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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed MIL shared scan photo?

67 replies

Dav87 · 23/01/2020 22:14

Thinking it may help to get some opinions from people outside of the situation...

We had our 12 week scan yesterday and we were so happy to find out everything was looking good and our baby was looking healthy 😊
We bought 4 photos of the scan and I gave one to my mother in law today. I looked on Facebook after work and she had posted our scan photo, even though we haven’t told a lot of people yet, including a lot of DH’s family and friends.

We haven’t decided if we are posting anything on social media at all yet, and if we do I would like to be first to do this!

I feel upset, and that what should be a lovely day of sharing our news with our close friends and family has been overshadowed by this - me and DH have fallen out because he says she didn’t mean anything by it and she was just excited.

MIL says she didn’t realise she had posted it 🙄

Now I’m upset me and DH have argued, and not sure if I’m overreacting 😥 Sometimes these bloody pregnancy hormones make me irrational! Am I? x

OP posts:
Original poster
Dav87 · 23/01/2020 23:01

Thanks everyone.
Yes she has removed it now, DH rang her as soon as I saw it and told her to remove it - that’s when she said she didn’t know she had posted it... 🙄

I will definitely make it clear nothing else is to be posted or shared on social media, including details of the birth and photos of the baby when he/she arrives.

I agree with PPs about DH too, think I need to find a way to tell him to grow a pair! 😂

Thanks so much for all your kind replies, and for feeling my frustrations... MILs eh?!

X

OP posts:
pumpandthump · 23/01/2020 23:06

My best mate came to stay when I was 6 weeks and sick as a dog so I told her I was pregnant (and not to tell anyone else) I sent her a photo of the scan photo at 12 weeks but forgot to say to keep it quiet still. She showed her mum, who saw my parents in town and congratulated them etc. Except they did know! We were waiting to tell them in person (they live in another county). I was a bit pissed off but figured I was equally at fault for not being explicit.

Winterwoollies · 23/01/2020 23:09

Oh this would piss me off no end. She should have known it was not her news to share, it’s your news.

She’s an idiot and a thoughtless one at that. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to upset you, she’s just excited, but she has cocked up and she should apologise.

AutumnCrow · 23/01/2020 23:10

Ah it's all relatives, friends and humans, OP. You've just got to learn as you chug along with them ...

Daftodil · 23/01/2020 23:10

@newbingepisodes

My sister did this! I told her we were expecting a baby - hasn't told anyone else (not even family at that point). She put on FB that she was going to be an auntie. And I got a string of messages off people asking why I hadn't told them! I'd only found out that day!

Outrageous! How selfish of her Angry

PanamaPattie · 23/01/2020 23:19

She didn't realise she'd posted it but knew how to delete it? Yeah right. Now you know not to share a single thing with her about your pregnancy and baby.

mrbob · 23/01/2020 23:21

I have a friend who did similar about another mutual friends baby (among several other things including basically announcing someone else’s engagement on Facebook) All that happened was that she ends up being the last to know everything now because no one trusts her and nothing is a secret once she knows. Her loss!

Daftodil · 23/01/2020 23:33

OP, get your own back... when the baby is born tell MIL a fake name, sex, and weight so if she does post early she'll end up with egg on her face!

SleepWarrior · 23/01/2020 23:36

Was she mortified and apologetic when she realised that she had in fact posted it? That would decide how pissed off I was going to be about it!

But, in the grand scheme of things this is just a scan picture - it's flagged the issue of boundaries relating to your child and shown that you need to keep a v close eye and make your future wishes explicit every time.

chatwoo · 24/01/2020 00:08

Bullsh@t she didn't realise it had been posted Angry

salsmum · 24/01/2020 01:32

My DS and DIL rang me when they came out from their scan pic showing twins! I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and tell the whole world as I was so excited. They did request that I told nobody else until they had ( obviously I respected their wishes) I think you are NBU for being upset she shared the scan pic on fb but think in her heady, dizzy haze of hearing the news she probably just wanted to tell folks the good news. I expect she feels really bad now but I'm sure will make up for it in the future if you ever need a babysitter Wink

chester18 · 24/01/2020 23:59

I think it's a bit of a shame that she was so excited and didn't think she wasn't meant to tell anyone and now she's probably feeling really bad. Do you share Facebook friends? Could you not have just told your friends after the scan as well then it wouldn't have had to be a big deal?

