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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think the house should be in my name too

248 replies

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 27/01/2020 17:12

DP and I are buying a house. We're each contributing deposits of about 35% of the value, with the final 30% being DP's mortgage which he's moving over from his current house.

The solicitor's just said the legal title has to match the mortgage offer. So since the mortgage is in his name, the house has to be, too.

I feel really insulted! I'm paying for a third of this house, but I can't have my name on the deeds?

I fully admit to knowing almost nothing about house-buying, but I wasn't expecting this. It seems so unfair!

OP posts:
DogInATent · 28/01/2020 09:51

No, not yet. We'll get one when we get the house, for bills etc and keep our sole accounts too.

Sort the finances and agree who will be responsible for what before you buy a house. You're doing everything backwards. A joint account for household expenses is great, but agree now how much you will each be contributing every month and what expenses it covers.

There's a dozen threads every month that boil down to not agreeing finances beforehand, and/or the breakdown in agreements over money because they were vague. It's in both your interests.

If you want a recent example, check out the Boob Job thread (which is interesting as it's a reverse of the usual situation).

SHAR0N · 28/01/2020 09:59

OP, how do you manage the bills for where you are living just now, if you don’t have a joint account ? I’m assuming that you live together now.

Or are you moving in together for the first time in this house that you are buying together? That’s quite a brave move, given that you have 4 kids from your previous marriage. What if the kids and he don’t get on ? How old are they ?

SHAR0N · 28/01/2020 10:37

I’m still concerned that you are going to own one third of the house but will be paying towards the mortgage for his two thirds. How is that fair ?

I understand that you will be paying more than one third towards utility bills, because there are 5 of you. But you should only pay half of council tax.

But paying his mortgage on his part of the house is crazy . And you should only pay one third of the costs or repairs or improvements to the property .

ChuckleBuckles · 28/01/2020 10:45

For our age, we're neither of us very experienced at buying houses

It was the gift thing that really got DP alarmed when the solicitor mentioned it. Neither of us saw that coming. I know that makes us look rather naive

OP you cannot afford to be inexperienced or naive here, you have four DC that are relying on you to house, feed and provide for them, it is time to take your head out of the clouds and stop being swept along in the excitement of buying together and get some hard, cold facts about what's what in the event of a worse case scenario. Your woolly thinking could end up with your DC being homeless if things go pear shaped with this bloke.

And are you really sure that BOTH of you were surprised about what the solicitor had to say about your 35% being claimed as a gift?

alifelived · 28/01/2020 11:32

Watching with interest because i think I might find myself in this position

SaphfireRose · 28/01/2020 11:32

OP, are you the poster that posted here a month ago about building an extension onto his home for you all to move in?

Ellisandra · 28/01/2020 11:46

You do not have to be experienced in buying a house to find out - through the most basic of internet research, or discussion with a mortgage broker - that a deposit would need to be declared as a gift. There is no excuse not to know this, it’s not naïvety, it’s reckless stupidity. If you do not know the basics of buying a house and getting a mortgage, do not GIVE AWAY £35K to true man. Really, just don’t.

He could be the nicest, most well meaning man in the world.

Say you split up, really amicably. He wants to give you back your £35K. Really he does. He’s a good man. But the only way he can get it for you, is to remortgage or sell up. Say the market isn’t moving. Say he can’t get approved for a higher mortgage. That’s not pie in the sky - those are both real, common issues. How’s he going to get your £35K back to you? What if there’s an offer on the house - it’s £10K less than he wants, but you want to accept - because you just need your £35K back. Who gets to decide what offer to accept? Not you. You have no rights at all. Because you told the mortgage lender that it was his £35K.

Motoko · 28/01/2020 11:52

You should go to the Moneysavingexpert.com site and read up about the process of house buying. The forum members there are very helpful if you have any questions to ask. It would also be a good idea to read a book on the subject. Buying a house is the most expensive purchase you will make, yet so many go into it with such little information.

billy1966 · 28/01/2020 12:49

OP, when you are responsible for 4 children and their housing YOU cannot afford to be this naive.

It's funny how both parties can be "naive" but one party always gets totally shafted and one doesn't.

It sounds like so much has not been discussed.

Please don't tell us that this is the first time ye all will be living together.... please OP.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/01/2020 13:38

You can sort this.

And you can still be conflict averse.

'My bottom line is that I am unable to legally give away my entire assets, my savings, my children's security, with nothing in return. So if I can't be on the deeds to the house and an equal owner, I won't be able to contribute to the purchase as I will need my savings for my own security.'

The end!

