Urgently need mantras and/or jedi mind trick self-talk to avoid being sucked into workplace drama

[Sockypuppet]

Because of my background I am the kind of person to jump in and help when I see a need.

Now I am in a senior professional role. I'm not management, but I have specialist work I'm responsible for.

In my small office, management are dropping the ball. This is causing confusion and frustration among staff. They come to me for solutions because real management literally not here. I have no standing to put any solutions in place. (If I did I'd put some PIP in place).

I've just so far pleasantly said, "Don't know, ask [manager]." I've set an example to other staff by quietly getting on with my own work and not picking up slack of others' jobs. (Invoices not getting paid? Oh dear, I don't have authority to sign checks so here's the direct contact for [manager].)

I've got an appointment booked with manager to discuss.

But in the meantime staff are coming to me with conflicts like "Janey needs to do the post like this.. What about this big client with a deadline "?

The thing is, it's all way above my remit and pay grade. But I like these people and want to help.

I suspect management want me to be a sort of deputy/team lead for no payrise, which no.

But I need some stockphrases to keep from getting sucked in.

Just now I literally had a staff member come in my office like, "There's no one in reception!" I have no idea. I don't manage anyone here. I asked her to text Manager directly.

Put a note on door saying your in a meeting do not disturb 😂

I have a meeting with manager scheduled next week. But need survival strategies for now!

I’m so sorry, you’ll need to speak to the manager

‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’ worked well for me

Just be honest and say it's not in your remit, you're not a manager so you can't help.

Because of my background I am the kind of person to jump in and help when I see a need

You need to get that under control, quick smart.

It's only work. Unless you're a paramedic or something, no one will die if you stick up some boundaries. Feel the power of a shrug and a 'bovvered?'

“Oh dear. Perhaps you could email about that”

Don’t get involved beyond that, not your problem.

And “I need to get on with xyz now”

Unless you think the useless management is actively telling people to ask you to help them, It sounds more like people are coming to you for a moan rather than for a solution. I would just respond to their comments with sympathetic noises rather than feeling like they are asking you to actually do anything. You need to change your mindset of how you respond and stop yourself leaping in to solve the problem.

I often imagine how people on MN would respond. They obviously are on the anonymous internet so cannot leap in to solve your problems, so they will be straightforward. "Go speak to your manager". "Sorry to hear that, I'm sure the reception's manager will have to sort that" etc.

Eg "there's no one on reception" you are interpreting that as having an invisible "you need to get someone on reception!" Instead, treat it as a statement of fact and respond "huh, well I'm sure they'll be back soon" or "Manager will have to sort that out"

Eg "this project isn't getting done and jane is slacking" you are interpreting "and you need to help do it and sort Jane out". Instead just say "you'll have to speak to your manager about that"

I'm in the same position OP. If you figure something out, let me know what it is.

“That must be very frustrating for you ... excuse me I must get back to this - deadline approaching.”

'What do you think will sort this out'?, 'Who can help you with that'?

Coach rather than sort?

Op before you speak to your manager think through what you wish to happen. Do you want to be a lead if uou get a pay rise?

Or do you wish to just focus on your current role.

Decide your preference and then your reasons why.

I'd also ask though, is the company in trouble?

Keep doing what you’re already doing: tell them they need to refer this to the relevant manger.

If management are dropping the ball, let them. If you make everythin your problem not only will every issue get dumped on your doorstep to solve, and you will be between a rock and a hard place with regards taking on the responsibility without the ability to remedy, but you will cop the blame when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

I agree with the comment up thread that you need to knock your inclination to step in on the head. Pronto!

Manager, not manger! Although maybe a manger would be more useful than your current managers

That sounds frustrating. You just need to constantly bat it back with a stock phrase- you need to raise that with your manager.

These people are being paid to manage, they need to actually do some management.

Don’t fill the gap they’re leaving.

"Sorry - sorting that is above my pay grade. I've got the manager's contact details, if that would help."

See I'm the sort who couldn't let things go to shit if I could help it. I know I'm not alone. If you can resolve any of the issues I would do it. And I would document it! Then take those examples to your boss and demand a pay rise to cover your new duties. Show team working, initiative, forward thinking etc etc. And if it comes to nothing look for a new job armed with all those superb examples your skills and work ethic. To be honest I just get annoyed by people who sit there and say not my job not my problem

I am the same as you @supadupapupascupa but in reality no one ever gets rewarded for doing someone else's job.

It's more a case of "No good deed goes unpunished"

Are the managers men? Is reception perceived to be your remit because you are a woman?

"I don't have a mandate to do that"
"This is X's responsibility you will need to speak to.him/her"

"I am not the manager you are looking for" Then do a swirly thing with your hands towards their face.

The classic SEP... Someone Else’s Problem. I think the coaching approach, “oh, who is responsible for that?, can you report it to them?” Works well. I had this years ago, and had to really coach my colleagues to find the solutions or the PTC, person that can and get them to sort the problem.

in reality no one ever gets rewarded for doing someone else's job

Disagree with this - I spent 2 years as an unofficial referral point for the most complex cases and awkward clients at work because our immediate manager was shit. It was frustrating at times and it was tempting to tell people to approach the person two desks away who actually got paid to deal with that shit.

I applied for the next manager role that came up and got it with ease after working my example led question all around the extra work i’d done. So I’m glad I just cracked on with it now and I don’t think I would have been in the running without that.

Don't manage - coach them. You don't get paid for the responsibility for approvals.