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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice on inheritance disputes

999 replies

Ilovechinese · 20/01/2020 14:02

Hi I'm just wondering if anyone on here has been to court to contest a will and if so how long did it take to get to court and what the process is. I'm going through this at the minute (well not got to court yet) but have a caveat in place to stop probate.

OP posts:
Ilovechinese · 26/01/2020 21:50

@Chocolate50 I agree her posts come across as quite narcissistic and arrogant thinking she knows everything then again I think the legal profession does attract those personality types

OP posts:
PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 26/01/2020 21:54

Marsha your story is awful.
Dreadful.

Your poor mother knowing she was leaving you to that woman.
Very sad. You have your own family now.

AuntyElle · 26/01/2020 21:54

Dear god, the projection, OP!! 😂 And such ingratitude.

Ah, is Chocolate perhaps your sock puppet? Hmm

Barbarella1 · 26/01/2020 21:55

Oh for goodness sake op give it a rest. Your insulting legal professionals again despite them trying to help you for free.

Ilovechinese · 26/01/2020 21:56

Not them just you

OP posts:
Ilovechinese · 26/01/2020 21:56

You have been more insulting than helpful

OP posts:
Narcheska · 26/01/2020 21:57

@AuntyElle I was wondering the same ...
They appeared conveniently and only appear to post information in support of the OP and to insult Other posters.

PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 26/01/2020 21:57

Leave the op alone.

I'm sure she's taking in all the advice.
Stop attacking her, she's clearly working through her shock and anger.

Just because she's not declaring...

Yes your all right... I going to drop this and live in rainbows doesn't mean she's not entitled to courtesy and respect.
She's had a massive shock... It takes time to work through these things emotionally and mentally.

Ilovechinese · 26/01/2020 21:59

@PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline thanyou I appreciated that

OP posts:
Barbarella1 · 26/01/2020 22:00

Lol

Chocolate50 · 26/01/2020 22:14

@Barbarella1
Your posts are very immature. You believe your own narrative which is entirely made up. This is what OP asked, note she is NOT asking for legal advice from legal representatives (if indeed this is what you are instead of a completely irrational and odd individual); your posts are disturbing please look at what you are saying in relationship to your position on here (a poster on MN, you aren't representing anyone remember!)

Hi I'm just wondering if anyone on here has been to court to contest a will and if so how long did it take to get to court and what the process is. I'm going through this at the minute (well not got to court yet) but have a caveat in place to stop probate.
I have simply responded in a human way, I don't believe that I've given advice but you on the other hand just can't stfu

Chocolate50 · 26/01/2020 22:19

@PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline absolutely agree what is wrong with these people do they not have some hobby they can do instead of hiding behind their phones making personal slights.
And I love David Bowie too (love the username!)

Nomorelaundry · 26/01/2020 22:22

It was not your fathers money.

It was your mothers. Only hers. And she left it to her children.

Barbarella1 · 26/01/2020 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chocolate50 · 26/01/2020 22:24

@Barbarella1 wtf are you talking about now? Seriously have you seen what you are writing?!

Nomorelaundry · 26/01/2020 22:26

Also I absolutely would give more to one child (I have 3) if that one had cared for me before my death.

Chocolate50 · 26/01/2020 22:27

@Ilovechinese I think that the majority of the people who are posting are doing so for their own weird reasons & you know what you need to do in order to move your situation on. I sincerely hope that you resolve this situation positively

Schuyler · 26/01/2020 22:27

I don’t know why you’ve honed in on a few ego strokes who’ve not actually offered much a lot of accurate (being the key word here!) advice. Can’t you see that we are trying to help you? We are trying to ensure you don’t bankrupt yourself. It’s out of kindness that we want you to fully understand what you’re heading into. It’s easy to say “oh I’m so sorry, hun. How horrible.” but much harder to give specialist advice. Let me be clear, it is shitty and unfair what’s happened to you. I think the majority of us understand your feelings.
I know you’re going to proceed and that’s your prerogative but please hear what we are saying. This is free advice. It’ll save you money. We are doing it to help you. @Ilovechinese

Schuyler · 26/01/2020 22:28

@Chocolate50
What a nasty thing to say to professionals who are giving our free time to help a stranger. The vast majority of people have given advice just to be kind. 🤷🏻‍♀️

agonyauntie2020 · 26/01/2020 22:29

OP, you've asked if anyone's got similar stories. I'll share mine, then give some advice.