Tabbykitty · 28/01/2020 13:40

With four DCs who aren't your partners children and who he presumably doesn't have legal parental responsibility for (you say their father's part of their lives and also provides for them) I wouldn't go ahead with the marriage or house purchase without seeking detailed independent legal advice and drawing up/updating your will at the same time.

Yes refuse to go ahead without your name on the deeds. Legally protect your share however that's best done. You also have to think about what if something happens to you, would your children then go and live with their father or are they old enough to strike out on their own soon, how can you ensure your financial share in the house would go to them rather than your soon to be DH.

I'd keep separate bank accounts and savings, everything in mine or my children's names. Transfer money for bills as necessary.

Not helpful perhaps but in this scenario I actually wouldn't get married til my children were adults and flown the nest! I'd want them rather than my DP to be my next of kin if he wasn't going to be caring for them in the event of something happening to me. I also wouldn't want the risk of any assets/savings of mine being used to pay off any debts of his instead of providing for my DCs.

Housewife2010 · 28/01/2020 14:08

My friend is living with a former partner and their children. She and her former partner loathe each other but she can't move out because only his name is on the deeds for his two houses ( bought during their relationship) and they are not married. He is not willing to give her one of the houses or any money so she is forced to stay in a house with a man she hates. OP do not put any money into a house without your name on the deeds.

Original poster
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 28/01/2020 15:08

Sort the finances and agree who will be responsible for what before you buy a house.

We have done this - we've arranged it so that we both get similar amounts of disposable income after the house and children expenses each month.

OP posts:
mumofthregirls · 28/01/2020 15:12

You can go on the mortgage (you might have to as you're over 18). I'm on it with DH and I was/am SAHM. And yes go on deeds - you're putting the same down up front.

Original poster
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 28/01/2020 15:22

This is the first time that we'll be living together, yes. That's just the culture I come from, so I'm willing to take that risk. My DCs like him.

I've just checked my credit rating and it is excellent, so that's reassuring. Hopefully we can get a mortgage in both our names - we're going to look into it later today. The previous experience where the broker and my XH pressured me into not having the house in my name is still playing on my mind: I feel like we're unlikely to get a mortgage together. However, we'll give it a go. I do at least have a lot more self-confidence than I did then.

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 28/01/2020 15:26

What you've been told certainly ties in with my experience at lloyds a few years back. In which case there's an added twist to the gift issue...

I am the only one named on our house deeds and mortgage. DH is self employed so his income wasn't able to be taken in to account. Including him reduced my borrowing by over 30%. We also had a gifted deposit, from MIL. Their rules on who could gift deposits had a very strictly defined set of familial relationships which would be accepted - parents, grandparents, possibly siblings. I'm pretty sure partner wasn't one, and mother in law wasn't either. We only got it through because we were actually buying the house we lived in from her and we'd had the foresight to get a tenancy when we first moved in; a reduced sale price when buying from your existing landlord was the other accepted criteria.

In our case we went for it because we were already married and under Scottish law we were basically told it made little odds. But in your circumstances I'd be finding a mortgage provider who will lend jointly

alifelived · 28/01/2020 15:32

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas

What culture do you come from?

redastherose · 28/01/2020 15:38

Porting the mortgage wording is confusing things. People often claim to be porting mortgages sometimes even think that means they don't have a mortgage on the new house (not sure how people can think that) but all it means is that the bank will keep the same mortgage rate usually or possibly that their won't be an early repayment charge. You really need to be added into the mortgage application that your DP will already have filled out and be added on the mortgage. You can also opt for your ownership of the property to be held at tenants in common so that your share of the property can be left to your DC's

Grape0 · 28/01/2020 15:41

You will have effectively a 70% deposit, with that kind of down payment I do not see why any mortgage company would refuse you a JOINT mortgage, even if one party was a lower earner?

Original poster
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 28/01/2020 15:55

Let's hope you're right and it's very straightforward!

OP posts:
SaphfireRose · 28/01/2020 16:11

@CharlotteCollinsneeLucas are you the poster that posted here a month ago about building an extension onto his home for you all to move in?

Original poster
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 28/01/2020 16:15

No

OP posts:
cherish123 · 28/01/2020 17:41

I assume you are not married. Could you get a mortgage for half of the third and pay half the mortgage each? That way you are each paying half. I would not put a deposit down without having my name on the deeds.

PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 28/01/2020 18:07

What fizzy said.

You have four dc relying on you.

mylifestory · 28/01/2020 18:08

Don't add your name later as there will be tax to pay! Your name goes on the deeds from the beginning, not negotiable. Saying you can't go on them is bollocks! Find your evidencemonline and present it. Do not proceed as something is wrong here.