To think that baby showers for dc no 2 are....

[pandapancakes]

Just plain grabby?

I never had baby showers, no judgement to those that do but it wasn't for me. However I thought the whole idea was to help set up the new parents to be with gifts etc.

I can't put my finger on why, because I certainly don't think subsequent children are less important, but it just feels incredibly grabby.

Means a gift for the shower, contributing towards the food etc and a couple I've been to have shitty games. Then you feel like you have to get a gift when you meet the baby in person for the first time.

Oh and a couple have asked for contributions towards the mum hamper

I'd never say this in real life though, so I'm curious as to whether it's just me?!

Totally agree.

I hate them tbh. I think they are done purely for the social media posts.

Just say your busy. You obviously don't care enough about the mum to be excited, just make your excuses and don't bloody bother. Let people celebrate a pregnancy how they want. You don't know what they mightve been through to get to that point.

Baby showers are grabby and should be banned. They also presume the baby will arrive safely, not such a great idea

I’m pregnant with DC2, had a shower with my first planned by my sister and my friend insisted (and I mean insisted!) on throwing one for number 2. First was the whole Shabang, lots of friends and family, games, gifts. Second one was just the girls from our family for afternoon tea, absolutely no games or other baby related crap. It was lovely for everyone involved and a nice excuse to get both sides of the family together.

I don't have kids so haven't had a baby shower, but my sister's best friend held her a baby "shower" for her second and third babies. It was lovely - sisters, mum, friends getting together to chat and eat cake. The food was bring and share so it didn't cost much and some people bought gifts, some didn't. It was called a baby shower as that is what a party for a mum to be is called, but there was no expectation that she would be showered with gifts - it was just a social occasion.

Even baby shower for first baby is extremely grabby.
Horrid Americanised events.

Totally grabby and attention seeking. People who are that way inclined usually seem to kick up it a notch during things like pregnancy and wedding planning though. Just don't attend!

there was no expectation that she would be showered with gifts - it was just a social occasion.

Maybe it's just my circle then... but if it was the above I wouldn't mind.

But one I was invited to had a gift list and the presents started at £20, most were much higher than this. Every shower I've been to they sit around at the end and open all the gifts, I'd feel really awkward about not giving one in that situation.

My circles of friends all had baby showers, although we're all finished having babies now. We used to all chip in £5 each for food and £5 each for a gift and it would be held at one of our houses. The food was things like pizza, nibbles, and cake and the gift would always be something for the mum-to-be like her favourite smellies or a new bag or a voucher for her favourite shop. She would be brought to the house on a pretence like asking her to drop off an item someone wanted to borrow or being invited around for a cuppa and we would all be there waiting. It was a way for us to wish our friend well and have a get together before the haze of the newborn days. Nothing grabby ir show-off about it.

Totally agree. I didn’t have one with my first, find them a bit weird to be honest I just gift a present whenever my friends or family have the actual baby.

Baby showers are nice if it's more about getting everyone together before the baby comes because it's not so easy once they're here.

Gift lists for any occasion are grabby IMO.

Not just you

Dp niece is pregnant with number 2 and we recently just got the invite to the baby shower. My first thoughts were "um you dont have one for number 2, you got everything, GIFT GRAB"

Thankfully we wont be going, we live to far away for the start time. We may buy a box of nappies and leave it at DP mum place to keep the peace of getting something.
For number 2 I wont give toys, clothes, chip in for prams. To me they should already have all that from the first, especially with a small age gap

I think they can be unnecessary.
I had one with my first that my best friend planned. I made it clear it wasn't for gifts. We just played games, chatted, drank tea and I did a buffet. Didn't get to have a baby shower for ds2 because I had a termination for medical reasons.
So now I'm pregnant again (ridiculously early days) and if I'm lucky enough to get to that point, I will plan a little meet up to celebrate.

Did they buy you gifts Mary? If not then that wasn't a baby shower. And nobody can insist you do anything. My friends tried to "insist" and I just refused.

If it’s a baby shower the whole point is to be showered with gifts. Clue is in the name. It is possible to have a nice meal or afternoon tea as a social event before the baby arrives without calling it a shower.

