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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp could help with housework&walking the dog??

45 replies

babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:11

Hi
Just that really! He works ft as a lorry driver but he starts&finishes at different times so can be home anywhere between 9am&3pm(usually not as late as that)
I've recently taken on another pt job at DDS school so I'm up at6 wake her at half past&we are out the door at 7.15 to start work at 7.30.finish at 9 it's getting on for 9.30 by time I walk home.then I have to walk the dog,fir half HR/HR come bk do housework,try&get some brekky before I then leave again for my other job at 11.45 I'm bk from that by 1.45 latest.i walk the dog again for an hr.plus the last month or so my mum's been in hosp so I've been visiting in the afternoons(I don't drive so have to rely on dp to take me) so poor dogs missed out on her walks a bit lately.im struggling to fit everything in I need to do&so have said to dp about helping with housework&or taking dog out.he won't! Says no I leave that to u love.his whole attitude is I've been working why should I have to do anything once I'm home? He won't even wash up on a work day!he will quite happily sit there on his laptop while I'm vacuuming,polishing whatever&won't lift a finger to help!
So now I'm thinking of getting a cleaner so then I can concentrate on taking the dog out for some nice longer walks&have a brekky that isn't in the run!
I have couple of friends that house clean so have asked&one of them has space&will do it.im seriously thinking of doing it!
Aibu??

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 28/01/2020 11:14

Give him the choice of paying for a cleaner or doing some cleaning.

Not sure how your finances are arranged but hed should pay for that if he wants to continue to not lift a finger

inwood · 28/01/2020 11:14

Can you afford a cleaner? Can you afford to quite one of the jobs? Sounds like a lot of hassle for probably not a lot of reward.

TreeClimbingCat · 28/01/2020 11:16

Please stop using the word "help." Help implies it is your job and you want assistance. Does he feel that because you have a vagina only you can wash up? Do housework?

What does he do around the house?

Nanny0gg · 28/01/2020 11:18

Are you a dinner lady?

If so, you'll pay the cleaner more per hour than you'll get possibly.

Stop doing anything (washing, cooking) for your lazy-arse husband for a start.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/01/2020 11:19

So you work part time, he works full time and you do all of the house work/pet care/child care? His attitude stinks, it's sexist, disrespectful, uncaring, selfish and lazy. Don't let someone treat you that way

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:22

Gabriella he would just tell me to pay for it I expect!
I don't want to quit either of my jobs&,I can afford to pay for one just about.i would see it as a good expense.
Tree climbing he does very little around the house.he puts the recycling out,empties the kitchen bin.he will do something if HE wants to&then expects me to help with it.if I don't think it needs doing or not in that day he will still do it regardless &expect me to help whatever!
That's things like sorting out our room or DDS room or bits of it that he's got fed up of or had got in his head need doing!

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:25

He's never walked the dog! We took her on as a 2 yr old rescue.he wanted to get a puppy.keeps saying she's not HIS dog!he will feed her but that's about it!
He will wash up on his day off but that's it!
Has put me off cooking a roast Inna Sun for few weeks at a time because he has to wash it up!
Yes I'm a dinner lady&a breakfast club supervisor

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 28/01/2020 11:25

,I can afford to pay for one just about.i would see it as a good expense.

When you say "I" can afford it, are you meaning we? or are expecting to pay for it out of your own earnings only? That's crazy if you are.

GabriellaMontez · 28/01/2020 11:26

So could you pay the cleaner from your joint account?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:27

I'm expecting to pay out from my own earnings yes.
We don't have a joint account

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 28/01/2020 11:29

I couldn't live with someone who thought that the housework devolved to me alone.

LimpidPools · 28/01/2020 11:30

He's a sexist prick.

It's perfectly reasonable not to want to do it all yourself. It's reasonable for you not to want to give up either of your jobs. It's understandable that you want a cleaner to stop you having to run yourself ragged.

It is not reasonable for him to treat you like staff, happy to watch you struggle and refusing to get off his arse. Walking the dog would probably do him some good. Lorry driving's not known as the healthiest of occupations. And doing "women's work" won't make his dick drop off.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/01/2020 11:31

I'm expecting to pay out from my own earnings yes.
We don't have a joint account

Why? It's his home as well. Sorry to be blunt but you are very foolish to allow this guy take advantage of you like that. He sounds like a selfish pig. He thinks because he works a couple of hours more in a day that means he should get away with doing anything at home? Or is it just because you're a woman and his penis means he gets a servant?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:31

Don't get me wrong I'm not a domestic goddess never have been! I don't expect everything to be done every day BUT I would like some help with things&fir us all to have walks together with the dog sometimes when we are home all together.he will quite happily sit inside&let me&DD do it

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 28/01/2020 11:33

Oh dear he is acting like a lodger..... I couldn't stay with someone like that

champagneandfromage50 · 28/01/2020 11:35

Please stop saying you want 'help'. Your a team and surely should work together to maintain the house and walk the dog. Why is it your sole responsibility and he 'helps' a bit. He isn't one of your DC

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:35

He's not a big bloke far from it! He's very skinny.
I'm pretty sure he will say no to paying for a cleaner&fir me to pay out my wages.i can almost see him being quite sarcastic about it if I'm honest!
Just to clarify the different times he starts can go anywhere from 1am to 6am if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Urkiddingright · 28/01/2020 11:36

I would ditch the man child personally, he sounds like a total dickhead.

GabriellaMontez · 28/01/2020 11:37

I dont get how this works between you.

He bears very little responsibility for domestic stuff. Nor will he pay for this to be done.

How do you pay the mortgage for example? Does he do all the gardening or something? From the info you have given it sounds like he does fuck all and plans to continue.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:40

We don't have a mortgage we rent a council house which he pays the rent on&is solely in my name as I lived here a long time before I met him.
Yes he does do the garden&by garden I mean mowing the grass.we have quite a big garden.hr doesn't do much else in it but then neither of us do as I'm not a gardener really either

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 28/01/2020 11:41

He doesn't see you as an equal.

He watches while you struggle.

You are not married and you do not share finances.

You are very vulnerable.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 28/01/2020 11:41

I'm off to work now so will answer later when I can ok.hes also just come home

OP posts:
mymadworld · 28/01/2020 11:42

God I couldn't live with somebody like this let alone love and respect them. If you honestly want to change the only way will be is if you stop facilitating this sexist behaviour and take a hardline approach. Tell him:- I'm now working so we share the household load and that includes anything to do with dog and children. If you work PT then presumably you will be doing more, but he needs to step up. If he refuses you stop doing anything to him - cooking, cleaning, washing and certainly hold fire on the bedroom activities on the basis that it's hard to find a sexist pig attractive.

BrimfulofSasha · 28/01/2020 11:42

If he wants to eat he needs to share the cooking, if he wants clean pants he needs to share the laundry, if he wants a family pet he needs to help care for it, if he doesn't want to live in a shit tip he needs to throw a hoover around.

Stop pandering to him, wash only your laundry, cook only your dinner, make your spaces nice, if he complains tell him to piss off. Entitled shit!

GabriellaMontez · 28/01/2020 11:43

Who pays bills?

You make him sound like a tight, lazy shit but perhaps he does and pays for other stuff.

Do you have a similar amount of spending money and free time?

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