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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think this is offensive?

108 replies

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 15:16

I just called DWP about my PIP application. The man on the phone, who didn’t sound particularly friendly tbh asked me if I have a terminal illness that is expected to end my life in the next six months. I said, ‘no, not that I’m aware of. I certainly hope not.’ Then he launched into me and accused me of joking about terminal illness and threatened to end the call.

I’ve had a really shit day and am a bit depressed atm and it really upset me. He may have someone close to him who is terminally ill and that was why he went off at me, but my dad has severe dementia so it’s not exactly an amusing subject for me either.

Would it have come across as if I was joking about terminal illness? I certainly wasn’t laughing when I said it and it wasn’t intended to be particularly funny. I thought he was being a bit U but happy to be told I’m wrong.

AIBU to think I wasn’t joking about terminal illness and he was out of order to have a go at me?

OP posts:
TheCakeCrusader · 27/01/2020 17:53

He was being a dickhead OP. I hope that you will be able to make some form of complaint as his behaviour was aggressive and disproportional to your actual response. He should have just remained neutral and taken your details down. If this how he generally behaves with other callers too, then his managers need to know this as it’s unprofessional and downright unpleasant!

Jux · 27/01/2020 17:53

I would make a complaint, tbh. The DWP is a hive of fuckwits and they really should be more professional when dealing with their clients. The whole PIP process is upsetting in the extreme anyway, and those farts should be sensitive to that. He should work elsewhere, preferably not customer facing.

VanGoghsDog · 27/01/2020 18:06

What is life like if we can't make a bit of a joke now and then?

I was at the minor injury unit last night and because it was taking ages they asked if I needed painkillers. I said "I'm OK, I've got some Tictacs", the nurse smiled and left me to wait another hour and a half.

Straycatstrut · 27/01/2020 18:09

Bored of his job bored of his life, fancied a little hissy fit. Sad little man.

I'd definitely respond "No, well, I hope not!"

OllyBJolly · 27/01/2020 18:10

While I appreciate you meant no offence you have no idea what he is experiencing in his personal life

He's at work. He should be acting professionally.

KatyCarrCan · 27/01/2020 18:15

That's the point WhatTheFuckery . No-one hopes they have a terminal illness so you don't need to say it. There's a degree of smugness in stating it as you wouldn't say it if you had any fear at all that it was true. That's what makes it crass imo.
But I was at a friend's funeral this week. She did have a terminal illness. I wouldn't have appreciated your comment.

iklboo · 27/01/2020 19:00

But I was at a friend's funeral this week. She did have a terminal illness. I wouldn't have appreciated your comment.

I'm sorry for your loss but you wouldn't have ranted down the phone at work to a client would you? The OP's comment want smug or crass IMO.

PhilSwagielka · 27/01/2020 19:15

As someone whose dad died of cancer - no, YANBU.

VaggieMight · 27/01/2020 19:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

IslandTulip · 27/01/2020 19:37

Dh died in 2018. I think what you said was fine, even if you had laughed a bit because you were taken aback by the question.

CrimsonCattery · 27/01/2020 20:05

I once got asked in an interview if I had any disabilities or illnesses that needed adjustment.

I answered: "No, I'm good."

Headteacher lemonsucking sourpuss looked doen her nose and replied: "Disabled people are good too." Hmm

I was Confused

CrimsonCattery · 27/01/2020 20:06

I got the job by the way. She was the type I half suspected slept upside down in her office like a bat.

2020bluegirl · 27/01/2020 20:28

@Whatisthisfuckery I am so sorry you have been made to feel like shit by this man. It's hard and stressful enough trying to get accepted for PIP, even when you're moving from DLA, and the whole process from start to finish can take 4-6 months. And the assessments are VERY stressful. Awful. Even when the PIP people on the phone (and the assessors) are OK/nice.

I have recently seen a friend of mine who has a painful chronic illness, end up with severe thrush, eczema, migraines, high anxiety, sleepless nights, bad dreams, the works. (Worrying herself crazy about her PIP claim and the assessment...) And her PIP person on the phone was nice to her, and so was the assessor! (She got it btw if that makes you feel any better, so hopefully you do too.) Although it did take 5 months from the day the letter hit the floor of her hallway, to the day she got the letter saying she had been awarded it. 5 MONTHS of worrying and stress.

But for the PIP person on the phone to be an arse! That's just amplifying your stress!!! This guy was bang out of order. Totally unnecessary.

I remember my cousin (5 or 6 years ago,) ringing tax credits to say her DH had lost his job... They had working tax credits, and she was under the impression that they would get more tax credits somehow... (as their income was going to be much less.. ) However, the woman on the phone said the working tax credits would stop as he was now out-of-work. And they would NOT get more money from tax credits. Upshot is, they lost £200 a month income.

My cousin said 'oh no! I wouldn't have let you know he had lost his job if I'd known we'd lose money!' with a half-laugh. The woman said 'Mrs Taylor, I am warning you that you are being recorded and you are admitting you are prepared to commit FRAUD. It's my duty to tell you that I shall be making a report of this conversation, and passing it to my seniors...'

My cousin was horrified, and said' I didn't say I would do it.' The woman said 'I am ending this phone call NOW' and hung up on her!

My cousin burst out crying and flew in to the lounge, explaining what had happened, to her DH. Long story short, her DH rang back to explain they were not about to defraud the system, and that he felt the woman had been rather harsh.

The man who replied said 'yeah there is a record of that conversation here. I am sorry, the lady you spoke to WAS a bit over-zealous. Don't worry, nothing will happen. I will put a note to say 'no further action...'

All was OK, but the woman was horrible and really upset my cousin. I know she shouldn't have said it, and it was just a stupid knee-jerk reaction to losing £200 a month (on top of her DH losing his job,) but the woman was awful to her.

So yeah, there are a few nasty feckers on the DWP/PIP/ESA/tax credit/benefit lines, BUT the vast majority of them are actually lovely. The nice people outweigh the twunts.

Good luck. Flowers I hope it's all OK! I hope you get your PIP! Take care. xxx

2020bluegirl · 27/01/2020 20:28

@CrimsonCattery

I once got asked in an interview if I had any disabilities or illnesses that needed adjustment.

I answered: "No, I'm good."

Headteacher (lemonsucking sourpuss) looked down her nose and replied: "Disabled people are good too." Hmm

I was like ... Confused

(I got the job though.)

FFS, some people LOOK for something to be offended by. Glad you got the job through!

GeraldineFangedVagine · 27/01/2020 20:36

Op people say absolutely terrible, inappropriate things to me and my colleagues all the time. I would never ever pull them up on it. I wouldn’t even think twice about your reply it’s a total none event. People like him should not be working in a role where they have to handle calls from the public. If he takes offence at what you said I dread to think how he will feel when he meets someone who’s actually inappropriate

EwanHuzarmi · 27/01/2020 20:39

The woman said 'Mrs Taylor, I am warning you that you are being recorded and you are admitting you are prepared to commit FRAUD.

Saying you are prepared to commit fraud, or commit murder, or genocide, in circumstances that might have arisen in the past or may arise in the future, is not a criminal offence.

nicslackey · 27/01/2020 20:56

I work in PIP and It is exhausting sometimes, striking a level of sympathy and being positive but professional without minimising the conditions of vulnerable customers. Customers frequently laugh at this question, I choose to interpret it as relief. I would never be abrupt with any customer and go out of my way to help everyone I speak to. Even the aggressive and rude, who knows what they are dealing with. I appreciate everyone tells all the bad stories. Who is going to bother writing to say that they were dealt with in a pleasant and helpful manner? As for the disparaging pp who made the snide comment about the type of people who work in a call centre, there are more people in my office with degrees than not. We are public servants, not public punch bags. We may be doing this job because we genuinely want to help but don't assume we agree with the policies. Those are down to the Conservative government that was so overwhelmingly voted in.

Original poster
Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 21:21

I might call in the morning and complain if I feel up to it.It doesn’t matter what might be going on behind the scenes with this particular man, I didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. As PPs have said, I’m sure they get verbally abused on a daily basis, which is not on, but I didn’t abuse anyone, and I left the call feeling about 2 inches tall after a perfectly normal, polite interaction. If anyone was rude it was him.

OP posts:
nicslackey · 27/01/2020 21:29

Whatis. Yes do complain. They will listen to the call and speak to him about his manner. Sorry you had this experience

Runnerduck34 · 27/01/2020 23:14

You said nothing wrong, he was an idiot

PicsInRed · 27/01/2020 23:18

He's just a man who wanted to have a go at a woman. These characters aren't that mysterious.

Jux · 27/01/2020 23:55

nicslackey I apologise for insulting you all. I have had horrible experiences with DWP, but you're right of course, most people are people and want to help, and you're not responsible for the policies. I think I was caught off-guard, on a sensitive issue, and I typed without thinking. I hope that my apology goes some way towards reparation for my thoughtless knee-jerk post. Flowers

antwacky · 28/01/2020 00:18

YANBU, he's just a gobshite.

StoneofDestiny · 28/01/2020 00:52

I might call in the morning and complain

I'll be interested in the response you get. I had to be interviewed for a gravely ill relative (acting on their behalf). I was treated appallingly without justification. I made a complaint the next day as I remember at the beginning of the interview they said the call was being recorded.

I got the response to my complaint - "there is no recording of the call" and they couldn't identify who I spoke to. Ridiculous - clearly they could find out who filled in the answers! They covered their own backs obviously.

Nothing wrong with what you said - his response had something wrong with it.

nicslackey · 28/01/2020 06:05

Jux. Don't worry! I may have been a tad over sensitive after a very busy Monday! BTW, I do not work for DWP but for DFC where we have extremely high customer satisfaction levels regarding telephone calls in PIP. Have a great day to all!

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