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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think this is offensive?

108 replies

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 15:16

I just called DWP about my PIP application. The man on the phone, who didn’t sound particularly friendly tbh asked me if I have a terminal illness that is expected to end my life in the next six months. I said, ‘no, not that I’m aware of. I certainly hope not.’ Then he launched into me and accused me of joking about terminal illness and threatened to end the call.

I’ve had a really shit day and am a bit depressed atm and it really upset me. He may have someone close to him who is terminally ill and that was why he went off at me, but my dad has severe dementia so it’s not exactly an amusing subject for me either.

Would it have come across as if I was joking about terminal illness? I certainly wasn’t laughing when I said it and it wasn’t intended to be particularly funny. I thought he was being a bit U but happy to be told I’m wrong.

AIBU to think I wasn’t joking about terminal illness and he was out of order to have a go at me?

OP posts:
SunOnAll · 27/01/2020 15:47

What a weird response on his behalf - he was rude and unprofessional.

You said nothing wrong at all, please don't take it to heart. Brush it off as best you can.

Illberidingshotgun · 27/01/2020 15:47

I would have answered in a similar way to you, OP, mainly because i have had a few people close to me in recent years who have become unwell and died very quickly. None of us know what is around the corner - me, you, him, no-one, so the best that any of us can say would be along the lines of "not that I know of". Additionally, you were presumably ringing up because of chronic health issues, so I would suggest that it's unlikely that you are someone who is flippant about health.

CakeandCustard28 · 27/01/2020 15:48

No matter what he’s going through (you don’t take personal life to work after all), he was unprofessional and totally out of order with the tone etc. Considering he’s working with disabled people he ought to be more aware of the effects he can have on someone.

Thinkingabout1t · 27/01/2020 15:49

Your answer was perfectly correct and acceptable, OP. I mean literally correct, because no one knows for certain that they haven't got a disease that might be diagnosed next week. In fact as I'm a bit pedantic I'd probably say the same as you.

But his question was rather abrupt, and his response was aggressive -- definitely inappropriate. I'd be inclined to report him. He could really upset someone in a sensitive situation.

Boom45 · 27/01/2020 15:50

My DB worked for a while at the DWP call centre and it sounds like a hideous place to work where you are expected to treat everyone who calls as "potential fraud". The aim is always to reduce the benefits paid out (not to the individual, they're not that overt about it, but benefits paid overall and that amount to to the same thing). The bloke most probably was an officious little prick working in a shitty job - you did nothing wrong.

EwanHuzarmi · 27/01/2020 15:50

Just because someone is offended doesn't make them right. We all seem to know this when people get ridiculously offended by something we've said, but we forget it when we get offended by something someone has said to us.

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2020 15:51

Threatening to end the phone call was a very extreme reaction Confused

Are you sure you haven't missed anything out here?

It doesn't really make sense otherwise.

picklemeCleg · 27/01/2020 15:51

Forgetting his personal life. He opens the call that way because a number of callers get transferred onto a different pathway because they are terminal. He may have just dealt with a particularly troubling such call.

We are supposed to behave professionally, but as we are people sometimes we fail. He may well be kicking himself now.

Arthritica · 27/01/2020 15:52

He was a twerp

EwanHuzarmi · 27/01/2020 15:53

He may well be kicking himself now.

I find this comment very offensive. Have you got any idea about what it's like to self harm!!!

followingonfromthat · 27/01/2020 15:54

This is really not on, and you need to complain about the way he upset you. I'd call back and ask to speak to a manager. They need to listen to that call and he needs a bollocking retraining.

Equanimitas · 27/01/2020 15:55

While I appreciate you meant no offence you have no idea what he is experiencing in his personal life

Irrelevant. It's no excuse for being rude to people he is paid to help.

SlothHouse · 27/01/2020 15:55

DWP caller agents are some of the biggest pricks around.

Mlou32 · 27/01/2020 15:56

Tbh he is probably completely sick of seeing utter chancers applying and getting approved for PIP while there are people out there with terminal illnesses that have to jump through hoops to get assistance.

feellikeanalien · 27/01/2020 15:56

He works for the DWP. Enough said.

corcaithecat · 27/01/2020 15:58

I thought in order to work for the DWP you had to be lacking any compassion or empathy?
He sounds like their standard type of operative to me. Confused

LonginesPrime · 27/01/2020 16:02

do you really think it’s an odd reply? Would most people say a straight “No”?

