To feel incredibly lonely?

[Bisquists]

I'm mid 30s and embarrassed to admit how lonely I am.

I have a lovely DH and I really appreciate having him, but I have no family or friends. He is the sum total of my life.

I feel so lonely.

I've tried attending art classes, book groups, yoga classes, I've started two new volunteer jobs, joined a running club, the gym etc, but not made any friends.

I seem to get on really well with others, lots of laughter, chatting, I'm very easy going, but friendships never progress.

My birthday was last week and my one card (from DH) highlighted that there's just one person in my life that cares about me.

To not have any friends, or any social life at all, what's wrong with me? :(

Hi OP, you are definitely not alone feeling this way. I’m a good ten years older than you but I also struggle to make friends. I know exactly what you mean. I chat away happily with people but struggle to progress the friendship. It’s like I don’t know how to move things on! My cousin is the complete opposite to me and makes friends so easily. I wish I could be more like that. I like one of the ideas above about joining the WI, or how about getting a small job outside the home or, what about doing a course? Learning a new language or joining a walking/rambling club. Don’t give up yet OP. You sound a good person, you deserve a good friend or two. I’m from the SW aswell, Bristol

Like you I don't have any friends or family. If you did want to consider a dog there are non shedding breeds that may be ok for your husband. I am sure if you contacted some breeders and explained the situation they would let you visit to see if he reacted at all.

Can you ride a bike? Check out Breeze ladies rides in your area ... mostly aimed at getting ladies who haven't ridden in a while out on their bikes ..very sociable!!! Usually involves cafes and cake too 👍😁 a great way to meet people x

Is the working from home due to your illness?

My only friends are work colleagues now. Life is far too complicated (ill child) to have any time for friends outside work, so they have fallen away.

I don't find exercise classes etc a great place to make friends but how about volunteering or similar?

I used to work from home and found myself in the same position as you, I felt incredibly lonely. I actually gave it up to return to work elsewhere for that reason! Is that an option for you? If not, a couple of suggestions: Could you relocate your work from home to a co-working space? There are lots of them popping up all over these day. And/or, start up a local social meet-up for other people in your area who work at home too - I did this, I advertised for others in my position and arranged to meet for lunch/coffee.

I've read most friends are made via forced socialisation so school, uni, work, maybe doing school runs with kids and meeting fellow mums. Can try and get a job outside the home? What about doing a course, evening class (can't remember if you said you'd tried that). I'd be your friend OP, but I'm in the south east, you can PM me though if you want a penpal

Hi @Bisquists
I’m sorry you feel like this, I have also had times when I have felt very lonely but things improved recently, I still don’t forget how crap it is. No one should feel lonely, but I know that there are lots of people who do.
Happy belated birthday

I know you work from home, but maybe try a different job. You’d meet lots of people at work.

I have the same problem and it’s so difficult to make new friends.

How did you meet your DH?

Does he go out to work and, if so, does he have any friends at work?

I met my lovely friend of over 20 years, through our DH's.

My DH invited her DH (and her) out for a drink with us and it evolved from there.

Funnily enough, the DH's no longer work together and we haven't socialised as a foursome for years but she and I meet up every week for a cinema/theatre trip or just share a couple of drinks together and put the world to rights😊.
We have girly weekends away and, I like to think, we provide an emotional support to each other which is different to that which we get from a husband.

Would something like that work for you? ie. making friends via your DH's work colleagues?

In a way, though, if you become friends with the people in the aforementioned clubs, your time at said clubs could.be considered as spending time with friends.

I moved to a new city an hour from where my fsmily/friends live. Not too far away, but enough to make it impractical to see friends in the week, especially with my work schedule.

I've joined an independent hardcore gym and have become very friendly with the owner and then other members. I only see them in the gym, but that's three nights a week and we chat a lot of the FB members page.

You've received lots of good suggestions from PP so I don't have much to add. I just wanted to say that you are not alone. A lot more people than you realise are in this situation. So... You're in good company in your loneliness, you might say.

I hope things get better for you.

