To ask have you ever complained to your child’s school and why?

[Hardymonica]

I hate doing it but I’ve had two issues in one week (unusual for me) and I just feel so uncomfortable doing it. I always think they’re all talking about me in the staff room as a trouble maker or over protective parent!! Just want a bit of reassurance I’m not the only one who’s had to do it!

Yes. Think about what you want to achieve. Don’t rant and give school chance to fix the problem.

Depends what the 'issues' are I guess?

I'm not sure I've ever actually 'complained'.

I did have a discussion with a primary HT regarding how my DD's photo had appeared in local paper (photographer screwed up, but school tightened its procedures). I also sent a mild 'how are you going to stop this happening again' to secondary when DD was accidentally locked in the changing rooms for PE.

I think complaining to schools needs to be kept for when there is no alternative.

Our school have had some pretty ‘controversial’ people in to speak and I haven’t seen ‘the other side’ given a chance to speak either.

But then if I complain I’d look like a raging bigot by today’s standards.

As a school, we don't mind parents discussing issues with us. An open discussion where you can say what happened and why this is an issue and we work together to solve it.
We aren't so happy about parents coming in, laying down the law, shouting and threatening violence.
It's all about the attitude!

Yes, frequently regarding my ds who has sen.
Never needed to regarding my dd.

Best to be factual and don't rant or cry.

Yes I have had to write to the school with concern. I had tried speaking to the teacher about the situation a few times and she understood our concerns but couldn't do much. Letter prompted more of a response.

Yes, after an awful parents evening when the teacher basically said DS was going to achieve nothing and be depressed for the rest of his life. I left in tears.

We complained the next morning, many many apologies were given, the way parents evening's are run was changed.

The best outcome, tho not due to my complaint, was that the teacher retired and was gone by the end of term. Not had any issues since (hadn't had any before her either)

Usually it's better to present yourself as being concerned about an issue and wanting to work with the school to ensure the best outcome...

By which I mean play the game, you usually get better outcomes if you pretend to believe that the school wants to go the extra mile to ensure the absolute best for all...

However occasionally you have to complain and be prepared to take a complaint through official channels, in which case you have to be well prepared with evidence and clear thinking and keep a written/ email record.

I’ve been in for a chat plenty of times at my dc’s school. I always try and keep it really friendly and start with a positive statement before going in to what the problem is. So far I have managed to keep pretty friendly relations with all the teachers. To be fair it is a good school and they always try to be approachable and helpful when there are issues.

Think about it less as complaining and more about raising queries or concerns.

If someone has a query or a concern and they raise it appropriately and politely with the relevant person/people then there'll be no issue. Very very few (I'd like to say nobody but there's a small number in any profession) members of staff would ever view a parent negatively if they're behaving in a reasonable manner. Parents who raise concerns and queries are usually firm and assertive, polite and open minded. There's a two way dialogue and the parent is focused on a positive resolution not getting their own way. If there's no luck there then there's formal procedures.

Complaining as a mentality is different. Usually people who complain are quite rude, unreasonable, confrontational. They're often ranting about some ekement of school life they don't like / are more concerned with trying to point score or further vendetta against a member of staff. They're not seeking open dialogue and they're more concerned with throwing their weight around and getting their own way, regardless of whether their desired response is the right one. They're the ones on MN who think demanding to see the head / call Ofsted / tell the school you're reporting to Ofsted / send a letter to the governors / use the word safeguarding etc will mean they'll be taken seriously.

Most parents fit the top category.
Some parents fit the bottom category. They are the ones who become well known in school for the wrong reasons

Yes, my child needed emergency medication and the teacher said they had to wait until the teacher wasn't busy, they were sacked for gross misconduct, luckily the ambulance arrived very quickly and the right treatment was given to my by then unconscious child.

Yes, many times. Dd has autism and they regularly exclude her from things like school trips for no reason.

Yes and in the middle of one now but I can see a positive outcome once all is done and dusted.

I pick my battles wisely.. so if I’ve gone as far as a complaint it will be something that the school has no excuse or reasoning for and to be fair now it’s at formal complaint stage the head has admitted point blank the people involved were wrong and she’s not even going to try and excuse it.

They said they would rather we went through the complaints procedure and try to resolve the issue rather than the parents saying how rubbish they are, posting on social media etc and not come to them to try and find a resolution which is fair enough

Yes I have .. a few times.
Once my DD was injured by another child and I felt the school were at fault for allowing the kind of 'play' they did.

Another occasion was where a TA spoke to my DD inappropriately and rudely.

Another time my DD was always put to work with this troublesome boy in I.T... who constantly messed around and it was stressing my DD out.

I spoke to the teacher who said they tried to put a less well behaved and less able child, with a more able and well behaved child...to encourage them. I said it wasn't working and my DD isn't to be responsible for naughty pupil, as it was affecting her learning. DD began to hate schoo when she had IT because of this.

The teacher understood my point and DD didn't have to work with him again.

There are more...but that'll do for now.

As long as I have a valid complaint, I don't care what the staff think tbh.

I won't stand by while my children are treated poorly or are distressed when something can be done about it.

Yes. I live in a shitty area and my 5 year old is already on her 3rd school.

I've made complaints about oldest DS' school, including one to the governors, as he is autistic and not always correctly supported by the school.

Younger DS' school are a bit better and support him fairly well (also autistic) but that may be because they remember the complaints I made when eldest DS attended

Yes, I had to complain through the official channels when my daughter’s school (now ex school) were discriminatory towards her as a disabled person. They kept repeating “I can understand that the law says we have to make adjustments. But our policy says all children have to be the same, so we won’t”
Also put in a safeguarding complaint when a member of staff gave confidential information about my daughter to another parent. The outcome of that was “he’s said he’s sorry so we will leave it at that”
Lots of things were brushed under the carpet and hidden when she was assaulted in school too, so we ended up taking her out of there.
I know I was “that” parent and most likely they talked about me in the staff room, but I don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a few relatives who are teachers...they said one of the best ways to deal with these things is mentioning how it (the issue) is affecting your child/their learning.

A child goes to school to learn and any issue affecting their learning should be taken seriously by the school.

It's always good to be level headed and non accusatory when complaining.

Yep- took it all the way to the governors, pointless exercise but I was not happy with the Heads insensitivity, lying and blatant incompetence.
We only had 1 yr left at the school so just dropped it after it became clear they were not going to do anything

In my staffroom we would never talk about the issues like those mentioned above. Due to substitutes and visiting teachers or snas we are not allowed talk about children only the usual funny stories the kind you would have no problem a parent overhearing. Complaints and issues are dealt with at staff meetings.

Yes. We complained when our then 4-year-old came home in tears after a school assembly where an external religious group (invited in to read Bible stories) reenacted the crucifixion, complete with fake blood and the sound of nails being hammered into the hands of Jesus on the cross. This is supposed to be a non-faith school! After
a a lot of emails from several parents to the head (who initially said it didn't happen), the religious group no longer visit the school. We had never been informed of these visits in the first place, never mind the content of the "stories".

Yes I received a written apology today for their incompetence. I complained about them lying at my daughter's annual review after the LA decided to stop covering for them and confirmed the school lied probably because they became an academy. The school blamed their own incompetence rather than agreeing they lied. To substantiate this incompetence they sent me copies of documents they had previously denied ever having.
Frankly I don't care, dd is off to independent specialist and tbf it did make me smile when they chose to declare incompetence because I've been saying that myself for a while.

I am a teacher and I would much prefer parents talk to me about issues and give me a chance to address issues than fester about it, please talk to the teacher/school, we don’t bite.