AIBU to put DD on social media?

[CluelessNewMama]

SIL has built a career as a fashion ‘influencer’, mainly through Instagram and is now pretty successful with it, with contracts with lots of big brands. She is also a social media consultant.

She recently asked if I would consider starting an account for DD (7 months), I hadn’t really thought about it before but have been considering it since this conversation. She isn’t pushing the issue in any way.

If we were to do it I would want it to be with SIL supporting or running it with the aim of growing it to be able to negotiate paid sponsorship with brands (kids clothes, toys, etc). I’d expect SIL to take a cut if she runs the account but any money otherwise would go into savings/investment for DD when she’s older. I wouldn’t expect to earn any money from it for myself.

I’m really uncertain about how comfortable I feel about doing it. On the one hand it could be a fun, easy way to put some money aside to set DD up for later life (it took me and DH many years of hard work and saving to be able to afford to buy a house and start a family and I’d love for her to be able to have it a bit easier). On the other hand, I worry that it’s in some way exploitative and potentially damaging to her, although I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual risks are if it’s run responsibly. I guess the idea of potentially thousands of people looking at photos of her seems weird, although I’d feel totally comfortable about her being photographed for mainstream media advertising which could be viewed by many more people.

I’m leaning towards no but don’t want to kick myself down the line. I won’t be doing anything unless DH and I feel comfortable and have set some clear boundaries on how it will work.

I don’t really use SM much myself so would be good to get thoughts on risks/downsides that I haven’t thought of, and experiences from anyone who has done similar.

I think you might run the risk of running her whole life 'for show', rather than what she really enjoys or helps her develop.

with the aim of growing it to be able to negotiate paid sponsorship with brands

You do know you are talking about your little human baby, who relies on you to love and protect her and not exploit her.

Grabby much!

Really don't. It stops you making choices with her best interests at heart if you are also thinking about how things look on Insta world.

No. Don’t do this to your poor baby just to boost SIL and her “influencing”. Such social media bollocks. 🙄

Just go and read one thread on Tattle and ask yourself if you should subject your daughter to that BS

No. No no no no

I can’t understand why people want their kids famous. Known by the world. She’s 7 months old

Would you allow people to do stuff to you without your consent? You mind others posting photos of you? Anywhere? Which can be shared with anyone including sex offenders? You’re ok with that? If so. Go ahead.

Of course it's exploitative, she's a baby and has no say in the matter.

Tell her to get her own DD to exploit! Seriously I can't see your daughter thanking you if you do this. You know the profile will have to be public and just one photo giving a clue to where you live could help any weirdo that's taken a liking to your daughter to find you. Think back and consider how violated you would now feel if your parents had done this to you.

Don't do it. Take it from a parent who knows. Perhaps I'm not as qualified as SIL, but my daughter models and has done for a number of years. Most of her jobs have been secured by her agent, without the need for SM. However last year our agent asked if I would do a parent-held account on Instagram. I wasn't even on insta myself and navigating it was hard. I spent many hours wondering what to actually put. To say. To "influence". Then there's actually having to be REALLY careful about what you put on in terms of what they're wearing, how they're posing etc. Granted, it got her a spot at London Fashion week and she also worked alongside Kate Moss in a recent shoot, but it's such a disgusting seedy place is SM. I've lasted until Christmas, so about 5 months and I said to the agent it was a no from now on. The inboxes you receive are vile. Your child is exposed to people you'll never meet, or want to. I've shut it down, but I'm more than aware my daughters images (albeit only 4) are now out there.

My agent respected the decision, and my daughter now goes to castings like most other child models do. I do see some of the social girls though on adverts though so it obviously does work for some. It just wasn't for me.

No and NO

I personally wouldn’t . But it’s your decision at the end of the day but I think a child should have a day with things like this and at 7 months she has no idea . Well done to your sister though on doing so well. X

I think you should listen to your other hand.

No.

Your child is a human, with an independent selfhood and right to privacy and dignity.

Wait until she’s sixteen. Then ask her.

Ugh.

Surely the difference is in mainstream advertising children just appear as anonymous 'baby wearing nappy', 'girl playing with toy', whereas on social media your daughter would be herself, or at least a persona you/she takes on that is meant to be a real child? The one can mean the child carries on a normal life while modelling occasionally, the other means endlessly recording and documenting her life for strangers. What @adviceneededon says above is terrifying, I wouldn't do it.

You will destroy her life if you do this she is a baby not a commodity for you to exploit!
Ask yourself how you would have felt as a teenager knowing that every moment of your life from 7 months old was online for the entire world to comment on

You know those shows like toddlers and tiaras? Do you think those parents really believe they're giving their daughters skills,talent and confidence to set them up for life, or are they living vicariously through them? You'll be doing the same but putting it out for the world to see and for everyone sue ever meets to find about her whether she wants it or not.

Pretty unanimous then! Thanks for the input.

Like I said, my instinct was not to do it but good to know I’m not just out of touch.

@adviceneededon thanks so much for sharing your experience, it’s hard to know what the reality of it is so it’s really helpful to hear that. Sorry it was such an awful experience for you and safe to say we won’t be considering it any further after reading that.

No I really wouldn’t. I think there’s going to be a huge backlash in the future towards parents who do this and see it as a betrayal of trust.

Hell to the no

Would you put your baby in the middle of a town square, in order to attract attention. And then allow all different kinds of random strangers - some kind, some not and some dangerous to comment on her? Because that basically what you would be doing.
Instead just enjoy your baby and her innocence and no one in the world commenting on her or making judgements about what she looks like. This time when they are little doesn’t last long.

@CluelessNewMama your sister is more exposed to it than I was, so probably has more of a hand on what to say, what to hashtag etc. Whereas I was just a clueless mum, and didn't really "get" it. I think you have to consider whether she would tell you about all the vile sleazy messages. Or would she just sideline them because she's possibly used to receiving them herself? And I agree with what some others have said, will your daughter grow up happy knowing her whole life is documented? The four posts I did were of castings, tagging in the location and hash tagging what she was wearing (riverisland etc). And even that I found hard work. Ironically the one which got the most likes was at a restaurant in China town when I hash tagged what we was eating as opposed to what she was wearing

@adviceneededon SIL seems to have had a fairly positive experience of social media so far, although she shares very little of her actual life on there (her posts are basically just her modelling different outfits in nice locations and don’t include her family, friends, home, etc) so perhaps don’t invite much interest or comment from anyone not interested in fashion. I think for that reason probably neither of us had really thought through the nastiness that could come with it, I’d just been thinking of it as the equivalent of child modelling but on a different platform, but I guess it just becomes so much less anonymous on SM.

Ewww.

There are already very interesting legal discussions happening about media consent of minors in places like Spain, where TV shows are under scrutiny.
If a child is portrayed negatively and suffers a real life consequence (say, bullying) then who is to blame?
Personally I think privacy is becoming more valuable.