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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to be around next week when DD starts school..

90 replies

MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 08:31

I've spent all summer 'reminding' dh of the date of dd's first week at school. She starts on Tuesday and does half days for the first week. Just spoke to him and he 'may' be able to go into work late on Tues - but that's it. I thought he would have a couple of half days or even take a day off to help/provide support. He has lots of annual leave left and has a fairly flexible boss. AIBU to expect him to around given ?

OP posts:
FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:48

G'wan... put DS down for a nap, and morning sex

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 12:48

Good!

Original poster
MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 12:51

FB - now you'r mentioned it that does sound like a good idea (and much more exciting than calling the grandparents to tell them how DD got on at school)! Note to self - get legs waxed and check if any 'protection' in the house before DD starts school.

OP posts:
FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:59
Grin
Wakeuppeople · 31/08/2007 13:07

Unfortunately it would seem that in society today it is far more important for DH not to miss a day at work...which he goes to every day, then the milestone of DD going to school on her first day, which will only happen once in her lifetime....

I think we have all got our priorities wrong in this country.

Family first
Job Second

islandofsodor · 31/08/2007 13:11

YABU

My dh is a teacher. He can't pick and chose his days off though by pure luck dd started school 1 day earlier than he did

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 13:16

But the OP's DH isn't a teacher. And he can (and is) taking time off.

Is it really being unreasonable to ask someone who can take time off to do so just because there are others who can't?

LIZS · 31/08/2007 13:16

I think it is unusual for both parents to be there tbh . If they are it looks a bit precious. The logistics of the cloakroom and classroom tend to be rather chaotic and too many adults makes it overcrowded and more frenzied.

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 13:17

School concerts etc I do feel are important... first day at school less so for some reason.

I didn't understand the woman who missed the 3rd child's first solids either though - the activities they will be doing every day for many years don't tend to excite me so much.

I had a memory book thing for DD, but realised I was meant to take photos of first time in big cot, first time in highchair etc, and it dawned on me that those things just weren't so important to me.

Yes, I will well up, but more because she suddenly seems so grown up rather than it being her "first"

mm22bys · 31/08/2007 13:33

I certainly don't remember having both parents with me when I first started school, but I did have photos taken (first uniform and all that).

Same when DS1 started nursery, I don't think we were both there for his first day.

What's more important than being there on the first day is if he'll be able to help with the drop-offs and pick-ups. I got over them VERY quickly!

Judy1234 · 31/08/2007 13:47

It is very very rare for both parents to be there. I think that makes it out into too big a thing for the child and could in fact be wrong, worse for the child actually, more pressure, making it into a bigger thing than it is. We normally had one of us there.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:30

Incidentally, after I had consulted MNers about how to tell my partner that I didn't want him coming along on my daughter's first day of school, when I received the info on her first day I found that she has to go to school at 10.30 am - I suspect that has something to do with discouraging too many parents from being there

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 14:32

Would you want to miss it though Anna? Would you be happy for dp to take her on his own?

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:35

The issue isn't about me it's about my daughter. She has been at home with me for the past 2.10 years and is quite used to doing all sorts of things with me while her father is at the office. If she suddenly got taken off to school and left and saw her father and I going off without her we would have hysterics as she doesn't like being left out of a good time . If her father had been a SAHD, then he'd be the one taking her to school on the first day, without me.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:36

her father and me

Dinosaur · 31/08/2007 14:38

Well, it's whatever suits you best, isn't it?

I am a WOHM married to a SAHD, but I did do DS2's first day at school (not with DH).

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 14:40

Ah. Lucky for us DS is so laid back then really . And used to having us both around for the big occasions. And I don't think only one of us going would have kidded him that it wasn't a big occasion.

We were spare parts of course. Completely superfluous .

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:41

Dino - that would be my second option - him without me. The worst scenario, the one I truly want to avoid, is us both taking her to school on the first day.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:44

Tellus - actually, I don't think it is a big occasion at all, I'm totally unfazed by her going to school. And I want her to be unfazed too

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 14:47

I felt the same with the start of pre school (when they were the same age as your dd). But somehow school was different. It was exciting. Ds was excited. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 14:49

But I don't think there is one right way of doing things. Children vary. And therefore so should arrangements. Obviously.

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 14:51

Here it's all one and the same - three years of école maternelle and five years of primary, but all under one headmistress in the same establishment. And in fact uniform is worn in the first three years of maternelle and first year of primary, and then there's a sort of break point - they've learnt to read and write, they take off their uniform etc. So this is "it" next week.

ScoobyDooooo · 31/08/2007 14:51

My ds is starting school on wednesday & i will not be expecting dp to take time of work for this, i also have a dd who is 19 months

Caroline1852 · 31/08/2007 14:54

Anna - how old is your DD and when is she starting school?

Anna8888 · 31/08/2007 15:02

She's 2.10 and she's starting a week today.

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