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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want even just ten minutes alone away from the kids

30 replies

bonas · 29/01/2020 21:21

Honestly I sound like a completely horrible person but the moment I walk through the front door I have the 18m old clinging onto me before I've even had a chance to take my coat off. The other DC constantly hovering around me following me everywhere. Just everywhere. It's so suffocating. I wanted to have a coffee and a piece of chocolate and I told dh I'm going upstairs alone. Sure no problem, I've barely began drinking it when dc1 comes along. We have a nice chat but I honestly want to enjoy my coffee in solitude. Five minutes later the 18m old and dc2 come and find me. One wants a massage because he's been skipping too much and that's what he apparently needs and the other wants to dip her toy turtle in my cup.

15 minutes later I've got a cold cup of coffee sat on the cupboard and a warm Twirl in my pocket.

I just want to be alone for ten minutes! Please!

OP posts:
legalseagull · 29/01/2020 21:23

Hot bath. Lock the door

LoisLittsLover · 29/01/2020 21:24

Can you implement some house rules so that the kids recognise when you want to be alone, rather that you having to tell them to bugger off? EG if your bedroom door is shut then they don't disturb you unless someone is dying. You would need to spend some time reinforcing but would help longer term

Whynosnowyet · 29/01/2020 21:24

I mn for 10 mins loo every night.. Door locked.

WellErrr · 29/01/2020 21:25

Erm.....I think YAB a bit U as you state from when you come in through the door....so I’m assuming you’ve been away from the kids already?

Speaking as someone who literally didn’t have any time away from their kids for the first few years of their life apart from when I was sleeping (and sometimes not even then), I get how suffocating it is. But if someone who worked out of the home stated to me that they never had time away from their kids I probably would have screamed inside.

Original poster
bonas · 29/01/2020 21:26

I have told them that I'm going to my room. Please don't bug for the next 20 minutes or so but they get really annoyed it's as though I've told them I never want to see them again. Obviously little one won't understand but the older DC do. They'll hover around outside the door which gets me even more annoyed.

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 29/01/2020 21:28

YANBU. I do something really awful with the DCs when I need 5mins. iPads. Or Paw Patrol. Now that’s poor parenting.

(Did it after tea this evening. “Paw Patrol or ipads boys?” 20mins of peace with a cuppa. Bliss.)

justasking111 · 29/01/2020 21:30

Who is looking after them before you walk through the door?

Original poster
bonas · 29/01/2020 21:30

WellErrr I was a sahp when I had the older too for 7 years. Did everything as dh worked long hours then. Believe me - I know how you feel. They are also very close in age so was very hard! I know what you're saying if I had someone moaning they need a break when they went to work I would be thinking the same!

OP posts:
managedmis · 29/01/2020 21:31

If I'm on the phone I lock myself in the bathroom. Feel your pain

Original poster
bonas · 29/01/2020 21:32

Dh is at home early so is around to pick up from nursery etc. I get in after 5. But they don't seem to follow him around as much. It's always me

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofgs · 29/01/2020 21:32

Could you have a strategy to decompress on the way home so you are ready and up to be with them when you get in? Go for a coffee?

user1333796 · 29/01/2020 21:34

I completely get that frustrated feeling. I sometimes try and hide in my room with a cup of tea for 5 minutes and if they find me it's the most frustrating ever, I've really lost my shit before. BUT, the pp has a point. As a SAHM,I found a part time evening and weekend job as soon as my youngest stopped breastfeeding so I could have a break from them. Work is my child free break. My walk to and from work is my child free break. My half hour lunch break is my child free break.

I remember how incensed I'd get when DH used to come in from work and get straight in the bath or want the kids kept away while he has a lie down and I'd tell him how he doesn't know how lucky he is having a child free breakfast and lunch and nice drive home listening to music at his leisure...

So while I sympathise with that suffocating feeling, I don't know how you are feeling it the moment you get in.

user1493413286 · 29/01/2020 21:36

This completely reminds me of that book “five minutes peace” with the elephant family and every time I read it I think I don’t blame the mum.

Littlecaf · 29/01/2020 21:43

I remember my mum shouting “go away” and “ask your Father” through the locked bathroom door Grin many a time! I now understand why (she’s a fab mum and grandma but she clearly needed time out!)

Lycidas · 29/01/2020 22:03

You already have time away from the kids at work. I don't really understand your plight tbh.

thehorseandhisboy · 29/01/2020 22:08

Um, well work can be very demanding and tiring and men tend to come home from work and find some way of resting.

Women like OP walk through the door and simply start another shift.

I think OP is saying that she'd like some time to herself and, as her employer might not look very favourably on her lying down with a coffee and Twirl, she'd like to be able to have these precious few minutes at home.

justasking111 · 29/01/2020 22:10

I have a friend who has been known to sit outside in the car to decompress.

BecauseReasons · 29/01/2020 22:14

I have my 'me time' after bedtime. It's tough because I'm in Mummy mode immediately from walking in the door until bedtime is over with, but my little one hasn't seen me much all day so I do to prioritise time with her when she's awake.

Marmighty · 29/01/2020 22:16

Tbh I think it's unrealistic to expect any time to yourself within 2 hours of walking through the door, with young children who haven't seen you all day. I understand, i work full time and get home at 6pm, and the kids are basically on me until they go to sleep. I certainly don't get a hot drink, and usually more than one person accompanies me to the toilet. Might be able to hide in a cupboard for 15 second's to scoff a chocolate bar.

Comtesse · 29/01/2020 22:19

Work all day like a loon, rush out the door to get home in time, then a commute and get greeted by everyone shouting MUMMY and wanting to climb on you. It feels like a hairdryer blowing into your face on full. I get you OP I do.

AdaFromYorkshire · 29/01/2020 22:26

You need to plan your journey home so you get a 15 minute break then. Stop the car in a layby? Sit at a cafe at the station? Then you've had your break before the children see you.

WateryFowls · 29/01/2020 22:27

So do I. Mine are 8 and 12 and I still get it. I'm trying to go to sleep now but dd2 keeps coming in and asking me things. I'm on the verge of losing my temper, they never ever ask DH, only ever me.

YappityYapYap · 29/01/2020 22:28

You've had a break from them all day at work 😂. Are you not dying to see them when you get home? Or do you mean once you've said all the hello's and given them a cuddle, you would just like 10 minutes alone after a long day? If so, I understand what you mean

gassylady · 29/01/2020 22:29

Is that you Mrs Large? Has inflation caused your five minutes peace to rocket to ten minutes alone?

MeetmeinParis · 29/01/2020 22:32

Currently trying to watch a tv programme with DH whilst discussing inane shit we need to discuss and having just "got rid" of the 10 yo, the 13 yo, comes down for a chat. It doesn't end......

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