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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this CFery?- Kids birthday presents

44 replies

shoebedobedobedobedoo · 22/01/2020 09:17

DS going to a 7th birthday party. Just got a group text from the birthday child’s mum giving her bank details for us to transfer money in lieu of a gift if we want ‘but it’s fine if you want to do something else’ (no option not to give a gift!) I have often given money before, and I often text a parent asking for gift ideas or if they would prefer money, but I’m a bit taken aback at such an upfront group request requesting a bank transfer into her account, which will no doubt cover the cost of the party. I think I’d mind less if the mum had specified a gift that the child was saving for, but it’s just ‘here are my bank details to transfer money’......the child isn’t even going to get a £10 note in a card so how can they be taught gratitude when they don’t have anything to see.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/01/2020 09:19

I'd message back saying that you've already bought a gift. Then give whatever present you were going to get anyway.

Gatehouse77 · 22/01/2020 09:20

No way I'd be transferring into a parent's account. (I'd be cynical about the child getting the money if that's how they choose to conduct themselves.)

Cash in a card or a gift. And no response to the text.

MarthasGinYard · 22/01/2020 09:21

Dreadful

I wouldn't even reply just take gift or voucher as planned

GinDaddy · 22/01/2020 09:22

@formerbabe has it - you've already bought a gift - so no need to spend twice. Good plan.

elQuintoConyo · 22/01/2020 09:24

Buy a gift, £5 max.

I don't accept party invites from those I think are cheeky fuckers. DS has lots of friends and invites, missing one party is no biggy.

Reginabambina · 22/01/2020 09:32

Doesn’t ‘but it’s fine if you want to do something else’ include bringing a gift?

Namechangeforthis123 · 22/01/2020 09:33

I'd text 'No worries, I've already sorted it' then I'd stick a fiver in a card. Cheeky bleeder.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 22/01/2020 09:34

Yep , she is a CF. No way would I put money into a parent’s bank account. Absolutely no way would it be spent on the child.

Ozgirl75 · 22/01/2020 09:34

Very cheeky.
My kids are now 7 and 9 and we have a nice system where the birthday parent speaks to one parent (normally a friend) about a possible group gift that the child would like, and that parent organises it with anyone who fancies contributing. No pressure to contribute but it works fine. Meant my child got a cool big Lego set that he had coveted for ages for his birthday and 5 parents didn’t have to think about presents!

NoSauce · 22/01/2020 09:37

What’s the difference between transferring money into her account and sending it in a card? She could pocket both.

I’d just send a present personally.

Quartz2208 · 22/01/2020 09:41

is there ever an actual option to not bring a gift to a 7 year old birthday party.

Just take your gift she has clearly said that is fine. But on the other side giving money often means the child gets what they want?

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 09:45

CFer to ask for it to be transferred to her account. I'd take a gift.

BillHadersNewWife · 22/01/2020 09:49

My kids are now 7 and 9 and we have a nice system where the birthday parent speaks to one parent (normally a friend) about a possible group gift that the child would like, and that parent organises it with anyone who fancies contributing. No pressure to contribute but it works fine. Meant my child got a cool big Lego set that he had coveted for ages for his birthday and 5 parents didn’t have to think about presents!

This seems odd. A bit random...what about the parents who aren't friends with the other class parents?

inwood · 22/01/2020 09:51

I'd ignore and get a present. She'd probably nab the cash out of a card.

misspiggy19 · 22/01/2020 09:52

I like @Ozgirl75 idea of a big joint present

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/01/2020 09:54

Serious CF!!!
Out of interest do the bank details include the name on the account- is it her child's name or hers?

Northernsoulgirl45 · 22/01/2020 09:56

I would buy a gift or give a gift card. Not even cash as child might not get it.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/01/2020 09:57

I wouldn't do it but don't actually see it as a massive issue. On my bank account there's a separate pot for DD so just saves the mom depositing the money at the bank, surely?

Your comment of 'no option not to give a gift' is weird.
At 7 years old they're old enough to understand "oh Tommy's mom has put £10 into your bank for you."

Dailyjunglegrind · 22/01/2020 09:59

Its v grabby... feel sad for the child. gift card or cash or random present appropriate for the child.

Ozgirl75 · 22/01/2020 10:00

We all know each other so it works fine - it’s a small school. Some contribute, some don’t. This is the real world where people just get on, not mumsnet where everyone takes offence at everything!

RicketyClickety · 22/01/2020 10:11

Sounds fine to me. The child can get a nice gift that they really want, but you can give you own gift if you have a good idea or prefer to. And for those who can't afford a gift, there isn't the embarrassment for their child of turning up without one. Sounds like you'd prefer to give a gift, so just do that.

MirandaGoshawk · 22/01/2020 10:21

Wow. Just wow. 'Please put money into my bank account instead of buying my kid plastic tat?' Well, it might be something we'd all like to say, but to actually say it...!

'Sorry, I've already bought something' seems to cover it.

SoupDragon · 22/01/2020 10:31

It's a bit, um, crass I guess. I don't think it's fair that the child doesn't even get the joy of cash in the card.

no option not to give a gift

Who goes to a 7 year old's party and doesn't give a gift??

okiedokieme · 22/01/2020 10:33

The "something else " is bring a gift or whatever - no unreasonable to me

BrutusMcDogface · 22/01/2020 10:33

Breathtakingly rude!!

We also often do a joint gift from a group of us; works perfectly!