Idontkowmyname · 25/01/2020 00:05

I’d be so pissed as well. Unless she’s cropped the image it will have your full name and date of birth on it. My mil told her siblings even although she was specifically asked not to. She still stands by the fact she did nothing wrong. Shot herself in the foot as we waited to tell her for subsequent dc.

RubyViolet · 25/01/2020 00:09

My brother in law revealed the baby name on Facebook before it was even agreed with my sister. They had narrowed it down to 2 and he announced his favourite as a done deal to the world whilst she was still in hospital. My sister was really upset but too embarrassed to tell him to delete it. I was so angry at him, l thought it was super controlling . They kept the name which is lovely and really suits my nephew and she ditched the husband within 2 years.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/01/2020 00:36

Could you not have just told your friends after the scan as well then it wouldn't have had to be a big deal?

Not everyone makes a big announcement straight after their 12 week scan. You shouldn’t have to in case a close relative you should be able to trust with something that’s personal jumps the gun and posts a photo of your uterus on a public forum. A lot of people never want their scan photos to go on bloody Facebook. I didn’t.

Not sure why you assume MIL feels really bad. She lied about knowing she’d done it. That’s the opposite of a heartfelt apology.

ActualHornist · 25/01/2020 01:17

Personally I think YABU.

She’s an excited grandmother-to-be. Back in the day the equivalent would be her telling all the strangers she meets as she walks to the shops and at the bingo or whatever.

I think some people are letting their clear hatred of their own MIL’s go to their heads. This isn’t an indication that she’ll trample all over your boundaries, it isn’t something she deserves punishing for, and while she was obviously lying when she said she didn’t know she posted it, I can kind of understand why she would say that - she was so excited and happy and then got bollocked.

I do also get that you’re upset, but please put it in perspective Flowers

AngeloMysterioso · 25/01/2020 01:31

My MIL did similar... we gave her and my DM as scan photo on Mother’s Day last year to tell them I was pregnant, and before my DM and I had even finished hugging MIL had whipped out her phone, taken a picture of the photo and sent it to BIL. So much for it being our news to share...

Morporkia · 25/01/2020 08:32

YANBU I ask my DD for her permission to post my own and if I can repost photos or vids she has put on her fb. There no way I would have posted a scan pic. Just because the scan has been fine, doesn’t mean to say you are ready for the world of social media to be informed. As for falling out with DH...he needs to get a grip and have your back. Ask him if he’d like your mum posting details of his medical conditions. With pics!

Morporkia · 25/01/2020 08:33

Oh and many congratulations x

Wilmalovescake · 25/01/2020 08:36

I think she was just excited for you, sorry. It’s quite sweet that she cares. You should have said if you didn’t want it sharing.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/01/2020 09:08

She's an excited Grandmother to be. She shared a scan photo of her future GS or GD. It's hardly akin to kicking a kitten or punching a puppy, is it. I don't think she meant any malice. Plus the picture is deleted now. What more do you want, a public crucifixion.
I think people are going way over the top here.

williams345 · 25/01/2020 09:11

YABU

Winterwoollies · 25/01/2020 10:26

Sorry, I don’t understand people defending her actions. She knew damn well what she’d done, lied about it and hasn’t apologised.

That’s not ok! I would be livid.

DobbyLovesSocks · 25/01/2020 10:44

Ah OP that's not nice. However in MIL's defence it is possible she has posted it without meaning to. My FIL tried to send me a photo via FB last year and he ended up setting it as his profile photo. I saw it as I happened to be scrolling thru fb and asked him why he had changed his photo (it wasn't a great photo) and he genuinely had no clue. He changed it and I had to talk him through how to send it to me in messenger.
I've also had a photo of mine shared on fb by my uncle who meant to click 'like'

She was thoughtless and just needs to be told not to share anything unless it comes from you first. I would be upset though - I was when an acquaintance happened to see my DH outside the maternity unit on the phone and overheard him announcing the arrival then 10 minutes later a congrats message appeared on my page. I hadn't even told my mum as she was at work (DS arrived early and caught us all unaware). I swiftly deleted it and once I was sure my parents and in-laws knew had to post a hasty 'baby has arrived' post

Mia1415 · 25/01/2020 11:20

In her defence she may have really not realised she had posted it. My Mum would do all sorts of silly things on Facebook because she really didn’t understand it. She’d post stuff instead of private messaging it and friend request people thinking they had requested her when they had just come up in the ‘people you may know’ bit.

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