To think there is nothing wrong with saying to a child that doing something is naughty?

[karencantobe]

And anyone I know that does ban the use of the word naughty, just uses another word instead anyway.

As long as it is quite clear that it is the action itself and not the child that is 'naughty' then I think it is fine. They need to know right from wrong.

I always said "That was a naughty thing that you did" and never ever told the dc that they were naughty.

Good! I want my DD to feel ashamed if she is naughty, so she aims not to be naughty!
Depends on your child. Many don't stop doing something if they are shamed, they just become overwhelmed with emotion and out of control.

lowlandLucky
How would I know that given I know nothing about their histories
The group I mentioned are over represented in the prison system by far

I always remember one of our very beloved ECE workers in our daycare (which became our extended family), and watching her, when one little one hurt another little one, grabbing the little one who had hurt the other, stroking her hands gently, and saying in a voice of gentle concern, 'nooooo, little one, hands are for helping, not for hurting' - and to my amazement, it worked. That little one was so abashed.

(The other little one that had been hurt was being comforted by another amazing ECE worker.)

I guess this works on some, but not others, but to me, it seems a good place to start!

jolly I wonder if you also use shame as a primary motivator in your work environment?

Some people use shame as a management tool - but honestly its a shit one. Encouraging people to do more in the right way is way WAY more effective. The same definitely goes for children. Letting them know you understand they will sometimes make mistake and that we are all just trying to do our best is a much better basis for them developing a strong internal directive, rather than an external imposed one.

low one possible issue is lead poisoning. There is massive evidence to show that crime rates drop hugely in countries about 20-30 years after they banned lead petrol.

One issue in the UK is the aging housing stock and the knock on effect that lead levels in childrens blood is rising again after a resonable period of being very low.

Low level lead poisoning during childhood has been shown to impact the development of cognitive skills including empathy....

Probably why the romans were such arsehole...used to flavour wine with lead because it tastes sweet....

This thread was interesting for me. I don't use the word naughty, despite never having made a conscious decision to avoid it.

I only realised this when DD was in nursery, and sometime used the word herself. I realised some people believe in "naugtiness" in the way they believe in "evil", whereas for me it was just a non-specific term to describe anything a parent doesn't like.

I think Jollyroger has give some good examples of how it could be used to control, and I know my DD would be sensitive to it, as she has reacted strongly to being called naughty by other people. Even though she hasn't learned it from me, she would be upset and ashamed to be called naughty.

On reflection, I think I don't use it for the same reason I don't hit DD. It's overkill. I don't need to do it to get her to behave. (OK hitting is also illegal, but I wouldn't do it even if it was legal.)

If DD were harder to control, or inclined to worse behaviour, may I'd be desparate enough to use it. Just as bad enough behaviour might incline me to hit her, if it were legal to do so.

One issue in the UK is the aging housing stock and the knock on effect that lead levels in childrens blood is rising again after a resonable period of being very low

This is very interesting @M3lon. Have you a link to the relevant research?

@HopeClearwater - research is done by LEICSS if you'd like to look it up. There are a very small number of child lead poisoning cases in total; 50 in 2017, 93% at a low enough level to be considered asymptomatic, total child deaths partly attributed to lead poisoning in the England 2015-2017 was 1. Adult lead dust on clothing, lead paint and lead pipes asterisk factors but increased testing is thought to be behind the small rise in numbers and one of the biggest official risk factors for children is if they've recently migrated from a country with higher exposure levels. UK lead poisoning rates are lower than international average, which may be due to less testing or to less incidences.

Please excuse typos!
"are risk" not asterisk.

I don't use it either. My DC are two and three so perhaps I'd be different with an older child, but at this age it would be developmentally innapropriate as they're not cognitively able to grasp the difference between doing a bad thing and being a bad person.

Telling them their naughty is ineffective anyway and assumes they're doing things "on purpose" to be bad - they're not, there's always a reason.

They're tiny and learning how to navigate the world with all its arbitrary rules and conventions. It's not my job to shame them into being unquestionaly compliant, it's my job to guide them and to teach empathy so that they do the right thing, not because they'll "get in trouble" if they don't but because they are inherently good and want to do the right thing. Just my parenting philosophy anyway and so far I thinks it's working as they're great little souls!

Thanks @MRex

You are being naughty or what you are doing is naughty is so vague. What behaviour do you want to stop?

“Dirty hands off the walls, come with me let’s wash them.”

“I can see you would like to climb, hop off the couch and let’s go outside to climb”

“Oh no you have drawn on the table. We only draw on paper. I’ll get you a cloth the wipe it off and then we’ll find paper for you to draw on”