EW and CMS

[kitchen123]

NC for this as could be outing.

DH has two children. One in junior and one in senior school. I get along really well with them and exchange pleasantries every time I've seen his EW.

Things has got bad between DH and his EW and they haven't spoke for months, only email.

EW went to CMS to recalculate the CM as she wanted more. DH provided documents and CMS reduced his payment significantly. Turns out he was massively overpaying and they told him to reduce. He decided to reduce as EW was being extremely difficult and was threatening him with all sorts of legal action / reporting him to HMRC (false allegations). He asked her to stop, she didn't so got the solicitor involved.

EW is now preventing DH from taking children away on holiday but still allows contact EOWend. EW tells children they could go away with EH but then changed her mind when he went to double check with her. EW tells kids EX isn't paying the right amount of CM (he is, but it's not the high amount she wants). FYI no access order in place.

EW now threatening she will lose house as can't afford it but has somehow managed to book two week villa holiday and tickets to an expensive event, all in the space of the last few weeks.

I will support DH but want to be fair too.

EW works and EH wants to actively
have DSC more, without the threat of reducing the CM she would receive.

What advice would you give? He does listen to my opinion.

Thanks

When you say the payments have significantly reduced, how much do you mean?

@goingoverground reduced by £200 pcm

Is even less in the best interests to be told they can go then no they can't as they are used as tools in a game .. just takes away any doubt and keeps things consistent for children

I'm struggling to understand why any mother would deny their children a lovely holiday with their father (and me!).
The holiday was intended to be a child centric holiday too. Not one that DH and I would pick if it were just the two of us. It would be fully geared towards stuff they enjoy doing.
Such a shame, it does make me a tad angry

500 to 300 is a big drop % wise. They'll be lots of posters saying that's a huge amount and they get nothing but in the ex's shoes that could be significantly impacting her finances, especially if it was done at short notice. I think communication is v important here. Also, if he can afford the £500 and as a couple you are very comfortable, why not just be the bigger people and keep it as is? She is doing the majority of day to day care which impacts her earning potential and generally quality of life. If it means she can breathe a little easier, and you can manage it without a problem, why not leave it?

Sorry, meant to say she's being a dick about the holiday though!

As long as he is paying the correct amount through cms, and being consistent regarding the children she can complain as much as she likes.

It's awful when parents use the kids as pawns and if she is doing this by mentioning things to them, there's sadly little you can do. Shame for them

My daughter's father has got out of paying nothing for his daughter so I commend parents who put their children's interests first.

Can’t understand what the woman’s problem is. Her children’s father was paying way over the CMS minimum plus paying for half of clothes/school trips/activities, paying for mobiles and pockets money also... and yet she’s still attacking him and looking for more? Whatever planet she’s on, it’s not this one anyway.

Must be planet greedy. She had a really good deal before and still wanted more.

It's awful when parents use the kids as pawns

You mean just like the father has done playing tit for tat games with finances?

You mean just like the father has done playing tit for tat games with finances?

He needs that money to pay for solicitors now because of this woman’s selfish actions.

@HugeAckmansWife I am comfortable he isn't that comfortable

Mmmmmm. Why would she threaten to dob him into the HMRC unless she had a fair idea of how much he is earning?! Or has he reduced his income so he doesn't have to pay as much CMS. 🤔

At the end of the day I wouldn't do as the EW has done and reduce contact because the payments have reduced, if the amount is agreed with cms and is correct.

Even though ex does not pay any maintenance I would not punish my child by cutting contact with her father.

To me that is playing games, the children should not be in involved because of this.

It was to do with another issue. I can't say as it would be outing but I am 100% sure the 'interest' has nothing to do with her and earns him a very small monthly income

In the eyes of the law aren't contact and maintenance considered to be separate issues?

I agree op, if she is deliberately messing the children around with contact to cause difficulties, she is putting her children last sadly

I'm surprised at the EW behaviour tbh but still interested in hearing what peoples experience has been of the mediation / court approach. I'd rather not enter into this without hearing real life experiences

Ultimately you should protect your own financial assets and encourage him to meet his financial responsibilities. Also, I don't believe this rhetoric he over paid, now he is meeting the MINIMUM requirement, EW is unreasonable with holding contact....It just all seems a bit off to be honest.

@Blanca87 he overpaid. CMS told him to stop paying, he thought this unreasonable so reduced instead.
Think approach of looking at financials on paper of the parents is a good and fairer approach, so long as EW agrees to provide this info.
How do you ensure it is 100% accurate too?

Signing off for a bit now as off to a meeting but will check back later for responses. Thanks all

Think approach of looking at financials on paper of the parents is a good and fairer approach, so long as EW agrees to provide this info.
How do you ensure it is 100% accurate too?

Why would you get into that game with her? Her income is completely irrelevant to his maintenance payments

Pay what he should through CMS. Then make an agreement that he’s happy with for extra things that he’ll cover, bearing in mind that CMS is the legal minimum

CMS is the bare legal minimum and quite frankly a laughable amount compared to the actual reality of the costs of raising children.

If he could afford the previous higher payments why has he reduced it? Why does he want his children to suffer?

No. He absolutely did not overpay. And stopping payment would only be whilst the CMS did their thing.

So you expect his ex to work around his irregular work patterns?

According to the details OP has posted her DH seems to acting in a very fair and responsible way. But still someone has to turn themselves inside out to find a reason to post a nasty comment. 🙄

I really doubt the CMS advised him to reduce or stop paying maintenance. Are you sure the £300 is the amount they advised? My ex is on a similar income and is supposed to pay £371 for 1 child that he has EOW