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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - To not tell my manager where I am going

44 replies

Rattymare · 28/01/2020 12:03

I have managed to secure a place on a family programme for myself to help me to cope with my Ds who is a drug addict . The problem is the programme is between 10.00 and 12.00 on a morning for a set number of weeks. I work flexi full time and am happy to take the time as flexi but I don't want to tell my boss where I am going. If it was 12.00 - 2.00 it wouldn't be a problem as I could take the time as a long lunch break. But 10.00 - 2.00 are core hours.

OP posts:
Reythemamajedi · 28/01/2020 12:04

I'm sure you wouldn't have to but will they allow it during core hours?

ColourMyDreams · 28/01/2020 12:07

I think it's reasonable to tell him where you are going if it's impacting on your work hours. However, you don't have to tell him why of course.
You can't reasonably ask him for time off without explaining why.

Felford · 28/01/2020 12:08

Time off as approved annual leave = none of his business

Time off as flexi = its reasonable for him to ask.

InOtterNews · 28/01/2020 12:10

What kind of manager do you have? Do you have a good relationship?

On basis that it's during core hours, it would be hard to not tell them - on the understanding that it's confidential. You could make something up (i.e. health tests) but I would rather be open and not tempt fate (in case I do even end up needing tests)

fruitbrewhaha · 28/01/2020 12:10

What an unhelpful time to run such a programme!

I'm guessing your work allows flexi time of say start time anytime between 7 and 10 and finish 3 and 6? So you'll need to take annual leave to go, can you take half days?

insancerre · 28/01/2020 12:11

yabu if it’s during work hours

Blackbear19 · 28/01/2020 12:11

Could you give him a version of the truth, family counselling or something?

JosefKeller · 28/01/2020 12:13

You can't expect him to agree if you don't explain why. You could stay vague enough, but why should he be fine with you bailing out core hours for no good reason?

Dontdisturbmenow · 28/01/2020 12:13

What job do you do? Do you have meeting etc... We operate on a flexi arrangment but no way would it be acceptable to leave for 2 hours every week or so for some time without agreement.

Can't you say it's for medical care for yours and leave it that?

Apolloanddaphne · 28/01/2020 12:14

I imagine that if he has to authorise you being out of office at this time he needs to know why.

fruitbrewhaha · 28/01/2020 12:14

Don't lie about it being to see a doctor for goodness sake! You are of course allowed time off for a doctors appointment, but this isn't a doctors appointment.

You either need to be honest and ask if you can take a long lunch 10 to 2 and work around it, or if you don't want to tell anyone, take annual leave. It's what it's for afterall. Annual leave isn't just for holidays it's for days when you need to do something other than go to work.

DowntonCrabby · 28/01/2020 12:15

I’d just say it’s counselling, I hope he wouldn’t push further especially as you’re happy to make up the time.

ChristmasCakeLover · 28/01/2020 12:16

Can't you just tell him or her that you have caring responsibilities? It will be confidential.

RuggerHug · 28/01/2020 12:16

Say accompanying a family member to appointments that can't be rearranged?

Daftodil · 28/01/2020 12:20

Can you just say "for family matters". Your boss might assume it is something medical/personal and not want to pry anyway. If s/he asks, you can just say you'd rather not discuss it but it will be for x weeks only and if it is an issue, what are the issues and are there any work arounds.

Good luck on the programme and all the best for DS.

SeaToSki · 28/01/2020 12:23

I would just say its to help an immediate family member with some medical issues and you would rather not say exactly what issues if that is ok. Follow up with that ...you will be specific if they really need to know. Hopefully the social pressure of that, will mean that they wont ask and will approve the time off.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 28/01/2020 12:24

If asked I’d rather say “family counselling” and if any questions “I don’t want to talk about it”. Rather than not say what it is, sounds more mysterious and explains why you cannot be flexible at these times.

Hwory · 28/01/2020 12:29

‘It’s personal’ would be perfect fine for taking flexi at my office.

IntermittentParps · 28/01/2020 12:31

It's not at all clear from your post whether or not you'll be authorised to take the time; whether you're expected to give a reason; and how specific your reason needs to be.

2monstermash · 28/01/2020 12:36

Agree with posters, be vague and only reveal what you are comfortable with. If he pushes, just explain its very sensitive and you'd prefer not to say exactly what it is.

viques · 28/01/2020 12:38

I think you need to tell your line manager, in confidence, as much as you feel able to, eg you are supporting a family member/dealing with a family situation.

The thing is your colleagues are also going to notice your absence and comment on it, either to you or the line manager. If you can both say truthfully and confidently that you have discussed it and agreed to the time out then it could stop a lot of speculative gossip, and those who do want to gossip could find themselves in trouble with HR.

RicketyLangClegety · 28/01/2020 12:40

You don't need to be specific. It's to accompany a family member for medical reasons. Be assertive that it's not your medical problem so it's not your place to share details. If you can't flex those hours, hopefully you can take half days as annual leave.

Vulpine · 28/01/2020 12:41

I would just say i had a hospital appointment or something

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 28/01/2020 12:47

Tell him about the timings, but you could just say it's for personal, family reasons which you'd rather not go into and you're unable to change the times.

AJPTaylor · 28/01/2020 13:04

But it's not flexi, it's in core time.
Is there a reason you don't trust your line manager to keep it confidential?