To ask what on earth you do to stay awake during night feeds that doesn't wake DP

[Justasconfusedwithnumber2]

Suggestions welcome, I have a 2 week old that doesn't really like feeding laying down aargh. So what can I do to stay awake? TV is a no no as it will wake DP. How do you use your time?

I used to sit in a chair and snuggle. Low light, no phone, no tv. I found they would feed back to sleep very easily that way, and I was only half awake, so could get back to sleep myself easily too.

"I have to take him into the nursery to change his bum"

You're breastfeeding a very young baby and recovering from childbirth. Your dh should be changing the nappies imo.

I never woke the husband up when the babies woke.
He had to be up for work, I didn't.

So when does he get to sleep?

In between feeds like the OP. This is very early days and she is still recovering from the birth - he’s not! Or they can take the resettling in turns.

Eye mask n ear plugs or he can meet the spare room/nursery floor for 6 months. I played games on my phone or watched something on the tv.. usually lord of the rings.. it make ds sleepy so it was the best film on Netflix for a good while. And I changed the nappy on my side of the bed.. was I fuck walking to another room with a tiny baby in the dark to a cold changing table when I could quickly clean him under the lamp in the warmest room.
I sat on our gaming/computer chair so it’s semi comfy, not like a hard computer chair but it’s not got the best arms. I still do all the night feeds on that chair (it’s now in ds’s room)

Dp learned quickly that he either just shut his eyes tighter or I’d find several jobs for him.. pass the muslin, give us a nappy bag, can you reach the dummy, squeeze Ewan’s back right foot.. etc things really I’d manage on my own but you’re up you help

If DP doesn't want to be disturbed can't he camp in the spare room, or wear an eye mask and or ear plugs. You should be able to have your light on to see the baby etc. A kindle could also be a good call to keep yourself entertained.

@Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze you said he should settle the baby so OP can sleep. So he doesn't get to sleep when she does.

I agree taking turns is the solution - there's no point him being awake when there's nothing for him to do if he has work in the morning.

Candy crush, if I read stuff it makes me sleepy so if I play candy crush then it keeps me awake til dd has finished feeding. I sit in bed too, my partner rarely hears me dealing with dd during the night.

Oh ds2 struggled to latch too in the side-lying position. We've cracked it now though. Have you tried putting him on the arm that usually curls round him? That seems to help mine get a better angle. Then when the feed is done just carefully slide your arm out. Also use your other hand to sort of squash boob into a more manageable size/shape. You may have tried that anyway but just thought I'd mention! I am in a lovely king size bed in the spare room with a telly so i don't have to worry about dh. in the early days i popped the tv on but now ds2 is better with his nights i scroll through my phone or just snooze while he feeds.

I played on my phone, but then my babies slept in their own rooms and that's where I fed them so I wasn't in the same room as my DH. I hope you can find a decent compromise!

My phone was the only thing that stopped me falling asleep.

We did keep the heating on low overnight for a while because we were out of bed so much though

Can your DH not get one of those eye masks? So you can at least play on your phone. I get that having telly on or having Netflix on your phone would be annoying but something without sound shouldn't cause an issue. Or headphones.
Yes he needs sleep but I found it really hard to stay awake at night for feeds if I didn't have something to read/watch. Plus is bloody boring for you otherwise.

Send him to another room/couch. If I am up feeding I am not pandering to him.

When I was feeding (til round 7 mths) dh slept spare room. At w/e I expressed for the odd night & we swapped & he would als take baby in morn for an hour or more as they got older so I'd get a break/sleep! That worked for us.

We camped on the sofa (huge L shape) for the first few weeks, as I just found it easier having the kitchen right there, and being able to just put the telly on. It just made me feel less tired, and also didn’t disturb dd upstairs. Dp slept downstairs too but I never woke him up for night feeds, if he woke up he’d help but I found it quicker to just do it myself. He only got one week of paternity then back to work, with heavy machinery, so needed to sleep but he liked being downstairs with us. He’s a really heavy sleeper though. I’d suggest if your dp wakes up easily, just sleeping separately for a bit so you can be comfortable.

I used to buy things online .

@Hercwasonaroll

Not sure if that was aimed at me but my husband is not a "twat". I (an adult) considered with him how best to divide the labour in our house, and how much sleep we each needed to do it. If a man is not up doing the nappy change at each night feed that does not automatically mean he is a lay about twat. Just like when I go back to work and he is off with baby I won't generally expect to be woken in the night.

Tv box sets
Audiobooks (though nothing boring)
I make a list of online stuff i need to do: food delivery, order things, forms fill out, sort photos
Snack and drink
Paint my toes and fingers

Anything to keep me awake as I've fallen asleep with dc on my breast before.

Move your dh. Tough tits on his staring. He fits in with you both when cluster feeding

I do all night feeds and changes on work nights. Dh sleeps on a camp bed next door with other dc or the sofa. He's in charge of them overnight and the dream feed at 10 with my expressed.

Yep, spare room! In those early days I watched Netflix, read etc. during night feeds, and she was changed in our room. DH slept in the spare room and took her at 6am so I could sleep (and still does now). He wouldn't have dreamed of glaring at me

DH slept in spare room, I watched TV

Amazingly enough, when you have a newborn, your DH really shouldn't be a priority.

My DH pretended to never wake up never woke up. The bastard . He still doesn't wake up when the DCs are sick, the dog barks in the middle of the night, or heavy rain starts when all the upstairs windows have been left open. Every morning he says he slept really badly. Yeah, right.

I always went downstairs and sat on the sofa. Read on the iPad and watched tv on it.