Or is this CFery?- Kids birthday presents

[shoebedobedobedobedoo]

DS going to a 7th birthday party. Just got a group text from the birthday child’s mum giving her bank details for us to transfer money in lieu of a gift if we want ‘but it’s fine if you want to do something else’ (no option not to give a gift!) I have often given money before, and I often text a parent asking for gift ideas or if they would prefer money, but I’m a bit taken aback at such an upfront group request requesting a bank transfer into her account, which will no doubt cover the cost of the party. I think I’d mind less if the mum had specified a gift that the child was saving for, but it’s just ‘here are my bank details to transfer money’......the child isn’t even going to get a £10 note in a card so how can they be taught gratitude when they don’t have anything to see.

I'd ignore it and give a book

We all know each other so it works fine - it’s a small school. Some contribute, some don’t. This is the real world where people just get on, not mumsnet where everyone takes offence at everything!

@Ozgirl75 this is one of the best things I've read on MN in ages. So very, very well said, and so very, very true.

Please buy the messiest toy you can find 😬

Was the account in the name of her DS? This is CF-ery and grabby, but I'd be interested to know HOW cheeky...

If the account a saving account for her DS IN HIS NAME, it's 1% less grabby.

I would honestly reply:

'Blimey! Not had that one before. Sorry - I'm old school, and I think seven year olds want to open presents, not check through bank statements. It'll be a small gift from us. See you next week."

In my youngest's class we have a rule that rather than 20 odd presents (32 kids in the class) you just put a fiver in a card. Which the kids do enjoy, but TBH, finding the fivers (I never seem to have fivers) and then as the parent of the birthday children, keeping hold of them in the chaos of 25 6 year olds running around, I do see that transferring the money would be a darn site easier.

Having said that, DS2 still has his birthday money in a cashbox and likes to look at it and count it occasionally.. money in a bank account doesn't have that appeal.

Class parties are tricky, gift wise. My DD had one last year and we invited around 25 kids. I was hoping some wouldn’t bring gifts or would bring cash instead, because she does not need that much stuff. However, I would never think it polite to ask people to give cash, so she did end up with lots of stuff and quite a few duplicate items. Personally, I think it’s a bit rude to direct guests in any way for a child’s birthday party - even saying no gifts is awkward because kids want to bring their friends a gift and as a parent I know the effort and expense of putting on a party and I like to give a token to show my thanks for the invite.

Asking for a bank transfer is the rudest thing I’ve heard of though - not the way to tackle this problem at all!

Yeah this is well off - it's clear the mum is just trying to recoup the cost of the party. If she wanted to do that she could have just swiped the money out of the cards and made it less obvious

DD has her own bank account (Nimbl) , so her Amazon wish list along with the link to her private account (which allows the person to send a message with a cash gift) is sent to relatives who request if for birthday/ Christmas. I wouldn't dream of sending it to a group chat or her peers parents, unless specifically asked.

Definite CF'ery

@SlightlyJaded but there's no need for a shitty response. She was just giving it as an option.

I wonder if her 7 year old agreed to this hmm

Unless they agreed it's presents or party? Is it a really big expensive activity party? Even so you don't book it then ask the other parents to pay!

I'm skint constantly but trying to save at least £20 a month towards both my boys parties/presents - both in July. Both parties will be bowling this year as the place near me does a good deal and it's close to the school/good access for parents.

Mine's 7 too and for his last party (one of his best friends) which was right after Christmas, we did a waterstones giftcard so she could go in and choose her own when she wanted. We love going into waterstones, it's all cosy and colourful and lovely Her mum thanked me massively saying it was so thoughtful and she'll love choosing her book in half term.

I'd do this and put it in her card.

I think it's a good idea. Combining all the fivers to buy the child something she wants. Makes no difference if its cash in a card or in the bank account. FYI it has to be the parents account, if it went into the childs then they wouldnt be able to withdraw it for a gift.

I try me best to get a gift that the child will like whenever possible. I know of someone from my childhood whose parents would take any money from birthday cards to pay for the party so I prefer to give a toy/book.

However, for a party last year the invite stated the birthday boy was saving for a ipad if we wanted to give cash (cant remember exact wording but was perfectly polite) so I gave cash in the card for him. his mam did a facebook post of him with his ipad a few days later saying thank you to everyone who contributed and that he was very grateful.

I can understand they might not want toys that he doesn't ever play with or he even has enough toys but I could never in my life ask for money to be transfered, tbh I couldn't ask for money!

Grateful for any gift received, wouldn't have the cheek to stick my bank account details in a group.

I'm happy to put a bank note in a card especially if it's a child who I know less. I have suffered the pain of all 29 children in the class accepting the invitation and basically haven't seen the playroom floor since as Toys R Us was shutting down and we ended up getting half their sale stock

Sending bank details is cheeky fuckery. At least cash is tangible for the child and they can still put it towards a bigger present.

Could reply,oh I'm sorry I did realize we had to pay for the party bags,how much do you need?😁

@MirandaGoshawk.....made me laugh out loud! Yes I feel like that too!

Thanks for all the replies. More than happy to give money (although never had the nerve to ask myself) just not into a parents bank account. Getting thank yous done is hard enough without trying to get a child say thank you for something they haven’t seen!!!

keeping hold of them in the chaos of 25 6 year olds running around, I do see that transferring the money would be a darn site easier.

In Ds class group of 20 kids, we do 'no more than fiver' too, so most would put a fiver in a card. However kids never open cards at the party. They are all brought home and opened then. Parents would generally send a thank you text afterwards. No way would I allow Ds to open 20 cards during the party

I would never mention presents...

This really is CF

Very cheeky and grasping and I certainly wouldn’t doing it. The gift is meant for the child not the parents bank account.

Just reinforces why we don’t gift cash or vouchers to children anymore. Too many posts on MN of the parents seeing it as their cash.