I can see both sides of this, and I think the context is important.

When talking to DWP or similar, I give a straight 'no' when asked this question, because I know that many of the people they are dealing with have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and have to deal with the bureaucratic nightmare of having to show how long they're expected to live on top of all the other awful aspects of their diagnosis.

I might give the 'i certainly hope not' answer in a different context where it's further removed from real people actually dealing with terminal illnesses.

But workers are affected by dealing with those issues too and I think that even if you don't know the other claimants, it's a bit insensitive to the workers (who may have spoken to a terminally ill person seconds before your call was connected) to make light of the question.

Saying 'I certainly hope not' does make light of the question, even if it wasn't intended as a joke. It suggests that it would be terrible situation to be in, which is insensitive given that lots of other callers are in that position. It also suggests that the question was a silly one, as if the answer should be obvious. Clearly it's not, as lots of people who are terminally ill will be claiming the benefits they're entitled to.

MashedSpud · 27/01/2020 16:08

He’s a twat.

Wickedwitchofthewest789 · 27/01/2020 16:10

He's in the wrong job!

EyUpDuck12 · 27/01/2020 16:10

Pp's making insulting comments about DWP staff- you do know they are just ordinary folk earning a living right? On very average salaries, who don't actually decide whether a claim is successful or not - just add up the points based on the evidence provided....
Who have to put up with abuse, people threatening to commit suicide/ go and kill someone if their claim isn't successful or come and find the member of staff they are talking to and harm them or their families....
Some of the above poster's comments are disgusting. You are directing your anger at the wrong people.

SquishySquirmy · 27/01/2020 16:10

Nothing wrong with what you said.

Although it's a necessary question he asked, it is also quite an "awkward" topic, as is much of the phone call in general I imagine (discussing very personal topics with strangers is outside our normal social comfort zone).
Many people deal with that kind of awkwardness with "gallows humour". It's a very normal thing to do, and he should have more empathy.

When donating blood as a student, one of the many very personal questions the nurse had to ask was along the lines of "have any of recent your sexual partners engaged in anal sex recently?"
"Not that I know of, ha ha!" I replied.
To which the nurse put on a proper cats bum face and gave me a right lecture about how "I should know my sexual partners better" etc.
Basically made me feel a right slag for attempting to lighten the awkwardness with a light-hearted comment (also, I was scared of needles, so was trying to stave off the panic with a bit of humour). I had to splutter that I was just joking etc, which was met with even more disaproval.
The cringy conversation with humourless, cold nurse was way worse than the dreaded blood donation!

Original poster
Whatisthisfuckery · 27/01/2020 16:11

No, I’m not missing anything out, that was what happened. He was abrupt when he answered the call and he was even more abrupt after. He seemed to get more arsey when I told him I wanted to migrate from DLA to PIP as I’ve been advised by the RNIB that I should be entitled the the enhanced rate, which is more than I get now, and as I’m struggling a few extra quid each month would really help. Just because I haven’t been told I need to migrate, doesn’t mean I can’t, and if I’m entitled to the enhanced rate then why shouldn’t I get it? Again, He was quite rude and patronising with his questioning about this so maybe that’s what set him off. Either way, I’m well within my rights and there was no need to speak to me like that.

I’m not entirely sure why one would, or indeed how one would make light of that question. Yes it’s a standard question and that, I would have thought, is a standard answer.

I don’t feel up to calling back and complaining tbh.

OP posts:
AngelinaGrimke · 27/01/2020 16:12

He was unprofessional.

swishthecat · 27/01/2020 16:12

OP, he was being horrible. I have found some of the staff on the PIP lines to be a bit abrasive. Just forget about it. If you are applying for PIP you will need all your energy for the ridiculous claim form!

Tbh he is probably completely sick of seeing utter chancers applying and getting approved for PIP while there are people out there with terminal illnesses that have to jump through hoops to get assistance.

It is very very hard to qualify for PIP now and if you are a chancer you are unlikely to get it unless you are very devious. But even if this is the reason, he had no business being nasty to someone who is in need of help.

karencantobe · 27/01/2020 16:12

I would just say no, and have when asked this question.