then 'dvd'. When the task is finished remove the picture so he can focus on what is next. If he knows he can go back to it it may be easier to transition from the one activity to the next.

If you lack specialist experience and aren’t equipped to support his needs then maybe he would cope better in a different setting. It sounds like the current situation is unsuitable for him and for your other children

Absolutely this. You need to speak to the parents. It's not appropriate to take advice from the internet in this situation.

Agree with suggestions of a visual timetable, with him being non verbal it may be good to introduce makaton symbols as part of the timetable. This will help him learn how to communicate, which in turn can help with meltdowns.