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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Degree and new baby?

36 replies

Motherclucker01 · 28/01/2020 09:40

Has anyone managed a degree whilst being pregnant, having newborn and then young baby without taking time off a full-time degree? (open University)

I have a friend that is trying for a baby. This is lovely news and she’ll be an excellent mum. I have 100% told her I’ll be there to help in anyway I can and her DH is excellent although works full-time. The only issue I can see is she’s doing a long distance degree. She thinks she can get far enough ahead to not have to give up the degree at all (not even go part-time)
I can see why she wants to get the degree over with as soon as she can while baby would be young but I’m not sure if it’s manageable?

I said I would get the collective hive mind of MN! Grin

So do you think it’s possible? Or is she over estimating her time management skills?

(I will help out with childcare at friends home while friend studies reasonably often if needed but work strange hours, although this might work out better)

YABU - no chance!
YANBU - of course she can!

OP posts:
Redissuereader · 28/01/2020 09:42

It will be difficult and exhausting but nothing is impossible.

SimonTheFox · 28/01/2020 09:44

I would suggest a part time degree. Not full time though.

Enko · 28/01/2020 09:47

Will be tough but possible I would suggest part time for 2 years

InDubiousBattle · 28/01/2020 09:48

I would say not, at least not without some proper childcare. If her dh can work flexibly so she can get some early starts I , working later, when the baby naps etc maybe but it will be exhausting and I can't imagine she would give her best to it IYSWIM? I certainly couldn't have done it, the odd hour here or there maybe but not a ft degree.

sleepymummy2019 · 28/01/2020 09:52

Some babies might tolerate this but with mine, not a chance! There’s no way I could have done more than a couple of hours a week of work until my baby was about 9 months. I was exhausted, her dad was exhausted, it was really really hard. I never expected it would be so hard.

It’s understandable that she think it’ll be fine, but she’s wrong.

HoneyBee03 · 28/01/2020 09:57

Based on my own experience, no way. I remember having a little list of books I wanted to read on maternity leave and didn't even get a chance to read a page. I was too exhausted. I remember whenever I had the chance to do something for myself, I'd need the time to shower, put a wash on or have a nap.

Does she have the choice of seeing how she goes and opting for part time when she knows better how she might handle it?

greeneyedlulu · 28/01/2020 10:02

So she'll be relying on you for free child care to complete her degree.... when do you get a life of your own? How about when you have baby sat for umpteenth time and all she's done is sleep because, realistically, she's actually spawned a devil child who never sleeps and constantly cries! Seems like an odd set up to me and whilst I get you want to help your friend, you're getting too involved.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 28/01/2020 10:04

I started an OU degree part time for "fun" when dc1 was 8 months old. He's now about to turn 5 and has a little sister (19 months) and I'm managing okay (on course for at least a 2.1) but I don't think I could do it full time. I did 2 courses one year and managing the double deadlines whilst pregnant with dc2 and looking after dc1 was hard going.

That said, both of mine are dreadful sleepers, hate routine and have far too much energy so mileage may vary on the child.

Urkiddingright · 28/01/2020 10:05

I did my degree with three children under the age of three so at one point I was pregnant with two toddlers then had a baby and two toddlers. I worked PT as well and finished with a first. Totally doable albeit utterly exhausting.

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 28/01/2020 10:10

I signed up for my 1st module of my degree with OU at the start of my planned pregnancy.

Completed that module with a distinction, worked on my final assessment while having pre-eclampsia, was rushed to hospital a few days after submitting. After being admitted for 2 weeks I was started off early. DD was born in June.

We wanted another quite close so by the time my next module began in october I had just fallen pregnant again.

I was pregnant throughout that module and with a newborn. I finished up 5 weeks before DD2 was born by complicated EMCS (she was stuck and took over an hour to pull her out) and I ended up in high dependency with sepsis.

Recovery was a nightmare but I still signed up for my level 2 module. I'm half way through that with a newborn and a 1yo.

I'm the most scatter brained disorganised person I know, so if I can do it why not your friend Grin

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 28/01/2020 10:11

Also, I rarely get help with childcare to study so if she has your help I do think she can.

Apolloanddaphne · 28/01/2020 10:13

I did my OU degree starting when my youngest was a baby and DC1 was at school. I did it part time and the youngest went to nursery 2 days a week to allow me time to write essays. I am not sure I could have done it full time with a baby there all the time.

Areyoufree · 28/01/2020 10:13

Depends on the degree and the baby, to be honest. I had two children during my PhD. Although technically I got maternity leave, I pretty much worked through it, so that I could be more flexible with my time. It was a grind though - any time my husband wasn't working, I had to be. We didn't get to spend a lot of time together! Still, I think it worked out well, overall.

