*Trigger*violence to a child, do I contact the Police?

[MrOnionsBumperRoller]

Yesterday exdp who has history of violence against me threw DD5 to the ground and pinned her down shouting in her face. She provoked with hitting and hair pulling but she is 5, he is 6 foot and strong and there are other ways to deal with tired 5 year olds being horrid.
I grabbed her out the way before anything more could happen and he stomped off ranting expletives. I messaged 'WTF' And received an expletive filled rant calling DD a cunt and that he doesn't care etc etc. He is gone from our lives now, not on birth certificate, they've never bonded and he has previous DV history with me hence my policing all contact at my house. I never however, thought he'd do this to DD, who is fine but was terrified.
Please advise me do I contact the Police, leave it and move on? My head is in a spin and I feel guilty as hell over trying to ensure they had some sort of relationship. Help me please!

They will think you are a good mother because you are reporting this and getting rid of the twat. Well done OP.

Please do contact the police about it. I would be stopping contact with him.
My dad used to hit my mum... he then moved onto us kids as we ‘had the same attitude’

As for him being able to apply for access, he would but it would be a long process and would involve proving he is the dad (through DNA) and then apply for parental rights then applying for contact.

If you do continue contact then I suggest moving it to a contact centre where he’ll be monitored by others too

@MrOnionsBumperRoller "Phone Social Services. I feel sick. They're going to think I'm a useless Mother aren't they?"

When you report this assault on your child to the police and social work, they will absolutely not think you are a useless mother, they will see that you tried to facilitate contact in a safe way, and as soon as your child was assaulted, you have stopped this and reported it to the relevant authorities...

If he literally threw her to the floor then yes that’s an assault and the police should be called.

As for the “never shout” brigade, I’m not for smacking but out of my circle it’s the “gentle parenting” ones who never shout who have the rudest and worst behaved kids, so I don’t buy that for one minute. Sometimes a shout is needed to get the message through.

And no they won’t think you’re a useless
Mother. They’ll think you’re a very responsible mother for reporting.

It’s the useless Mother’s who don’t report and the child ends up in a coffin.

Update. Thanks for all the encouragement and advice. I rang the NSPCC today who were lovely and kind and signposted me to a place offering free legal assistance so I can find out more re Ex's rights regarding access should he choose to go through the courts and assistance in preventing this. I'm informing school tomorrow and my DDoctor upped one of my anxiety meds considerably and gave me a lovely pep talk. Thanks again

And the police?

You absolutely need to have the police report and crime reference number, for any future issues.

Get to the police ASAP

I was in your position
Serious abuse of all forms while pregnant and when the baby was 7 weeks old he picked her up and flung her from a height into a sofa
He took me to a room. To kill me

I felt bad for Him
Made excuses
Utter fool I was
I should have rang police immediately

Please call them
When I finally called them and went in to make a statement they were so kind and professional

So sorry you have been through this xx

So you didn’t report it to the police?

I know it’s advised on here a lot but I don’t understand why people go to the nspcc instead of directly to the police or SS

Just wanted to send my support OP, and to say I understand - or at least can imagine - how very very difficult this must be to deal with for you, and wishing you the strength you need. Now you have had that text off him I would hope you have a very strong basis for keeping him right out of your dds life. So so sorry he did this to her, and for you both.

Am amazed at the number of people who think it is reasonable to pin a 5 year old child down. My daughter went through a violent stage, and I would never have pinned her down. How is that teaching them that violence is wrong?

Thank you for the update, I hope you get legal advice and report your abusive ex to the police! You would need to do that to obtain a restraining order I believe...

Police. Definitely. And don’t hesitate to give them every single detail.
Then go to your DD school with the police report number, tell them what’s happened and that he is not to come anywhere near.
This also covers you if she discloses his behaviour to a staff member there and triggers their safeguarding policy - you want to start this first or it may appear that you’ve not done anything to protect her.

You sound like you’re on top of things OP and doing the best for your child. You’ve had your warning and you won’t make the same mistake again with this man. Best of luck and look after yourself too. I hope you can put this behind you and move on, don’t let it dominate and make you feel bad. Onwards and upwards x

When the shock of this has faded and you start to feel guilty about stopping her having a relationship with her father, read that text.
The violence is bad enough in itself.
Calling his daughter a cunt
Expecting her to have the rationality of an adult at five.
Not encouraging kind behaviour instead of hitting and hair pulling
Not setting a good example for her to follow
Winding up and then reacting to the result.
You are doing the right thing by reporting him. He went too far. If there is a way of getting a court protective order in place to ensure he stays away that would be advisable because I think he will be back after he has thought of a way to make this your fault.

Did you call the police?

Please report this to the police so there is a formal record of the incident.
Your DD needs to know, both now and when looking back at her childhood, that you have her back. She needs proactive evidence that her Dad's behaviour is NOT accaptable.

MrOnionsBumperRoller - please listen to others, contact the police, stop all contact with him (you and DD) and protect your DD. Besides anything else, there is a high chance your DD will remember this, and she will always remembered how you reacted, so your response needs to be the right one.

I was once in a very similar situation. I reported it to the police, they didn't press charges but were great and offered lots of support. A while after, my DC told a teacher what had happened. They contacted me and I said it had been reported, they verified this. A week or so later I got a letter from SS saying they were aware of the incident, but would not be intervening at that point as I had reported it and stopped all contact. If I hadn't have done, they would have acted. It's difficult but DD has to be priority here, not any rights her abusive, violent father may or should have.