Try the meetup app / website
It is specifically for making friends and finding local groups of like minded people
I’ve met lots of people and made lots of friends through various groups. You’re not alone, it’s really hard to find connections outside of school / uni / workplace.
Good luck!

I've come back to this thread for a second comment because it's struck a nerve with me. You say you get on well with others at your clubs, voluntary jobs, classes, etc but that the friendships never progress. I wonder whether you have pushed this much? I mean, have you invited any of these folks out? Sometimes you need to be bold and take the lead. You could even be open and say to them that you don't know many people in the area and you're trying to make new friends, would they like to go out for coffee/cinema/jogging. You seem nice OP, you deserve to have friends!

I live in the South-East. I also make decent cakes. I will be your friend OP!

Have a look for local groups on Facebook. Just search for your town name and see what you can find. Sometimes there are "Make friends" groups who regularly arrange meet ups. Alternatively join Meet Up.

Agree with the WI, this is why it exists.

In my experience it can take a good two years before a new friendship really starts. So it's difficult. If it helps at all I think you're at a tricky age - gets easier again when older.

I'm with those who think you should look at least for a part time job outside the house. Warning - I hardly ever make real friends at work in the sense of staying in serious contact when I leave, but I really love seeing all my colleagues at work and we're all on good terms. It's just that my home life is where my heart is. I know lots of people who have made good friends at work though.

@Bisquists Yes, it’s depressing. We’ve only just started making friends but it’s hard. I have one other locally and two other long distance ones who I see sporadically, it CAN be done

You could try volunteering perhaps. Ot must be quite isolating working from home. Joining a gym or class perhaps. I live in SW also there is lots of yoga type stuff about

I think you need to focus on what you have and not on the perceived void.

You have a DH who is your life. Some people haven't got any soul. having a loving DH is a lot! and much more important than some superficiam relationships.

Thank you so much for the lovely replies, and thank you for the suggestions! I've never considered the WI so I'll look into that, and I could be very brave and start my own meet up.

Just to answer about DH - he's very, very much an introvert and doesn't have friends; he's a driver so he has a very isolated job too. Sadly no opportunity to try to build anything through DH; he's happy that way, it's just just how he is.

I do appreciate having DH, but our interests are polar opposite so anything I fancy doing, I do by myself (cinema, trying a new restaurant, theater, coffee in a cafe, running races) and it would just be so lovely to have company and share some these experiences.

I mean, have you invited any of these folks out? I do offer invites to those I've clicked with, but, so far, I've had no takers! I've invited others to meet for cinema/meal/coffee/jog and all of them say: 'I'd love to but I don't have time/energy/opportunity at the moment...I'll let you know, let's swap numbers' but nothing progresses, and I certainly don't want to pester anyone.

They could be brushing me off of course, but I feel it's genuine - everyone seems so busy (understandably) and it's as though their lives are full to to brim just keeping their existing friends/family relationships on track, especially if they're parents, and they just aren't looking to extend their circle.

I think you need to focus on what you have and not on the perceived void You're absolutely right, it can be easy to forget the good and focus on the bad; I have a lot to be grateful for.

Snap
I joined a meet up site and just look where people are going but just can’t take that first step
It’s incredibly hard to make friends and take that jump of faith to meet new people

Get a dog oh how I wish I could! DH has asthma, animal hair is an awful trigger for him - he loves dogs too, it's such a shame.

We have a cockapoo- no trigger for my DD who was awful when we had a lab.

Also lonely here. I'm on maternity leave with an 8 month old baby and although I go out to lots of baby groups find nothing ever progresses. Yesterday some of the mums from a group I've been going to for months were all going out to lunch together, it really got me down. People saying DC are a link to a social life... it's not always the case

I'm the same, I only have my DH. Thanks to parents moving me around at vital points in my life I lost all the friends I'd made at each place. I always made friends easily as a child but not now I'm an adult. I find most people seem to have their own family and friendship groups and aren't interested in anyone new.
I haven't had a friend all my adult life, I'm now mid thirties. I've been on good terms with work colleagues, I chat to people at my DC school, but they all have their own lives away from that.
I've offered meeting up and coffees, no ones interested. I give up now.
I'm always up for a chat on here if anyone wants to