Lack of effort from husband

[MBalloch]

Today is my birthday and I have expressed over the last couple of weeks that I was not looking forward to it as it's my last year of my 20s (that may sound daft!!).

I went down to manchester on friday for my aunts suprise bday party and came home tonight. My husband didnt come as me and my sister just went down with my dad. I said all week that I would really like it if my husband could make pizza dough so when I got home we could have home made pizza (we used to do that all the time and my husband keeps saying that he wants to start cooking again as I I alot of the cooking which I really enjoy) my bday and I also said that i really wanted new pjs. Feel a bit sad because when I woke up, I could hear my dad and sister chatting about my bday and they presented me with a few gifts then my sister bought me brunch before coming home. I got home a while ago and feel really annoyed. My husband has been complaining about a sore wisdom tooth all week and he has been in alot of pain, however, when I got home he hadn't made pizza dough and just handed me his phone to order what i wanted from justeat then added that he didnt have the chance to get to the shops to buy me pjs as his tooth was too sore. He then handed me a card and chocolates that he obviously got from the local tesco. Why couldn't he just get me pjs? He also said at Christmas that he wanted to buy me a smart watch but I disagreed saying that I didnt really want one and would need to look into it more and it could be a possible bday present. My husband also just said that he will take me to the shops to buy me one 😪 I just feel annoyed as he done this a few years ago with my tablet, he said he wanted to buy me one. I didnt have a strong desire to get one but thought it would be hand and on my bday he took me to currys and told me to pick one. I am not a selfish or ungrateful person but it's the lack of effort which upsets me. I've been away all weekend and just feel like no fuss has been made. I dont want to be spoilt or to receive hundreds of gifts or expensive presents, I just really appreciate the effort. I feel bad as he keeps reminding me that his tooth is sore but I just thought he would of made it a bit more special considering how upset I was about turning 29.

Am I being horrible? Currently watching love island in a right mood :(

Terrified of turning 29? Ngl sounds like drama queen behaviour to me.

Terrified of turning 30? Oh, do grow up!!!

Dont really know what to say... cant say I'm thrilled to turning 30 next year? It might not be a big deal to you but doesnt make me a drama queen 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pretty sure a drama queen would have started a huge row tonight or even asked for more glamous things rather than pizza and pjs too!

I did make it known that I wasnt too happy but i did enjoy my takeaway whilst watching love island.

Just expected some effort - that's all.

I don’t understand that you’re pissed off he didn’t do enough to mark your birthday when you decided to bugger off for the weekend without him. If I were him I’d have taken the hint that you never were very interested in spending your birthday with him.

If he can manage going to the gym, he can knead dough for 10 mins.

I don't think it's too much to ask to also have your partner wish you happy birthday.

I'm also not fussed about presents, I struggle to think of anything. I would much prefer a thoughtful gift, even homemade. I would tell him him to pull his finger out as well as his tooth

A lot of people don't like turning 30, 40, 50 etc It's a bit rude to say grow up.

I wish you Happy Birthday and hope you enjoy your choccy.

You do sound like a drama queen, going on and on about pizza dough and pyjamas and 'dreading' turning 30 ... which is a year away .

Dental pain can be pretty horrendous, to be fair.

I went down south for an aunts 80th which was yesterday? He hasn't met this aunt as her and my dad only got back in touch a few years ago and I've only seen her like three times. I went down as it's nice to keep in touch with my English relatives and also my husband and I have a dog so he decided to stay at home and my sister wasnt bring her partner anyway? Not that I had to justify that. But i didnt just bugger off without him!

Do you not spend anytime away from your partner??

I havent been going on and on about turning 30? My friends and sister have been joking with me recently that I'll be the first to turn 30 and I've expressed how I'm not looking forward to it!

As for going on about pizza and pjs. I was asked what I wanted and I told him that 🤔

Tesco also sell pjs, and pizza dough.

He's selfish and lazy, possibly accentuated by toothache!

You’ll be over it this time next week (After everyone stops asking what you got for your birthday 😉)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP !!!! 🥳
Fingers crossed he pulls out all the stops for you next year xx

If he could stagger to Tesco, I don't think his tooth would have hurt any more/less if he'd made it to M&S for pyjamas. Which seems a dreary present but if that's what you want!

What do you think happens when you turn 30? You sound like hard work.

I've not long turned 40 and it feels no different to being 29.

Good for you! Each to their own!
I just dont like the idea of not being in my 20s? I mean, turning 30 doesnt keep me up at night, I only talk about it when my family and friends bring it up! So not sure how that makes me hard work 🤷🏼‍♀️

You sound very childish for a 29 year old.

Have you ever suffered from wisdom tooth pain?

He’s being really crap. Do your nut so that he knows that this is totally unacceptable (that’s what I did, I get nice gifts now, he’s too afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t get me something nice! 😂

Sore wisdom tooth = he couldn't go out to buy you pjs.

All I can say to that is thank God men don't have to give birth to the babies.

Seems like he just cba. He could have ordered you pjs online which would have taken him 15-20 mins? He could have bought some pizza dough too instead of making it if he went to tesco anyway. Just seems a bit like hes using his toothache as an excuse because he's lazy.

Yeah, I've had wisdom tooth pain and have one taken out... what's your point?

YABU for going in a mood and for watching Love Island. You sound like a teenager.

My point is, the pain is excruciating and I’ve given birth twice. And someone being hard work about a 29th birthday would have been the last thing on my mind at the time

Op you've accidentally stepped into the wormhole that is hoping for a little effort for your birthday. In MN land the second you turn 18 birthdays are cancelled and if you ask for more than a card from the local garage you're a petulant stroppy child and omg grow up etc.

As if some how the passing of years dulls our hopes to feel a little bit special occasionally, or a little bit loved.

Your partner wasn't exactly laid up with the pain (going to work and his parents) and even if he was amazon takes one click.. he has been an arse and I'm sorry you feel sad.

Anyone being scornful of OP's sadness at the passage of time - seriously who can be so completely narrow minded that they cannot imagine that some may feel the fear of their own mortality more than others. It is a basic part of the human condition to fear aging. Some do, some don't. Stop fishing for things to be bitchy about.

I know the pain is excruciating. My wisdom tooth pain was horrendous, affected my sleep and made me quite grumpy. I would have still made an effort for his bday if it were me. I havent went on and on about my bday either. He asked what I wanted and I told him...

If he’s been going to the gym daily he has no excuse

Growing older is a gift denied to many.....

I would just buy my own birthday presents in future....I have a friend who does this after years of getting increasingly upset about her partners lack of effort on birthdays. Otherwise they have a wonderful relationship. Perhaps his family didn't really do birthdays. If everything else in the relationship is fine I don't see this as a huge problem.