To feel incredibly lonely?

[Bisquists]

I'm mid 30s and embarrassed to admit how lonely I am.

I have a lovely DH and I really appreciate having him, but I have no family or friends. He is the sum total of my life.

I feel so lonely.

I've tried attending art classes, book groups, yoga classes, I've started two new volunteer jobs, joined a running club, the gym etc, but not made any friends.

I seem to get on really well with others, lots of laughter, chatting, I'm very easy going, but friendships never progress.

My birthday was last week and my one card (from DH) highlighted that there's just one person in my life that cares about me.

To not have any friends, or any social life at all, what's wrong with me? :(

I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit flat atm. This week was loneliness week on Women’s Hour. It would be worth listening online as it might make you feel there are others going through the same thing and give you some ideas about how to manage your feelings or your lifestyle.

Happy birthday btw.

Have you watched Fleabag, season 2.
It essentially a show about a lonely 30-ish year old, bloody brilliant! @Bisquists

TotorosFurryBehind

I found the baby groups even more isolating, too. Being at home alone is one things but being alone in a group of people you should in theory be getting on well with is a whole other level. I felt pretty shit when I walked past the window of a cafe in my very small town and saw quite a few baby group mums having coffee together.

Unlike OP I have rubbish social skills. I’m mostly happy by myself but it’s hard to see other people and their friends having fun together sometimes. I think it’s become a bit of a vicious cycle as I actively stay away from social situations where I risk making an idiot of myself or being reminded of how rubbish I am.

I’m a huge believer in online friends. I’ve found a forum or group about a particular interest (books, knitting, a band, etc) to join in the past. It can be tricky because verifying a person is who they say they are takes time and they may not live close to you but it can be very worth it. One of my best friends lives on another continent but we met online and WhatsApp is amazing (we fly to on another virtually every year and have done for 5 years now!). Another 2 (via a bands site) and I meet up with a couple times per year and we are off abroad together next week. It doesn’t change the day to day social side but those friendships are worth more to me than some of my local acquaintances.

WI? If you have any weight to
lose SlimmingWorld. Ours is really friendly and you can volunteer in social team.

I'm happy to be friends with anyone.

I felt a lot like that after my separation when most people just dumped me with no warning, no conversation, no asking me my side of things, nothing. That Xmas I only got cards from family, nil from friends. Nowt. It hurt, I won’t pretend it didn’t.

Some time later things are picking up a bit and I’m enjoying life a lot more, so all I can say is a) you’re better off with no friends than non genuine ones, and b) it will get better, just believe in yourself and never try to be who you’re not.

OP can I ask what you do from home in the line of work? You said you left school early. I’m looking for something myself and really want to work from home.

I’m also lonely. I enjoy people’s company but often find myself quite drained after it too. I guess I’m an introvert. I worked in large offices for twenty years and never made one long lasting friend. I had day to day friends who I’d meet for lunch, chat about personal stuff but I noticed a trend when people left, that the friendship would fizzle out and it became apparent it was a work friendship only.

A friend of mine moved to a new city and joined meet-up. She really likes it but meets people who are in the city for a year max, no long lasting friendships, she also works from home, she got a dog and meets fellow dog walkers. She is incredibly sociable but is missing having a partner and is lonely. I think there are a lot of people who are lonely in their own way.

Could you join a community organisation? It might not provide close friendships but it might increase your network, create different relationships and fill a void?

Where in the South West are you, feel free to PM me if you'd prefer. I'm in North Devon and have no friends either, moved down here a year ago! Tis hard sometimes

You can’t be sure re hypoallergenicness ( if that’s a word) with cross breed animals - Bichon Frise dogs are eminently suitable for allergy prone people and make the most wonderful companions - I can’t say ‘pets’ -