**TMI** Consent related query

[SoggyFroggy]

Background:
Been with DP for 5 years, have a young child together.
DP has recently had a piercing 'down there', since then its been lots of foreplay as full intercourse is still off the cards with his healing process atm. Often we'll have a 'break' then go back to continue or for round 2.

Query:

So last night DP & I were having a 'session', I needed a break for 5 mins so said so, he suddenly flipped and got quite cross, saying that consent works both ways and he wouldn't of bothered pleasing me if I had no intention of returning the favour. I told him this wasn't the case, I had every intention of returning the favour, I just needed a few minutes break, as he does sometimes. We'll both go out for a cigarette together as a little 'breather'. Last night however, he made it clear that he thinks the 'break' thing we've been doing for the past 5 years is only for him, not me.

He's remained in a foul mood all day and will not drop it.

AIBU or is he?

He is, it works both ways.

Er, no, I am not following his version of "consent".

He doesn't seem to know what consent means 🤨

He is conflating the word "consent" with "consideration"

I’m not sure he understands what consent means but I would probably feel that I can’t be arsed if my husband got up to go for a smoke every time he had been satisfied, whilst I am still lying there feeling sexually frustrated and unsatisfied.
You must be at it for a very long time to need a break in the middle of each session.

Hang on, so you do foreplay on one partner, go have a fag then carry on the foreplay for another partner?

This has nothing to do with consent.

You have a young child and you have sex sessions with breaks!!? How?

Hmm fag breath!

Session 🤣

Everything about this sounds odd. What sort of marathon foreplay sessions require a fag break?!

Nothing sexier than a fag break midway through foreplay.

Also he doesn't know what the word 'consent' means. It sounds a really odd setup in general tbh.

A smoking break? (ewww)

During foreplay?

How long are we talking before this break?

I mean, sometimes one of us will need a mouthful of water.

I need more details.

He doesn't know what consent means. He thinks it means - foreplay and a break for him if he needs one =OK, foreplay with a break for you if you need one = not OK.

That's a weird interpretation of consent - he sounds pretty stupid.

@ConfusedButAngry

About an hour before the break,
Just so its clear it wasnt solely focused on me the entire hour

Does he mean he wouldn't have consented to going down on you if he knew you weren't going to go down on him?
Of course you can have a break during sex. You can call it off at any point that you want to. What a weird response. Very entitled and mean.

Last night however, he made it clear that he thinks the 'break' thing we've been doing for the past 5 years is only for him, not me.

Obviously, on the face of it, he’s being totally unreasonable. Did he explain why he had decided that?

AN HOUR? no wonder you need a break

The pearl-clutchers piling in on this thread

I'm confused, I thought this 'break' thing was occurring due to him getting a piercing, yet you've been doing it 5 years? Have a session, a fag then get back on it - sounds less like sex and more like working on a building site to be honest.

The whole thing sounds weird in all honesty. I'd not have the patience for any of this, especially after having kids.

I don’t understand his arguement, why shouldn’t you have the right to call for breaks?

Is he muddling consent with reciprocation?

Crikey, with a young child wearing me out, I'm grateful for a 5min session let alone a 5min break!

That piercing sounds gross (my helpful contribution)

Surely the break kills the mood?