Long time lurker but first time posting. I can't get my head around my mums views and advice regarding what I should strive for in life and want to know if IABU.
Sorry its a bit long but don't want to drip feed. I am currently renting with my dh and two children (South East) . I work part time but am also completing a degree. Dh also works.
A bit of a background. Grew up in single parent household, just me, mum and sibling. Lived in council house which my mum still does. Absolutely nothing wrong with this whatsoever and have never suggested otherwise. Always seen it as a house is a house and was always homely and enjoyable place to be. I saw how much my mum struggled financially, we often went without though overall had a very happy childhood (spent a lot of time with gp whilst mum worked) and learnt the value of things.
I've chosen to start my degree after having my children as always had a passion for the subject and want to be able to provide without worrying if something was to stop working, not worry about food and bills and have an occasional holiday etc. Degree will lead to a career that though will not be a very highly paid it is still something I'm passionate about and money wise I would be very comfortable compared to what I grew up with/what I'm used too (healthcare related. Not high for what the job includes but still comfortable, IYSWIM)
The other day we were discussing the future and I mentioned saving for a mortgage after degree is finished as we have had bad luck landlord wise previously and want somewhere more secure. My mum said to forget that and to aim for a council house. I explained that my earning would be too high to see a need for it in their eyes. She then replied with 'not if you don't work it wont' I said I wasn't working hard through this degree, giving up time with my young children to then not put it to use, she started challenging me asking why I can't not work until I get one (this could take years and not something I'm willing to do. I would love to be offered a position and use my qualification straight away and start earning as student loans aren't exactly generous though that's a different topic altogether. Also not working for a prolonged period would cause me to loose my registration) Even if I did give up work my dh earns enough to afford private rent (on around 23k at entry level so not high but is due promotion shortly so it is enough to push us over the threshold for any UC and council house need) Also to stop earnings means to not be able to afford our rented house, being evicted and then not even being offered a property due to making ourselves intentionally homeless. It makes no sense to me.
My sibling has a council house after years waiting and living with other family members in one room with a self employed oh and children, she works part time around the childrens needs (again, nothing wrong with this it works for them) Maybe I'm the odd one out? My mum seems to think this is the life I should aim for and I'm a snob to think otherwise. I don't want to come across as a snob I have no problem with council housing but I feel they should be for those who really need it and we don't. I would like to help provide for my children and make sure I could do so alone should anything happen (not assuming it will but I saw how hard it was for my mum when my dad left and so promised myself I would always make sure me and my children were okay as you just never know) I have several disabilities which require surgeries and strong medication and I've been told by her in the past to give up work and claim for these disabilities and of course this would make the council house application easier but this isn't what I want. I want to follow my passion, to work while I can and to provide for my children without worrying about making ends meet.
My mum always worked whilst we grew up but was lucky not to have childcare costs as our gp were retired and we spent most of our time with them. I always respected my mum for providing for us and working (though I can see how it's not manageable for many and would never judge anyone for needing to not work) which is why I guess I can't understand her thought process. Everytime we discuss this she gets angry and declares I'm a snob thinking I'm above her which isn't the case. I just want to know whether IABU to politely ignore her advice and carry on with my degree and hope it doesn't impact our relationship too much and that she can see I'm not doing this to try and be 'better' than anyone. Thanks for reading if you got all the way through. I'm just tired of the same argument and it's impacting our relationship.