Baby showers in general are a bit bleurgh.

Not because they’re American- in the US there’s a whole culture and loads of etiquette around showers which mean everyone knows where they stand with gifts etc. They’re there to help financially when an American mother can’t rely on having paid maternity etc. Totally get why they have them.

In the UK? No. If you want to have a pre baby get together, grand, but calling it a shower sets a expectation that gifts are to be given when the culture here is to wait until baby is here safely.

If I go to a baby shower and take a gift, I don't buy another gift when the baby arrives, it's one or the other. I would spend the same amount on a baby shower gift as I would on a new baby gift.

At my Niece's baby shower all her gifts were small items like clothes, small toys, toiletries etc. The big stuff was bought as separate gifts from the Grandparents, close family and the parents themselves.

In America, aren't baby showers for subsequent babies called "baby sprinkles", you get a sprinkling of gifts for subsequent babies rather than a shower of them because you have all the big stuff already.

I have a lovely friend who organised my shower for my first. It was close friends and some family, less than 20 people tops including partners and children. I said there were to be no gifts, just a fun party and some silly games and a buffet when my friend asked what I would like. Inevitably some people did bring bits and bobs for the baby and it was all very thoughtful and I was very appreciative. I do wish whoever brought the norovirus hadn’t but you can’t win them all 😂😂.
This time around I’ve literally invited 5 of my closest friends for a lunch at mine, I just want to eat nice food and chat before I get engulfed in sleep deprivation, sore boobs and baby poo again. We already have all the baby stuff so I’m not expecting anything and have said so, they are close friends so I can be fairly blunt about it!
I think the typical ‘american’ (for want of a better word) baby shower is increasing in popularity and the expectation is getting higher which is bizarre, but I’ve seen it with other trends as well (what even is an engagement party?). Like people having big parties for the gender reveal?!?!
No judgement from me if that’s what you want, but I do agree they come off as a superficial gift grab if you invite 100 people and have an expensive gift list, especially for a second child.
I despise the term ‘sprinkle’ but I’m doing this little lunch because I feel guilty if I don’t do a similar thing for this baby that I did for the last.
Like a pp said, maybe it’s just my group of friends and family but I’ve never been to a big extravagant baby shower, but I’ve definitely seen them on social media. I’d go to one if invited and take an appropriate gift but I’d be totally fucked off if I was expected to bring something extravagant.
I was given an after birth fanny care kit a lovely friend assembled for me from bits and bobs from boots etc, and you would have to prise it from my cold dead hands before I swapped it for whatever the hell a wipe warmer is....

I'm due my first baby in March. I was really reluctant on the whole baby shower thing. My mums hosting me one at her house next month. I put a little note on the invites to not bring any gifts along, if they want to buy baby a gift to please wait until her safe arrival in March. I see it as more of a get together for me with my friends & family for some food, cake, laughs before baby arrives!

Meh. What is your problem? Attendance isn't compulsory. Are birthdays "grabby" too?

Don’t go. They are being grabby.

Friend did one when expecting second son a year after first son. With first son there were no presents for less than £30. And they have everything. Very very grabby.

@nicannie - that’s lovely! And to me that’s a true celebration! Enjoy!

Just you.
None of the baby showers I've been to have been grabby.
Its just a nice get together of friends to celebrate a pregnancy, because obviously the new mum is going to be quite busy after the arrival.
And if I want to buy a cute little outfit, then I will.

If you think its grabby, you are either doing it wrong or you don't like the person that much.

They’re there to help financially when an American mother can’t rely on having paid maternity etc.
But why is it the responsibility of family and friends to help financially? What if I myself am on unpaid maternity leave, would I still be expected to contribute to cover three costs of someone else's unpaid maternity leave. If you can't afford to buy stuff for a baby, don't have a baby! Dont have it anyway and guilt friends into paying for your choices.

@nicannie that is a baby shower. And if the guests want to buy a little outfit because baby clothes are adorable, then so be it. Its just a little get together of friends that are happy for you.