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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Felt like he broke up with me out of spite - AIBU?

36 replies

LightyLight · 29/01/2020 15:20

3 months in, he was messaging frequently, planning all the dates, driving it... No pressure to get me into bed either although he was keen and asked me to stay over. Seemed like it was starting to get serious.

We had a mini-argument halfway through when something weird happened and we left it for a few days as a result (instigated by me) - he was asking me to give him another chance, planned dates etc and wanted to make it up to me - I asked for some space for a few days.

I got over it within a few days and we met up one more time, I psyched myself up and was excited, it was a good date - now he says he's not feeling it and has ended it.

I can't help but feel this was a response to my reaction to his comment... and it hurts... Feel like it's tit for tat behaviour. The thing he did was definitely weird and the kind of thing you can accept once you know the person a few months in but not after a few weeks.

Not sure why I feel down about it, I assumed because we had a connection - AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Bartlet · 29/01/2020 15:24

Perhaps it was tit for tat. Perhaps he decided that you were too high maintenance and wasn’t worth the hassle after your previous flounce.

It does seem like too much drama for such a new relationship and it sounds like you’re better off apart.

Are you just miffed because he dumped you?

GenderfreeJoe · 29/01/2020 15:27

What did he do? (Nosey)

Original poster
LightyLight · 29/01/2020 15:29

Showed me some really weird things from his past which just killed the vibe really!

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 29/01/2020 15:40

The emails re: colleague leaving speech?

Original poster
LightyLight · 29/01/2020 15:41

Pics: don't want to be outing, yes

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 29/01/2020 15:43

I'm completely lost. What has a colleague's leaving speech got to do with any of this?

Tinydancer123 · 29/01/2020 15:43

Sorry you are feeling bad .
Hard to comment on without knowing what he did ? Perhaps he ended it based on that dissaproval ?

Ennith · 29/01/2020 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinydancer123 · 29/01/2020 15:45

Ps what is the leaving speach is ?

TheMustressMhor · 29/01/2020 15:45

Did you post this earlier, OP?

CakeandCustard28 · 29/01/2020 15:45

I feel like we’re missing half the story here.

TheMustressMhor · 29/01/2020 15:46

CakeandCustard I feel like we're missing 99% of the story here.

Amylox · 29/01/2020 15:46

I wouldn't exactly say that was spite. I think if a woman came on here and said that a man had done what you did she would be told he wasn't that into her and to cut her losses because he wasn't that into her. It was probably a reaction to what you said but quite a sensible one. Someone not wanting to be around isn't exactly the sign of a healthy relationship after 3 months, is it?

Ellisandra · 29/01/2020 15:49

You’ll never know - but I saw your other thread, he’s a dick, so just be glad you’re shot of him. It stings to be dumped -but it’ll soon be history Flowers

Highonpotandused · 29/01/2020 16:03

Haven't seen the other thread, but if it was a good date (without sex?) then maybe he genuinely didn't feel the connection anymore?

aroundtheworldyet · 29/01/2020 16:06

She had a thread where the ops boyfriend showed her an email from a colleague from 10 years ago where it said he was a right lad. And treated women like shit. Then he proudly shows off about it to the op. If I am remembering the right thread

OP why did you take this twat back in the first place. He’s an immature dick head

TheMustressMhor · 29/01/2020 16:06

Can someone link the other thread

PicsInRed · 29/01/2020 16:08

This is at least the 3rd thread on this.
He's mental and you need to let it go and stay away from him.

Original poster
LightyLight · 29/01/2020 16:08

Would prefer if you didn't link the other thread actually - name changes etc.

OP posts:
Olliephaunt4eyes · 29/01/2020 16:09

I don't know if breaking up with someone out of spite is a thing. I mean, at this stage in your relationship he's not obliged to date you, he does it if it's fun and makes him feel good and vice versa. And if he doesn't feel it, of course he should end it.

No idea if he's a twat or not, but I don't think he did the wrong thing from the sounds of it. You're not suited.

Ellisandra · 29/01/2020 16:09

The other thread doesn’t add anything to this one.
OP cooled it because he was a dick. As it happens, legitimately so, but even if not - it’s her choice.
She changed her mind (IMO a bad idea!)
He then dumped her instead.
Very annoying!
But nobody here can ever say whether he just wasn’t feeling it, or did it quite deliberately.
Either is possible - what more can we say?

KindnessCrusader · 29/01/2020 16:09

Yeah I'd just move on, this isn't the relationship for you! Sorry op Thanks

aroundtheworldyet · 29/01/2020 16:10

I’d just be thankful he’s out of your life. It really shouldn’t be this hard

Ellisandra · 29/01/2020 16:11

I think a lot of people phrase things as an AIBU, as this is the busiest board.
When actually, what the OP just needs is a space to say, “aaaarrrrgh, he might have done that deliberately! What an aesehole!” and have some supportive words from friendly replies!

TheMustressMhor · 29/01/2020 16:11

Well - if there is (albeit very little) more information on another thread or threads, and it doesn't make it any easier to judge, perhaps the OP will explain a little further.