Mlou32 · 28/01/2020 10:21

It is possible if she organises herself well enough. My best friend was doing a nursing degree (so tough both academically and time wise ie placements) while pregnant, with a toddler. Also as a single mum. She attended uni until a day or two before her baby was born, took two weeks off, then had both in nursery until she finished the last 8 months of her degree. She then took 3 months off when she finished her degree before gaining a post in order for her to recuperate.

I must add though, my friend is superwoman! She really is the strongest person I've ever known.

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 28/01/2020 10:24

I thought that I might enrol in a different degree or even my masters while I was on my mat leave.
Oh, my, what’s left of my pelvic floor is tested when I reflect on that now 😂😂😂
I’m sure some people manage it but I had a non sleeper, non napper, non put downer-er. I couldn’t have kept up with an episode of neighbours let alone studied.
I guess the point is, it’s largely dependant on the baby and you just don’t know until he/she arrives 🤷‍♀️

DisasterMagnet · 28/01/2020 10:51

I intended on carrying in with my degree. It didn’t happen. Had DD in the January of my third year, ended up deferring my final Hand in (dissertation) to the following year.

PooWillyBumBum · 28/01/2020 10:54

I sat my A levels whilst pregnant, got 4 As, then took DD to uni with me. I studied chemistry so had 25+ hours contact time every week, plus individual study, and it was a top 5 uni so very competitive.

So yes, it can be done. I don’t know how I did it now - it all seems blurry.

PooWillyBumBum · 28/01/2020 10:55

I should add that DD was never a bad sleeper or poorly behaved toddler. I had a very easy time as a parent.

Twittlebee · 28/01/2020 10:58

Totally manageable! I managed to juggle a Masters and a full time job at same time as my pregnancy and a baby.

LLBandTTC · 28/01/2020 11:00

My cousin did a full time degree whilst having her baby. She was fine, got a first, never took time out even when baby was born. And it wasn’t even distance learning.

timeforawine · 28/01/2020 11:02

My friend did Actuarial study and exams while pregnant and with a newborn and she passed first time (they are very hard exams)

lanthanum · 28/01/2020 11:18

Can be done, but probably only with a relatively easy baby and plenty of support.

She doesn't have to commit to full-time/part-time now, and she can vary it as she goes through her degree. So she can start off full-time, and if that's what she wants to do then go for it - it's not like the baby is even on the way yet. If she's unlucky in TTC, she might complete the degree before it arrives...

When she gets pregnant, depending on timing, she might be able to get ahead enough that she can complete her current modules, if the baby is due towards the end (note that a home exam is an option if breast-feeding a newborn). Or she might decide to defer one or more and just concentrate on the others, picking the deferred ones up the next year. If she's just deferred one, she may be able to start on the next stage as well, so it doesn't have to put her a whole year behind.

The key thing is to be willing to be flexible - very many OU students start out studying full-time, but decide in the end that taking four or five years will be less stressful and get them a better degree in the end. There's no shame in deferring a module. As a friend, encourage her to consider that rather than offering oodles of childcare that may facilitate her over-committing herself.

When it comes to signing up for more modules after the birth, depending on when it comes she may have an idea of how time is panning out with a little one. However she should remember that routines and napping patterns change a lot in the first couple of years, and again, deferring is an option if things change.

I did 60 credits with an exam shortly after DD arrived, then 90 credits over the next couple of years, then 60 credits a year after that. I was working (very) part-time as well, so never aiming for full-time study.

Notajogger · 28/01/2020 11:30

It depends on the baby. Mine doesn't nap except sometimes on me so there would be no time to study.

Depends how old she wants to baby to be when it goes into childcare too - she might not like to be away from the baby.

Plus there's the whole baby brain thing which is more severe for some - that plus lack of sleep has made me slower, I think!

It would be best for her to judge and decide when the baby is a few months old I think. Big mistake to sign up ahead of time in the hope that the baby is quiet/sleeps etc. So many unknowns. What if something goes wrong and baby ends up in hospital for months? Not nice to think about but can happen of course.

Blondebear123 · 28/01/2020 11:33

Yes. Do it. Life doesnt need to be put on hold because of a baby. If she wanted to do a degree and is focused go for it! ( I have a 1 month old and a toddler and I feel I could do it!)

IvinghoeBeacon · 28/01/2020 11:34

I managed full time OU plus full time work before having a baby but wouldn’t have managed that after a baby. I currently do part time work, part time study, at home with my toddler two days a week. I am having another baby in the spring and planning to do exams on June, but will defer if it’s too much. I am lucky though that when I have an assignment due my mum comes and looks after my toddler for a couple of days so that I can work