5 year old thinks she is an adult

[Mummyscrewedup]

5 year old has lots of social emotional difficulties, speech difficulties etc. One of the biggest things is that she sees herself as an adult not a child. I've been told I just need to be firm on boundaries to prove she is a child and I'm the adult but she literally doesn't get it.

How do I make her get it? She is attempting to control other children at school in much the same way as the teachers would

Social stories are quite good for explaining with children with communication and social difficulties. You can make your own.

I don't understand how my boundaries could be any firmer. I already have the most painfully firm boundaries out of everyone I know parenting wise. I don't know How to make her get it

Find a story that she gets. Children often learn through identifying with character in books.

DD had a few weeks of ‘Pom Pom gets the Grumps’ to help her deal with her new an confusing angry emotions. It has helped.

@BelleSausage She can't relate them to herself. She can understand the stories but not relate them to herself

Keep doing as you are. My niece was very much like this as a young child. Eventually she began to see the other children's reactions and slowly began to understand.

And to give yourself a break and avoid known conflicts where you can. You can tackle little areas of stubbornness but I would suggest not too many in one day, if you can help it.

I am firm on making her wait and ignoring when she interupts. Obviously violence and aggression immediate removal. I use 3 2 1 magic for minor stuff. I give her choices over as much as possible ie toast or cereal for breakfast. I keep her routine predictable. I don't let her control her brother.

She thrives off boundaries etc and I personally find her controlling behaviour comes out when she isn't secure in her boundaries or is incredibly anxious

Well it will take her a while to get it. She's only 5 after all, don't expect too much from her.

Bumping for you

Is it worth asking on the special needs boards?

Can you make a social story about her, it may make it clearer to her where she fits.

This is a fairly common feature for children on the autistic spectrum (especially with a PDA profile) - has this been suggested? It was one of these biggest issues for my now 9 yr old when he was younger - an almost obsessional need to make sure everyone else followed the rules whilst paying little attention to his own compliance

Social stories may help a bit but it's important to try and drill down to what is behind her need for control as you've then got a much better chance of helping her change the behaviour.

I would also recommend a move to the SN board, lots of posters with kids with similar issues, (and lots of good ideas and strategies)

Is there any chance she is on the autistic spectrum?My son is and was very similar aged 5 - he genuinely couldn't understand why I got to tell him 'what to do'.

My daughter is like this, she's almost four. Diagnosed ASD. She does accept that she's 'a little girl' but sees the other children at preschool as babies, seeks out adult company over other children and will try to interrupt/join in/monopolise adult conversation.

At five, I'd be looking at social stories. This generally isn't a discipline or poor parenting issue (although it appears as one to people who don't know any better!) if this is something your child genuinely struggles with then she needs help to manage it and overcome it. Have she any other indicators for being on the spectrum, as you mention she has social difficulties?

There's a dispute going on whether it's attachment or asd

Who is saying it's attachment? What's the evidence for that?

My so is still like this at 17. It is exhausting.

No advice op but someone recommended to be social filing cabinet to me - I think if you google you might find something?

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=DK5PjAcDl0C&pg=PA84&lpg=PA84&dq=social.filing+cabinet+asd&source=bl&ots=EdlmULYQnt&sig=ACfU3U2oLnCc8vFjmy1S5aDMXG5jJqqIBQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiU3rvmy57nAhU3TBUIHRR_bAAEQ6AEwBHoECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=social.filing%20cabinet%20asd&f=false

You say she has speech difficulties, but has her receptive language also been assessed? It's not uncommon for children with such difficulties to try to make other children do as they want, as it's easier than trying to understand what their peers are saying to them.

Go back through previous any Speech & Language reports and see whether there is any mention of this that perhaps didn't present as the greatest need when she was younger because of her speech difficulties. If she is currently under Speech & Language therapy, they can assess her and provide strategies for you and school to use.

Also speak to the Senco (Special Educational Needs Co-ordination) at school. Make an appointment via the school office - in advance, so they have time to gather information on DD. Take the most relevant SALT reports if the school has not been copied in to them.

The Senco will be able to tell you what is being put in place, what will be put in place and what you can do at home to support your DD, which might include some of things pp have already mentioned.

Try role playing.
So you be a peer, and be an adult. Or get her to do it with teddies.
That helped mine more than social stories.

You can also talk about different people being "in charge" at different times. Eg your boss is in charge at work and if they say "Can you sort out this?" then you do, but you wouldn't say it back.
It may help if you give her times where she is "in charge" so she can, for example, choose what to watch on Sunday Night.

Is it just that she doesn't take orders or is it tone of voice?
Tone of voice (or choice words) is something that's really difficult for them to understand. It took me a very long time to persuade one of mine that saying "This is the only way to do it," was only going to put backs up. We worked very hard on sentences that said "Can we try this way" or "What about..?"

Maybe try reframing things so that it's not about being an adult or a child but explaining that everyone (adults and children) has different roles in different situations. At work, adults have to listen to their boss and do what they are told. At school, pupils have to listen to their teacher and do what they are told. At home, children have to listen to their parents and do what they are told. We all have to learn that sometimes we aren't the boss. And maybe set up some clearly limited situations where she is allowed to be the boss - e.g. an hour each evening where she can decide what's on TV or what game everyone plays.