Aibu to think my mums advice doesn't make any sense?

[Ineedanap90]

Long time lurker but first time posting. I can't get my head around my mums views and advice regarding what I should strive for in life and want to know if IABU.
Sorry its a bit long but don't want to drip feed. I am currently renting with my dh and two children (South East) . I work part time but am also completing a degree. Dh also works.

A bit of a background. Grew up in single parent household, just me, mum and sibling. Lived in council house which my mum still does. Absolutely nothing wrong with this whatsoever and have never suggested otherwise. Always seen it as a house is a house and was always homely and enjoyable place to be. I saw how much my mum struggled financially, we often went without though overall had a very happy childhood (spent a lot of time with gp whilst mum worked) and learnt the value of things.

I've chosen to start my degree after having my children as always had a passion for the subject and want to be able to provide without worrying if something was to stop working, not worry about food and bills and have an occasional holiday etc. Degree will lead to a career that though will not be a very highly paid it is still something I'm passionate about and money wise I would be very comfortable compared to what I grew up with/what I'm used too (healthcare related. Not high for what the job includes but still comfortable, IYSWIM)

The other day we were discussing the future and I mentioned saving for a mortgage after degree is finished as we have had bad luck landlord wise previously and want somewhere more secure. My mum said to forget that and to aim for a council house. I explained that my earning would be too high to see a need for it in their eyes. She then replied with 'not if you don't work it wont' I said I wasn't working hard through this degree, giving up time with my young children to then not put it to use, she started challenging me asking why I can't not work until I get one (this could take years and not something I'm willing to do. I would love to be offered a position and use my qualification straight away and start earning as student loans aren't exactly generous though that's a different topic altogether. Also not working for a prolonged period would cause me to loose my registration) Even if I did give up work my dh earns enough to afford private rent (on around 23k at entry level so not high but is due promotion shortly so it is enough to push us over the threshold for any UC and council house need) Also to stop earnings means to not be able to afford our rented house, being evicted and then not even being offered a property due to making ourselves intentionally homeless. It makes no sense to me.

My sibling has a council house after years waiting and living with other family members in one room with a self employed oh and children, she works part time around the childrens needs (again, nothing wrong with this it works for them) Maybe I'm the odd one out? My mum seems to think this is the life I should aim for and I'm a snob to think otherwise. I don't want to come across as a snob I have no problem with council housing but I feel they should be for those who really need it and we don't. I would like to help provide for my children and make sure I could do so alone should anything happen (not assuming it will but I saw how hard it was for my mum when my dad left and so promised myself I would always make sure me and my children were okay as you just never know) I have several disabilities which require surgeries and strong medication and I've been told by her in the past to give up work and claim for these disabilities and of course this would make the council house application easier but this isn't what I want. I want to follow my passion, to work while I can and to provide for my children without worrying about making ends meet.

My mum always worked whilst we grew up but was lucky not to have childcare costs as our gp were retired and we spent most of our time with them. I always respected my mum for providing for us and working (though I can see how it's not manageable for many and would never judge anyone for needing to not work) which is why I guess I can't understand her thought process. Everytime we discuss this she gets angry and declares I'm a snob thinking I'm above her which isn't the case. I just want to know whether IABU to politely ignore her advice and carry on with my degree and hope it doesn't impact our relationship too much and that she can see I'm not doing this to try and be 'better' than anyone. Thanks for reading if you got all the way through. I'm just tired of the same argument and it's impacting our relationship.

@Urkiddingright I think you have hit the nail on the head with how she feels. She does often come across as bitter with the 'whole world is against me' attitude. She hasn't had it easy to say the least we never had a penny from my dad and she struggled so much and has health issues of her own so I always admired her for that though unfortunately as time has gone I feel its left her resenting me as I was a newborn when my dad left and she did whatever job she could to provide and perhaps now feels like me aiming higher is somehow ungrateful as she never could do that due to the situation she was in. Like I'm saying following in the same footsteps isn't good enough when that's not the case at all. I am very thankful she worked hard and my gp were there I always felt loved but she needs to remember this isn't a reflection on her and should realise I want my chosen career path because I'm passionate about it and also to provide a more secure life for my family. I hope one day she sees that. I have often mentioned about her changing jobs and retraining if she wanted too but I think she likes her job and it works well around other commitments. But you're right. It's never too late. Even though I'm still relatively young it's not the easiest timing with very young children (youngest is only 1) it's still something I'm passionate about and wanting to achieve. I would support her if she chose to retrain and I hope she can get to a place where she can be supportive of my choices too.

Opinions like your Mum’s are exactly what is wrong with the system but perhaps it comes from her own fears.

Keep doing what you are doing OP, you’re doing fab.

Your mum had it tough and she is erring on the side of caution. She is probably worried about student debt, and having a degree and proper career is outside her experience.

My mum ridiculed my sis for training as a teacher because she said evil should be providing for them.

They’re both wrong. The world has changed and they haven’t, that’s all. Good luck with your plans.

Dbil not evil.

This does happens to some children of working class parents that go through higher education and start on the career path. It happened to me.

Your ambition and life goals are outside of your mother’s experience. She can’t understand why you won’t settle for what she has. You will change in your outlook through your education and future career (probably already have) and she will note this (calling you a snob) and it unsettles her. She may see your different choices to her own as a rejection.

My own mother has never supported my education, ambition, career path, never celebrated any achievement in my career. My professional job (and life) was completely outside her understanding and she never made any attempts to understand it.

She had an idea of who I should be and conflict arose because I never was that person. I was the outsider in the family because she could relate to my baby making stay at home working class sisters who all lived in the same local family bubble like she did.

Your mother might adapt to you over time if she is able to self reflect on her emotions but she may not have the tools to do this. Mine never did and would pointedly make barbed and cruel comments and try to sabotage my success all through my career. It badly affected my self esteem growing up and I needed a fair bit of counselling to understand the family dynamic. I’m now the family outsider and happy to be one.