I don't want to share too many details, but here's the short version. I lost beloved, dear, DM out of the blue 5 years ago. I grieved and continue to grieve every day. Many people will tell you that you never really get over a loss, you just learn to live with it. I think that's true. I think from everything I have read and all the expensive and painful therapy, that if you've had any kind of friction or issues in your relationship, it can be harder, not easier, because death is final. You have expressed several times that your DM is not here and you can't ask her why she's done what she's done. I think this just makes the inequity harder - you will never know if she was in her right mind (horrible, she preferred DB over you and acquiesced to his horrible will changing, hard to imagine someone at the end of life will of their own volition mostly disinherit... ), or if she wasn't (same thing, horrible DB conned her). You can't find out. What you can do is try to make yourself feel better by honoring your DF's wishes and screwing over your DB by not making it easy for him. You've said a lot talking to some stranger about it won't make you feel better, I understand that, I really do. But would it hurt to try one session with a grief counselor (wills and probate are after part of what hurts people later, and they are familiar with those things, hospice near you, even though DM didn't go that way, may still provide counselor for you...)

In my case I discovered something after my loss that was partly engineered by a family member and after a year of feeling "oh my god, my mum didn't tell me x" realized it wasn't even true. Was too deep in grief to get it. Other step-family member did something somewhat dodgy with inheritance, legally correct, morally questionable.

I am the kind of person who is driven mad by injustice. I can totally imagine being in your shoes and doing the same thing. Counselor steered me away and helped me see confronting either of these two would not help me with the loss. The loss is there. And also that I wasn't even in a good place psychologically to deal with the stress of legal or emotional issues, so I should let it go.

I let it go but I didn't and won't ever forget it or believe it was right. But what I didn't do is make myself even sadder and angrier than I was (NHS was a dreadful, dreadful, horrible shit-show let down). I didn't do a complaint against them either, although I was advised to do so, multiple times. Same reason - more pain to me. My mum loved me to death and would not have wanted me sad. I am so sorry you don't have that feeling about your mum, but you do about your dad. You want justice for him, but you know what he probably wants for you? Peace and happiness, that's what.

I am sorry you have had a hard time on the thread, if I was you, I would try and see the positive. Many people have been trying to convince you not to proceed. Not many have dug deep enough, or perhaps had the painful horrible experiences of losing two parents early and been screwed by a sibling, so can't see exactly WHY you need, for your own sanity, to not let this drop.

I also could not think straight or comprehend the way I usually do for a good year or two. So maybe you could consider that as well and like a PP said, take a friend to the solicitor (they are fine with it).

Please update what the solicitor says. There are many on here who want to help.

Hugs.

Barbarella1 · 26/01/2020 22:32

You’ve called me immature, said my posts are disturbing, called me odd and irrational and questioned my qualifications. I will say it again, I’m happy to provide evidence of my legal experience.
your a nasty piece of work.

agonyauntie2020 · 26/01/2020 22:34

Having read my own post I can see it's not very clear. the too long; didn't read version

Please see a counselor/therapist even if just one time. I believe it helped me to act in my own best interests, and how my mum would want, which was not to act in anger and grief, which is 100% my personality usually (strong sense of justice).

Please take a friend to solicitor's to make sure you have a backup as to what she has said about the odds and the costs etc.

IDoNotHaveABlackCat · 26/01/2020 22:38

When someone in my real/personal life asks me for my opinion, depending on the subject I often clarify what sort of opinion they want.

How I feel about the situation or what I think about it.

These are often in conflict.

Chocolate50 · 26/01/2020 22:39

@agonyauntie2020 what balanced post. This is the sort of advice OP has asked for & probably needs.
Not the judgemental pushy opinions presented by keyboard warriors, no one is likely to listen to someone online who attempts to bully & slap someone into submission. That's not professional advice it's just rude & unkind.

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