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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting dh to be generous?

45 replies

brightonlovedaisy · 29/01/2020 14:42

so... longtime lurker, first-time poster. please help me clear up something that's been on my mind... we (dh and I) had a drinks party for our daughter's christening, when the bubbles ran out I ordered some more. when dh saw - he said, something to the effect of 'spend all my money' I commented back, that I would pay for the extra drinks. He is the breadwinner, by a long way. would you be upset? AIBU? thank you in advance!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2020 14:44

How much were the 'bubbles' and how much did you spend? Are you struggling for money?

FWIW DH would moan about it if it was a lot but ultimately all money is 'ours'.

araiwa · 29/01/2020 14:45

Its really easy to be generous with somebodyelses money

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2020 14:55

It's impossible to know from your op.

We don't know if your dh works 90 hours a week, you work none, and you're short of money but you spend like there's no tomorrow leaving your dh to work 91 the next week.

Or maybe your dh earns £100k and doesn't allow you any whilst you do all the housework and childcare, and can't even buy a coffee.

More info op please.

SunOnAll · 29/01/2020 14:58

Being generous doesn't equate to happily buying 'bubbles' because you want them; like a PP says, more context needed!

Sirzy · 29/01/2020 15:00

If you went ahead and started buying more after the agreed amount had been drunk then YABU. Why couldn’t people have paid for their own? How many “bubbles” are needed for a christening?

QforCucumber · 29/01/2020 15:06

Dh would probably make a daft jokey comment like this 'spend all my money don't you' in the same way i said to him the other day then he must think we grow money in the garden when he's talking about holidays.
However - only you know the context - did you speak to him before ordering? Did the christening already go over budget? Had you agreed an amount to spend and then you've decided tt just order more?

Brazi103 · 29/01/2020 15:06

So you ordered and told your dh after? I would be pissed as well especially if money was tight.

Shoxfordian · 29/01/2020 15:08

Depends how much you ordered
12 bottles, yabu

NeverTwerkNaked · 29/01/2020 15:08

It depends whether you are on the breadline or millionaires, and so many other things

CakeandCustard28 · 29/01/2020 15:10

I’d be annoyed too.. unless you asked him first?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/01/2020 15:11

Need more context really. Had you agreed a set amount? Is money tight at the moment? Are you earning any money yourself?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/01/2020 15:11

It completely depends.... but generally if you agreed to spend X on alcohol, spent that and ordered more without talking to him, you were unreasonable.

Calic0 · 29/01/2020 15:13

If DH and I were holding an event, had agreed a budget and then he went and splashed out on a whole load more without mentioning (and with the possible intention of being flash since, surely, once initial “bubbles” are consumed to move on to something...less bubbly?) then I might comment. Although said comment would relate to
“Our” money not “his” because we are a unit.

As everyone else has said, context is everything here.

Highonpotandused · 29/01/2020 15:13

Hmm the key words are ‘spend all my money’.

If you’re a SAHM it should be family money.

Are you a SAHM?

Highonpotandused · 29/01/2020 15:14

And sorry, it’s it clear from your OP how many people you ordered bubbly for.

And hopefully bubbly isn’t a euphemism for Cristal.

Highonpotandused · 29/01/2020 15:15

*it’s not clear

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 29/01/2020 15:15

So you wanted to use his hard ear to money for champagne?

Easy to fancy champagne when someone else is paying isn’t it?

Generally speaking in most celebrations you start of with champagne then move on to cava/wine which is cheaper when you are paying for a crowd.

Yabu

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2020 15:17

but generally if you agreed to spend X on alcohol, spent that and ordered more without talking to him, you were unreasonable.

DH and I both have Scottish family and it would be unthinkable to run out of booze at an event we were hosting so I'd not have to ask. I'd be moving the heavy drinkers on to cheap stuff though! DH would order more as well without checking.

But the OP seems scant on details normally means goady or unreasonable IME.

PurpleDaisies · 29/01/2020 15:18

More information needed.

fantasmasgoria1 · 29/01/2020 15:23

As a family unit it's not just his money it's family money. Regardless of what you spent or not, when you are a family there should only be family money. I don't work currently due to spinal issues and mental illness and my fiance would never dream of saying I was spending his money. He always says we are a partnership and it's our money.

Original poster
brightonlovedaisy · 29/01/2020 15:23

SAHM

Was champagne, I went on to order 4 bottles of prosecco, I ordered in front of him as the waiter happened to asked me. And, yes he does very well.

yep @Calic0 it's the MY money bit, that I'm mulling over

Agreed, should have absolutely pre-discussed. I think it's more the tone that's troubling me... and use of the word 'my'. If it was - spend all 'our' money, I might be feeling a little more unsettled.

He's also much more flash than I am and tends to care about 'looking a certain way' than I do. I was a bit caught up in the moment of making sure everyone was having a nice time. Feeling a bit concerned about how this bodes for the future

OP posts:
Original poster
brightonlovedaisy · 29/01/2020 15:24
  • and thank you for the thoughts
OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 29/01/2020 15:30

Why wouldn't you have agreed a budget before hand?

Josette77 · 29/01/2020 15:33

4 more bottles?? How much were they?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/01/2020 15:33

What is his attitude towards your day to day spending generally? Does he control the finances or do you have free reign?

If this comment is a one off then I'd let it go but if he has form then I'd be very wary of being a SAHM and relying on him for money.