Age to toilet unassisted?

[Blackbear19]

My 3yo DS has just moved room in nursery. They seem to be expecting him to use the toilet alone, hence 3 lots of wet clothes.

AIBU to think most 3yo still need help in the toilet?

I would expect a 3 yr old to only need help wiping after a poo unless they’ve only just been toilet trained.

Some kids aren’t even potty trained by 3. I’m interested to read other answers.
My 2.5 year old is still using the potty. I hope by the age of 3 she is using the toilet and requires minimal help, but who knows.

My son is 3 and a half and has been able to use the toilet independently for a while. At his nursery (attached to local primary) he has to be completely self sufficient including bottom wiping and hand washing. I think that’s a tiny bit harsh but tbf they all just seem to get on with it.

I can only speak from personal experience, in that it has been mixed...most children I know are able to go alone at 3 but I also know a couple that need support. Ultimately if you have told nursery he needs help, he needs help, and if he is wetting himself then perhaps they need to review things at the nursery (unless he says he doesn't need to go and wets himself, they can't force him). Our nursery has advised that toilet training is led at home and they will not do anything new that hasn't been introduced by parents already.

Have you told them he is not toilet trained? They may have been under the impression that he is?

Although fwiw, a friend manages a nursery. She has said the preschool children need to be able to take themselves to the toilet before starting school (unless there is a medical issue or developmental issue) as schools will not assist children in going to the toilet. So this would be 3 - 4 latest.

My just turned 3yo uses the toilet unaided in nursery as everything is at his height. He gets his step and uses it at home, unless he's desperate or wants company. I still hover to assist if I'm needed, and I think nursery staff potter about nearby incase they are needed. He's been both trained for 7 months though.

Toilet trained, not both

Mine was 2 and about 10 months, independent except for wiping at 2 and a half. If they are 3 and newly toilet trained then I'd expect them to be able to ask for some help for a few months until fully independent.

Hes been toilet trained since September so 4 months, not an overly long time. He will tell you he needs but we generally take him pull trousers down etc.

I kind of assumed they would so the same as they had in the previous room.

But it's got me thinking should I be trying to make him 100% independent in the loo?

Silly question but have you got bottoms he can easily pull down? I had to move my ds into loose tracksuit bottoms and underwear that didn't have tight elastic so they could pull them up and down easily. Boys still end up wetting front of themselves in the early days as their aim isn't to hot

Are you sending him in fully elasticated trousers he can manage himself? Jeans with elastic only halfway around, even with a popper or similar instead of a button will be trickier.

He should be able to pull bottoms down even if needs help pulling them back up

Both of mine could by 3 but they toilet trained easily around the age of 2 - we got lucky with that one! Just as well though as dd is summer born so started school just after she was 4, she definitely needed to be independent by then.

Think about the clothes you’re dressing him in & make sure he can be independent with them. I’d also try to get out of the habit of routinely helping him at home so he can begin to build more independence.

The jeans he has aren't particularly hard to pull down. I guess we just haven't really encouraged the next step of getting him to deal with his own clothing.

I have a biggish age gap and can't think for the life of me at what point was the eldest completely independent in the loo!

My three year old uses the toilet on her own, washes hands etc. Tbh her friends do too. We were at playgroup yesterday and they all went on their own. I still cant get my head around it though as only a baby yesterday

Although fwiw, a friend manages a nursery. She has said the preschool children need to be able to take themselves to the toilet before starting school (unless there is a medical issue or developmental issue) as schools will not assist children in going to the toilet. So this would be 3 - 4 latest.

Three year olds in preschool now will not be starting school for at least 7 months, so there is no reason that they couldn't be given assistance for another while.

Mine needed help after poos until about 6. Wees were about 3-4, although DS1's aim still leaves something to be desired...

The problem with the developmental issue bit is it may still be years before enough evidence shows up to get diagnosis. DS got his diagnoses of dyspraxia and ASD at 8, so no wonder he was struggling to twist and wipe sucessfully at 5! At that point he had some SALT intervention and was very slow to pick up reading and writing and were at the start of being fobbed off for 3 years in case he grew out of it. Now if he'd been born with diagnoses conveniently stamped on his forehead and a manual, it would have saved so much aggro during the toddler years...

No idea what the law was then, but when dd, now 16, moved rooms at 3 it was the rule they had to be able to use the toilet independently. Although they expected the odd mishap and I know they waived the rule for dc where there was a known/ suspected problem. I don't recall it being a problem for the average 3yr old.

And yes, at 3 I don't understand why an able bodied nt child would require help to pull their own pants up or down.

Hes only just turned 3. Won't be in school for another 18mths.

My kids could strip off for a bath at 2.
They would get themselves wet when they turned on the taps too much and splashed water though

OP I think you just need to teach him. Kids don't learn things easily if they are not taught it. He will get there though, so don't panic.

My DS is just three. He used the loo independently and has for a few months now, he sits to wee though as I don’t expect him to aim well yet. So he uses his step to turn light in if needed, sorts own clothes, uses loo and dresses again unless it’s a poo, then moves the step to the sink and washes his hands. Very occasionally we’ll have a wet loo seat and more often very wet sleeves as he won’t pull them up before he washes his hands! However others from his ante natal group are still in nappies. If you say he’s toilet trained perhaps try a reward chart for getting it all right with no wet bits and see if that helps?

My 3 yr old started toilet training at the beginning of January, and from what nursery say, he’s now mostly independently toileting there (with wees, at least).

Although the nursery staff have said that they encourage all the children to go to the toilet regularly, so they’re not totally relying on the children to take themselves off to the toilet when needed.

He’s able to pull down his trousers and pants himself - he sometimes needs help getting them back up again. And of course at nursery the toilets and sinks are all tiny so just the right height for 3 yr olds to manage unaided.

@Amatteroftime schools cannot refuse to help.children who have toilet accidents regardless of whether there are developmental delays ( and many are not diagnosed until after 3 or 4 ) according to the ERIC guidelines to leave a child wet or soiled could be deemed as neglect .

My nearly 4 yr old just needed help pulling her clothes back on before she started nursery at 3 but still had a few accidents in the early weeks. I think half of it was due to the new surroundings and the fact that she was distracted and so left it too late. We had around one accident a week for the first term and then she just got used to going herself.
Your DC is just newly 3 so I would expect them to remind him and maybe help him in the early days. It won't be long before he perfects the art himself!