AIBU for not wanting to kiss nephew

[NotHereToMakeFriends]

I'll keep this short.

I have four brothers and two of them have children. I am closer to one of their kids than I am to the others due to having to look after one of them once a week whilst my SIL recovered from a c-section and didn't want the older one (who was three at the time) to feel like he was being pushed out. I'm also their emergency contact at school, purely because I live closer than anyone else and have the emergency house key. I have a strong relationship with them.

My other brother who's kids I adore keep trying to get me to kiss my nephew on the head when they leave. To be clear, I don't do this with any of the kids in my family, I do hugs and high-fives and it's always been that way with both sets of kids. He's insisting that my nephew will know I don't love him because I'm the only one who doesn't kiss him goodbye. I settle for a high-five with him and he loves it and laughs every time I do this and this goes on for a few minutes and in return, I get plenty of laughs and smiles. I treat his kids no different to how I treat my other brother's kids but I've never been asked to babysit due to her parent's and my parent's being closer.

AIBU for not wanting to kiss my nephew goodbye? Do you think he will grow up thinking I don't love him because of this?

YANBU I don't think any kids should be forced to kiss grown ups, and vice versa.
Of course he won't think you don't love him

YADNBU

My friend always insisted her daughter kissed me goodbye on the lips. I imagine the poor child had to do this with all her relatives and friends. It made me uncomfortable because I come from a family who aren’t physically affectionate at all and we didn’t kiss anyone except our spouses on the lips (strict Muslim family), not even our parents. My family were too at the other extreme but this incident with this little child being forced to kiss adults made me feel deeply uncomfortable.

I hate the idea of forcing children to hug and kiss people. They should get to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with and not ignore their gut feelings.

Equally, you shouldn’t be forced into doing something you aren’t happy about or don’t agree with. Stick to your guns about this.

You're not being unreasonable.
I only tell my son to kiss my sister when she's being annoying (he's a very wet kisser 😂).
I never expect anyone to have physical contact with my child which my child doesn't instigate or that makes either party uncomfortable... Apart from my sister.

YANBU.

Are you a germaphobe? Were quite kissy in my family so high-fiving would seem weird to me (it’s a bit “fake/American”)
But if it makes you uncomfortable you shouldn’t do it - what is it that makes you uncomfortable? Are you just like that in general?

YANBU. I doubt your nephew notices or cares. I used to hate it when I was a kid and had to kiss or hug everyone when we were leaving.

YANBU. I have 9 nieces/nephews and I have never kissed any of them! It doesn't mean i don't love them!

Yanbu my dn is almost 2 and sometimes she doesn't want to give me a kiss when I go. That's absolutely fine we do hi five instead.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable!!! My ex sil used to make her daughter kiss everyone on the lips before she left/went to bed etc. I of course kiss my child but found it very weird kissing her, didn’t have the heart to not kiss her but it made me cringe inside what I’m earth was the poor mother thinking making the little girl kiss all the uncles and aunties, this then led to me then step daughter kissing everyone every two seconds (extremely sloppy kisser!) and after a while I would just make my lips impossible for her to reach (stood up or told her dad I was wearing one of those tingly lipsticks) maybe not the nicest thing but it made me uncomfortable to say the least.

Why wouldn't you want to kiss him? Genuine question. A cuddle and high five is fine if that is all you are comfortable with. My brothers and sisters always kiss my kids though so I only have that to go on.

I'm just not comfortable with it. I'm not really a touchy-feely person tbh. We were brought up in a household where we would get hugs and kisses from parents but that's it. We weren't encouraged to kiss relatives, except parent's and grandparents but that was until we were old enough to make the decision and I switched to hugs.

The only reason I high-five with my nephew is that he has cerebral palsy and it encourages him to use his weak hand. Dr recommended.

YANBU. It's each to their own, I guess. I can't stop kissing my nephews though. I could eat them.

Yanbu. I discourage my DC from kisses I trained them to out their forehead when Grandparents want to kiss them.
Do you kiss the nephew you are closest to?
ATM DS loves kissing smackers straight on my lips lately, I'm trying to discourage him gently, he would never kiss anyone else like this, he happily sits in my lap kissing my face off.

I'm quite a physically affectionate person, but I would find this a bit weird, tbh. I would never force anyone into a hug or kiss, and I would hate it if any of the children in my family were made to kiss or hug me.
With children I'm close/related to, it's always a high five or a fist bump because it's a fun, silly way to be affectionate , and sometimes, I get a cuddle, too, but that's for the child to decide.

I find it odd that you wouldn't want to. My little nephews always come for a kiss and cuddle when they see us. They'd be really confused if we said no.

I find it a bit odd that you wouldn't want to kiss him and I expect it does look like you are actively avoiding doing so and that's why it's been mentioned.

There’s a video doing the rounds with a teacher and children coming into a classroom- where the teacher has symbols on the wall so the children choose how to be greeted. Send it to your brother!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TdukPkUo30c

@EmeraldShamrock I don't we settle for hugs and I've never been forced into it as my SIL knows it makes me uncomfortable. They don't really kiss any relatives, they give more hugs.

I do not kiss anyone besides my DH, and I don’t hug anyone besides my DH and kids.

I grew up in a totally unaffectionate family and physical contact makes me incredibly uncomfortable. DH’s family are always trying to hug me and 12 years later still think I’m a rude bitch because I often just move away when they go in for a hug.

I’ve voluntarily given one hug in my life. And it has quite an epic story to it. 😂

Everyone has their personal boundaries, no one should be forced to hug or kiss anyone. I don’t find it odd at all.

@lifecouldbeadream I imagine he's already seen it. He's just someone who thinks I favour my other nephews over his kids but I feel I am equally affectionate with both.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor and @Sparklyring it does sound confusing but he doesn't expect it from his Aunty. If he comes over for a cuddle, he gets one but he never expects a kiss.

I'm usually the first one to get down and play with him and he's made me laugh to the point of crying and he finds it's so fun. I'd rather show him my affection that way. I think it's my other SIL who has mentioned something as she doesn't like me all that much.

I find it a little rigid that you won't be "touchy feely" (your words) with them at all. If for example, a young child is ill or in pain they benefit greatly from being held or touched. It's comforting.

I mean it's not a massive issue either way but could you not just give nephew a peck on the head goodbye instead of making a mountain out of a molehill?
What are your reasons to stubbornly refuse?

*Ok sorry just seen in your update that you do cuddle them, so you are fine with being touch feely with them. I'm confused. What is it about kissing specifically that you feel so uncomfortable with?

We used to hug our uncles/aunts but never kissed them goodbye not even when we were babies (I asked my mum).

When they leave, it's "say goodbye to grandma and grandad" who kiss him and then it's "say goodbye to aunty" and I just say you know aunty doesn't give kisses so I want a big squishy cuddle and a high five which goes on for about 5 minutes and then my brother and SIL are like you should give him a kiss goodbye as he will feel pushed out but when he leaves our cuddles and high fives he seems much happier and smiley with it so I feel like I don't need to change it.

Now he knows that I don't give kisses, he gets ready for a squish and a high-five's.

They just make me feel guilty about it but I don't do it with the 3 other children in the family so why should my nephew be any different.

I don't we settle for hugs and I've never been forced into it as my SIL knows it makes me uncomfortable
If they are all treated the same then I'd have a firm word with him without his DS in earshot.
I hated giving the room hugs and kisses as a child, my Nanny's friends were elderly their skin felt cold, we were made kiss our uncle in his casket before the lid went on as children.
If the adult's ask my DC for kisses when leaving my DC run off.