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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to be around next week when DD starts school..

90 replies

MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 08:31

I've spent all summer 'reminding' dh of the date of dd's first week at school. She starts on Tuesday and does half days for the first week. Just spoke to him and he 'may' be able to go into work late on Tues - but that's it. I thought he would have a couple of half days or even take a day off to help/provide support. He has lots of annual leave left and has a fairly flexible boss. AIBU to expect him to around given ?

OP posts:
Fireflyfairy2 · 31/08/2007 11:01

There were no dads at the gates when dd started. It was mostly mothers dropping their children off & being shooed away by the primary teachers!

tribpot · 31/08/2007 11:08

Actually I wouldn't dream of missing ds' first morning at school (bearing in mind he's 2! So not actually going for a while ... ). Dh is a SAHD but I wouldn't miss it.

wheresthehamster · 31/08/2007 11:21

I think I would save insisting on him being there for the more important things - concerts,assemblies,sports days etc.

By the time they start school, and I presume you mean Reception, they have already had their first day at pre-school, first day at school nursery etc that it doesn't seem a big thing anyway.

Having said that I ALWAYS have a photo on the front doorstep of them going off to their new school be it infants, juniors or seniors. They look so grown up and the uniform NEVER looks so good again!

OrmIrian · 31/08/2007 11:22

Oh god yes!! All the other things that you need (and want) to attend make it very dificult . DH and I almost never go to anything together. We have to take it in turns to take time off.

unknownrebelbang · 31/08/2007 11:23

I don't think it's unreasonable for both parents to take a child to school on their first day, if both parents are available.

Everyone has different ideas though, and obviously some parents are unable to do this.

And you do have to let DH know that this is what you want, not just leave it for him to guess at what you want.

McDreamy · 31/08/2007 11:33

Think you are a bit! If he was already off I would expect him to come along and not have arranged something social but not if he's working.

DH is in the UK (on business) when DD starts school the week after but that's life! He's gutted but accepts that's the way it goes.

Good luck for your DD

twinsetandpearls · 31/08/2007 11:35

I don;t think you are being unreasonable, dp took a week of when dd started school, but my dp is very hands on with dd.

eleusis · 31/08/2007 11:44

Well, I am rather the opposite of you. I book a holiday for DH and myself not even thinking it could be the first week of school. And the school had not yet told me when school started. And, oops, now DH and I are going away without the kids and she'll start school with the nanny. I do feel bad about it. Dh isn't bothered, but he isn't teling his mother because she disapproves of us going away without the kids in the first place.

But, I'm not cancelling my holiday. So it is what it is.

Also, she went to the nursery at the school last year so it's not really her first ever day at the school.

But, even if we were home, neither one of us would be taking a day or two of holiday to take her to/from school. I'd probably go in late on the first day, but that's it. And DH would probably join me. But neither one of us is going to get too upset about it.

sunflowervalley · 31/08/2007 11:54

MillieMummy-I can understand your apprehension.
I was hoping DH would be around for moral support as have no family nearby to call upon.

I for one am getting very anxious about next week.

My DH is going away on business to Russia on Saturday for 3 weeks and the timimg is awful but can't be helped.

DS has anxirty issues re school and is going into year 2 and we are in the middle of applying for a statement.

DD is starting reception and has already told me she wants me to stay with her at school.

So am setting myself up to be calm and not stressed on the day and beforehand .

Have you got another family member nearby to come with you on the first day?

themoon66 · 31/08/2007 11:59

I remember taking DD for her first day on my own as DH was working 150 miles away. I had only come out of hospital after giving birth to DS 5 days before too.

It was no big deal.

Pollyanna · 31/08/2007 12:03

dh will just go in later on dd2s first day at school in a couple of weeks. I don't remember him being there at all for my ds and dd1s first day at school.

I am "working at home" on her first day at school but am not taking any extra time off work.

I think it is the biggest deal for the mother tbh, ime the children settle in very quickly and don't need both parents around for support. I agree with the post below that says save the time off for parents evenings (that start at 3), nativity plays, class assemblies and the like.

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:09

Baffled by this thread...

Seriously? People's husbands take time off work for the first day of school??

DD's first day is next Friday. I have no idea how she will react as it will swing one way or the other (mild AS) - I think she will just be delighted to be going back to it tbh (as in a school environment like preschool, she's missed the routine).

A 10 month old is easy, still of an age where they can stay in a sleepsuit til you get home, shove em in a pushchair or a sling, happy.

DS is 18 months, gone very attached to his sister and will most likely sob as she walks away

It could be hell, it could be fine - but I am perfectly capable of doing it by myself, there are much better things to change work for!!!

ProfYaffle · 31/08/2007 12:11

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your dh to be there. dd1 doesn't start til next year but I know dh will take a day or two off if he can for her first day. It is best to spell these things out though, rather than hinting.

twinsetandpearls · 31/08/2007 12:12

I suppose it just depends on the dp/dh.

Dp wanted to be there and dd wanted to be there and she was on half day ther first day. The same week was also my first week back at school with an increased working week and do just thought it would be nice if I came home to a cooked tea and tidy house and could relax at work knowing that if something was wrong at school he could deal with it. Because I work such long hours dp neing at home meant that dd did not need to go to breakfast or after school club which may have been a bit much in her first week.

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 12:15

Well, of course I could have done it by myself

But DH wanted to be there.

He wanted to see his boy start school.

As did I.

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:18

DH wanting to be there is an entirely different thing - this DH doesn't particularly mind either way by the looks of it. She has said she wants support.

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 12:22

I can't remember any support being required really. I wasn't overly emotional about it all.

KerryMum · 31/08/2007 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:25

Not that is something to be pissed off about!

I can see me getting a smidge emotional (I welled up trying her bloody uniform on her )... I have plans for coffee in town with 2 other mums

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:25

NOW not not!

KerryMum · 31/08/2007 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TellusMater · 31/08/2007 12:29

Well obviously I had the odd moment

hana · 31/08/2007 12:30

i was glad that dh was there for dd's first day at school - but bit of an anticlimax really......he was off on paternity leave anyway at the time, we had a lovely breakfast on the river after we dropped her off!

FlameBatfink · 31/08/2007 12:34

I was thinking that one pro would be morning sex

KM - I feel sure he does!

Original poster
MillieMummy · 31/08/2007 12:47

Thanks for all the responses - this is what I love mumsnet for. I guess I was shocked that he didn't appear to want to be invovled - which was strange as he is usually Mr Hands-on-dad and has lots of annual leave left. The good news is though he just called and said he has booked some time off. Good job that I sent a AIBU to mumsnet rather than the e.mail I was going to send to him - phew !

OP posts: