AIBU to put DD on social media?

[CluelessNewMama]

SIL has built a career as a fashion ‘influencer’, mainly through Instagram and is now pretty successful with it, with contracts with lots of big brands. She is also a social media consultant.

She recently asked if I would consider starting an account for DD (7 months), I hadn’t really thought about it before but have been considering it since this conversation. She isn’t pushing the issue in any way.

If we were to do it I would want it to be with SIL supporting or running it with the aim of growing it to be able to negotiate paid sponsorship with brands (kids clothes, toys, etc). I’d expect SIL to take a cut if she runs the account but any money otherwise would go into savings/investment for DD when she’s older. I wouldn’t expect to earn any money from it for myself.

I’m really uncertain about how comfortable I feel about doing it. On the one hand it could be a fun, easy way to put some money aside to set DD up for later life (it took me and DH many years of hard work and saving to be able to afford to buy a house and start a family and I’d love for her to be able to have it a bit easier). On the other hand, I worry that it’s in some way exploitative and potentially damaging to her, although I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual risks are if it’s run responsibly. I guess the idea of potentially thousands of people looking at photos of her seems weird, although I’d feel totally comfortable about her being photographed for mainstream media advertising which could be viewed by many more people.

I’m leaning towards no but don’t want to kick myself down the line. I won’t be doing anything unless DH and I feel comfortable and have set some clear boundaries on how it will work.

I don’t really use SM much myself so would be good to get thoughts on risks/downsides that I haven’t thought of, and experiences from anyone who has done similar.

@CluelessNewMama if you want her to model, go through an agent. I can't recommend any as my daughter didn't start until she was 10, and that was via a performing arts school so she models, acts, sings, musical theatre etc. But from both a social media and agent perspective, be warned it's a big time and money commitment. We are not London based, and 99% of casting are in London. On average, we spend around £150 for each casting in travel and food expenses. None of which are guaranteed a return. So for that reason, we limit one casting per quarter as I just don't have the time or money to put in what is required as a parent. Likewise on SM, you will get companies which want you to act as an "ambassador". Basically you buy clothes from them, and then you hashtag them when wearing the outfit. Again, limited return unless everyone in your followers buys the item. Honestly I find it exhausting.

If it wasn't for my daughter loving it, and currently doing quite well, I'd gladly give it all up. I'm an nhs senior manager and cannot just get time off at the drop of a hat to attend castings. One shoot was also abroad, so I had to sort my job, daughters school, two dogs and my other child in order for my eldest to go. We were then on set from 6am for five days straight. Hard work. It's not all the dream life people imagine.

Part of my job is to monitor social media channels for an educational publisher. Whenever there are images of children (I'm talking photos of kids reading books in a classrooms or something like that) we get a ton of absolute disgusting messages. Truly, truly vile and depraved stuff. About fully clothed primary kids in school settings. I now don't ever put any photos of my kids on social media. I think you are making the right choice for your daughter.

Just awful

No don’t.

If you want paedophiles saving pics of your baby then go ahead. I think it’s highly inappropriate. Once those pics are out there you have absolutely no control over them.

I'd never do it op.

Not a chance I'd put a baby on social media, what would she gain from it, Nothing as she’s a baby who needs love and attention from family not 1000’s of adoring fans and a pair of pushy parents!

I would suggest caution

My DD had her own YouTube channel, from age 4-11. I wrote online at the time, and because she would feature along with her brother, we had a company ask to send her a doll. This was before all the OTT influencer stuff. So I said yes, and from there, the brand asked her to be a brand ambassador via my blog. To be honest, it saved me lots of money and I was drastically poor at the time and in that "if only I could give my child everything they ask for" mindset.
She's quite the show off, so when I filmed her with one toy, it went down so well that we set her up a channel and she used to do them as and when. She loved it. DS wouldn't have anything to do with it though. He's shy as hell and hates being photographed let alone filmed.
By the time she was 8, she was being sent concert tickets and press passes and again, she loved showing her mates. She also used to give her mates little bits and bobs- one time a huge box of Shopkins arrived as a birthday gift from a PR company right as they were all the rage, along with posters and all sorts. She had a party and gave most of them away. She also used to give a lot of toys and books after trying them to school and secondhand shops.

However, she hit secondary school. And the teasing began. Comments were left on her channel taking the piss out of her younger videos. She was really upset by it, said it was embarrassing and that people were laughing at her in her year group. We had to ask school to step in.
We set her videos to private as a result and she no longer vlogs. She's not on social media at all. She still shows off and wants to be an actress or presenter, but she prefers to do her showing off at a drama group.

What starts off for the child and you as fun and a great way of saving money or getting nice things can descend into a nightmare once they reach a certain age. She won't even let me post pics of her on my Instagram anymore.
I wish I had said no to the doll in the first place.

@BiBiBirdie this is so sad, and also a fear of mine. When my daughters first tv ad launched, she was so excited to show all her friends. But it lead to teasing, nasty comments etc. So what was meant to be a proud moment was quickly overshadowed. Now she doesn't tell them. Just before Christmas she was on tv and one of her friends saw her and then told everyone else.
My daughter said "yes, I know". And that was it. No big deal made of it, and that's the best way to handle it now. My daughter enters secondary this time and her agent has already warned her that because she is growing into a young lady much quicker than some others in her age group (iyswim) she's less likely to get jobs...and that's fine by us both.

I’m actually going to go against what everyone else here has said and say go for it! Social media’s pretty lucrative these days, what you’re planning on doing is really no different to when women’s magazines would interview people who parented in certain ways back only a few years ago...

@adviceneededon that's the problem though isn't? The slightest success at it and it gives rise to bullying. I'm sure it's partly driven by jealousy like most things with bullying.
It was the same with a friend who's daughter modelled- she was on the window of a big fashion retailer and she was ridiculed for it. Constantly told she was ugly and how did she get picked. Put her off and she stopped.
I think you have to be respectful of their right to say, no, enough now thanks. A few PR people still contact me on the off chance but she's adamant it's a no.

@yours is a cautionary tale everyone who’s thinking of doing this should read.

poor child. don't do it. social media 'influencers' are parasites who can't earn a proper living. Would never take advice from one.

"although I can’t quite put my finger on what the actual risks are if it’s run responsibly."

Well, there's paedos wanking over your child. So yeah, there's a big reason not to have your kid on an open social media profile....

Plus having your child at a very young age knowing how they need to 'look' for a good photograph.
Your child being upset when that post doesn't 'win' them a freebie or get as many likes.

And despite what you think when you see those photos, it's not the first candid shot that goes up. The kids have had numerous photos taken and are bored shitless most of the time.

There is nothing wrong with your kid working years to get enough money to afford nice things and buy a house.
Getting given things for free for their whole lives often turns them in to little fuckwits with no need to aim high.
Why study hard at uni when I can pose for sexy photos and get freebies and cash?
Why want to become a doctor, do volunteering work, do something worthwhile when I can just stick up a virtue signalling post to 'raise awareness'?

Make them work for what they want. That's the whole point.

Your child's well being and privacy are far more important than money. And anyway working hard for things you want in adulthood is normal, healthy and character building, so don't let that be your excuse for pimping your child out.

If you want your child to have a miserable high school experience crack on

Agree I would t do it. Though not doing it for fear of bullying is a sad reflection of school and friends these days....

Since schools began children have used any excuse to rip the piss, bully and bring down other children. It's not a sad reflection of schools 'nowadays'

Don't. She can't consent. As pp said, innocent pics are used for terrible purposes by people you would cross the street to avoid.
Your job is to protect your child.

In my profession, I have to watch the visuals that child pornographers create, to try to see who, what and where they're doing the filming. We only do it on a rotation, so we don't become habituated to it, and lose our objectivity. Sometimes, at night, I can't un see those images. I think I will ask for a transfer out of my current team, into a less demanding front line one.

I would do it! Great opportunity to earn money for your dd.

You don't have to do it for ever, stop whenever you want

Thanks all

I’ll gladly admit that I hadn’t fully thought it through and was probably very naive to think it could potentially be just a bit of harmless fun.

Thanks to posters who have shared their experiences and opened my eyes to the reality, so sorry that you have had such a tough time.

And ironically, some of the more vicious commenters have done a great job of teaching me how awful strangers on the internet can be.

Needless to say, I won’t be giving it any further thought.

Sorry, name change fail!

@YakkityYakYakYak glad to help. It just wasn't something I had the foresight to think would be an issue. She doesn't regret some of the things she got to do, and bullying is never acceptable. I did feel a little responsible though. I think at the time, it was so new that no one involved in early youtubing or blogging realised it would have a negative effect.