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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed MIL shared scan photo?

67 replies

Dav87 · 23/01/2020 22:14

Thinking it may help to get some opinions from people outside of the situation...

We had our 12 week scan yesterday and we were so happy to find out everything was looking good and our baby was looking healthy 😊
We bought 4 photos of the scan and I gave one to my mother in law today. I looked on Facebook after work and she had posted our scan photo, even though we haven’t told a lot of people yet, including a lot of DH’s family and friends.

We haven’t decided if we are posting anything on social media at all yet, and if we do I would like to be first to do this!

I feel upset, and that what should be a lovely day of sharing our news with our close friends and family has been overshadowed by this - me and DH have fallen out because he says she didn’t mean anything by it and she was just excited.

MIL says she didn’t realise she had posted it 🙄

Now I’m upset me and DH have argued, and not sure if I’m overreacting 😥 Sometimes these bloody pregnancy hormones make me irrational! Am I? x

OP posts:
MrsStrangerThing · 23/01/2020 22:16

No, yanbu! I would feel exactly the same. I am sure she didn't mean any harm and is just excited, but DH should ask her not to do anything like this again.

WombatStewForTea · 23/01/2020 22:18

I understand why you're upset but I think you should have been really clear that you didn't want the news sharing eventhough she should have known not to.

My DM is a pain for sharing everything on FB and was explicitly told when we told her I was pregnant that she was not to post anything. At all.

peachypetite · 23/01/2020 22:20

I would be livid. It’s one thing for her to have shared it privately with a couple of her friends but posting it online is outrageous.

Chocmallows · 23/01/2020 22:20

I think she has been thoughtless rather than mean, but I can completely see why you would feel disappointed about this. Can DH talk to her, but explain it from the situational perspective rather than make it personal...you aren't angry, but presumably don't want her sharing baby photos on social media from now on?

Foghead · 23/01/2020 22:21

This kind of thing can make you feel like public property so I don’t blame you for being upset.
It’s seems pregnant women often have to give up their rights to privacy Hmm
You know now not to share anything you want to keep private with her.

babybrain77 · 23/01/2020 22:22

YANBU - I dont think you should need to explicitly tell anyone not to post a scan picture on facebook. Surely it's common sense.

Whynosnowyet · 23/01/2020 22:22

Fore warned is fore armed so they say...
Now you know to keep anything you want kept private to yourselves.

AutumnCrow · 23/01/2020 22:24

I think your DH is being a bit of a twat tbh.

Your MIL is way out of order. Don't share anything again if they're going to be like this.

Ffs. That's your foetus. On social media. With neither your knowledge not consent. And such pathetic excuses.

Is he scared of her emotions?

Bluewater1 · 23/01/2020 22:25

I'd be so upset by this. It's your news to share

Sunshiness · 23/01/2020 22:25

You're not overreacting at all! I'd be furious!!! Shock

Whynosnowyet · 23/01/2020 22:28

Can you report it to fb?

Original poster
Dav87 · 23/01/2020 22:33

Thanks for the replies everyone 💕

@AutumnCrow I have no idea! His family are very different to mine, they never like to tell each other if they’re annoyed and always try to please each other - usually I let it go, but not this time!

Maybe I should have explicitly said not to share, but as PP said I didn’t think I’d need to. Certainly didn’t need to tell my own mother, who’s just as excited?!

I agree with everyone who’s said not to share anything again - you live and learn... it’s a shame!

Feeling a bit better now - guess it’s not the hormones after all 😊

OP posts:
Daftodil · 23/01/2020 22:36

MIL says she didn’t realise she had posted it

What?! This is nonsense.

I'd be really upset. She shouldn't have to be told not to post records from somebody else's private medical appointment online. If she was in any doubt, why didn't she ask your permission before posting?

NoSauce · 23/01/2020 22:36

She probably thought that because it wasn’t stipulated to not put the photo on FB that it was ok. It would have been better to tell her in the first place. No grey areas then.

ScrambledEggsOnToast1 · 23/01/2020 22:36

Id be furious too!! Not only has she shared your news that wasn't her's to share, she's posted a picture of your uterus without your knowledge or permission!!

You know she'll be announcing the birth with a picture of her and the baby unless you have words now!! When I was in hospital after having my first child the woman in the bed opposite was on the phone raging her mil had done just that. Not only announced the birth of the child but posted a pic of herself (the gran) and the baby!! I felt so sorry for the woman, she hadn't told anyone herself.

Sparkle2020 · 23/01/2020 22:38

I would be fuming! Make sure she’s not the first to get pics when little one is born!

Quirkyquichie · 23/01/2020 22:39

Yanbu i have no idea what goes through the minds of people that share your pregnancy before you do. Common sense says, if its not been posted already by the parents to be, then you don't post it for them. If it isn't your news, then it isn't your announcement.

Quirkyquichie · 23/01/2020 22:41

Agree with sparkle. Don't let her take pictures, or send them to her. She'll only announce the arrival, weight, gender and name before you've had chance to get the after birth out. She wont be able to contain herself

Quirkyquichie · 23/01/2020 22:44

Im pissed off on your behalf 😤

PenelopeFlintstone · 23/01/2020 22:49

MIL says she didn’t realise she had posted it
What?! This is nonsense
Not necessarily. I’ve got a cousin who kept sending me ‘messages’ on my page, not in the Message function. I had to change my settings so she couldn’t post there. She just couldn’t get it! She didn’t understand that everyone could read what she was writing. And she’s not stupid, just not on fb much.

7yo7yo · 23/01/2020 22:49

What a tool!
Has she deleted it now?

newbingepisodes · 23/01/2020 22:53

My sister did this! I told her we were expecting a baby - hasn't told anyone else (not even family at that point). She put on FB that she was going to be an auntie. And I got a string of messages off people asking why I hadn't told them! I'd only found out that day!

coconutpie · 23/01/2020 22:55

She is completely out of order and she wouldn't be getting any other scan photos from now on. Has she removed it from fb yet? You can also report the photo. What a twat - she didn't realise she posted it, yeah right, of course she knew what she was doing! Oh and your DH needs to cop the fuck on and be on your side regarding this, not her side.

Pinkfrangipani · 23/01/2020 22:55

My advice would be to make things as crystal clear as possible from now with regards to what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to social media.
We have had constant issues with In-laws posting photos of DS on social media. We don't do it. They know we don't want them to do it but there seems to be an obsession on their part to share photos. Personally I don't get it. I also don't understand why you would want to cause so much upset and anger within your own family.
Anyway, to recap make things clear and hopefully they will respect your wishes 🤞🏼

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2020 22:58

She put a photo of the inside of your body on a public forum. That’s absolutely outrageous.

She’ll be announcing your birth before you get a chance to if you don’t make it very clear how bang out of order she’s been, to her and your partner.