Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the psychiatrist was in the wrong

65 replies

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 12:06

My friend had an appointment and has admitted the true reason she was so upset by the psychiatrist. She wanted to be marked as low risk due to clearance from occupational health for work. They said no I will have to leave it at moderate risk but then added least we aren’t putting high risk. I’ve got patients that harm themselves and lot more seriously and regularly than you and then added after saying that not many mind but a few. Aibu to think they shouldn’t invalidate peoples struggles?

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 20/01/2020 17:01

@busyweeks78 - there was no need for him to bring up other patients but I think he was trying to encourage her in a round about way. I would focus on the positive that she is on her way to her goal of low risk.

Hope you are ok and your stay in hospital is going well too Flowers

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 17:42

I feel the fact that they then said “not many mind but a few” kind of indicates that they realised what they said was insensitive.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 20/01/2020 18:00

It sounds like the psychiatrist was just being honest. For every person who would have been offended, another person would have really appreciated what he/she said. Your friend (and you) need to think more about why they/you react to what the psychiatrist said in the way that you have.

brendansbuddy · 20/01/2020 18:03

YABU I'm afraid. The doctor was trying to point out that, despite the disappointment of still being assessed as unwell/risky, it could be worse. It's a bit contradictory to want to be assessed as low risk, but be offended that there are people more unwell. That's the reality and it sounds as if they were trying to put this in perspective. They may have been trying to help this person see that they are doing okay but not fully well yet.

M3lon · 20/01/2020 18:06

yeah that sounds unprofessional. But psychiatrists are human and they can make mistakes too.

LIZS · 20/01/2020 18:09

She admitted that she had been holding onto drugs, presumably to od . Even if she has now handed them over her thought process shows she is not yet low risk. Tbh support groups are all very well but perhaps talking to other vulnerable people does not necessarily make for clearer judgement.

Elle7rose · 20/01/2020 18:16

You're right that the Psychiatrist should not compare a patient to others in front of said patient.

It is a bit odd to want to be deemed low risk and then feel disappointed that you're not high risk though.

HappyHammy · 20/01/2020 18:31

I hope you are getting some rest. Do you think it might be better for you to step back a bit from discussing your friends appointments with her doctor and concentrate on your own health.

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 18:50

Obviously these a threshold for risk but I think saying those things to vulnerable people can trigger people.

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 20/01/2020 19:02

high, medium and low are comparative concepts so there is no meaning to 'low' risk unless you compare it to something which is of a higher risk. The psychiatrist was commenting on that and was not mentioning individual clients in a personal way. I think your friend is somewhat ambivalent. They want to be seen as in serious need but at the same time as at low risk. I think this might suggest that they are not entirely understanding what the risk categories are there to achieve. They are there to keep people safe and focus limited resources where they are most needed at this point in time. Although she might have hoped for a low risk as she thinks this might help her in her job, the psychiatrist has to base the rating on their own judgement. I can see that your friend is disappointed but hopefully she can come to see it as something protective rather than punitive.

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 19:08

Op why ask if you don't wish to know the answer?

Are you also unwell? Can you think through if enouraging your friend to believe this isn't helpful to her? And maybe you're not in the best position to help her, even if you're doing it with the best of intentions?

WorriedMum6868 · 20/01/2020 19:08

It seems as if your friend wants it all. Wants to be low risk but gets nose put out of joint when psych describes people who are much higher risk.

MaisWeee · 20/01/2020 19:11

Ok, so your friend feels bad because there are people with worse conditions than she has?

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 19:19

No she knows these people in a worse position than her. However why add “not many mind but a few” of you think your comments before we’re okay. I feel like they must have known it could be taken that way so added that bit.

OP posts:
iano · 20/01/2020 20:17

I'm not sure I understand.... he was saying she's medium risk. Maybe in a slightly convoluted way, but he/ she is only human.
She would be better off focussing on what she can do to become low risk. Did they discuss that?

OpheliaBalthasar · 20/01/2020 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 20:45

Yes I am

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 20/01/2020 21:01

@busyweeks78 - did she find the comments triggering? I think lots of people won't understand that but someone talking about someone else self-harming can make you want to selfharm yourself.

LokiLocks · 20/01/2020 21:01

This seems as if it was just a clumsy attempt at explaining their reasoning behind the 'moderate' decision but can understand the doctor then trying not to dismiss or invalidate your friend with the last part. It is a hard line to walk because 'moderate' seems to be an improvement, which outwardly looks like good news however, that does not mean the situation has been taken lightly so the doctor will have to explain that aspect of it as well which they have attempted to do.

Maybe your friend could raise any concerns over this with the doctor if it has upset them? It might help to hear that the doctor had not intended to upset or dismiss them.

busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 21:19

She doesn’t feel comfortable to talk to them about it in case they get annoyed with her.

OP posts:
busyweeks78 · 20/01/2020 21:24

UndertheCedartree Yes unfortunately she did. Hope you’re okay

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 20/01/2020 22:01

@busyweeks78 - I understand why she was upset. I'm ok, thanks

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 20/01/2020 23:02

I'm a mental health nurse. To some extent I see your point OP. For some people hearing that others are worse can be upsetting, and this can be interpretted as 'I'm low risk so less deserving of care/treatment'.

That said, I don't think it was wrong of the psychiatrist to express it this way. Risk assessment is rarely that objective. I work in inpatient so my risk threshold is inevitably far higher than the community team, who will have a higher risk threshold than the GP. I think it sounds like the psychiatrist was trying to explain what low/med/high risk actually looks like to her.

It is a bit paradoxical to go seeking proof she is low risk, but to then be upset to hear she isn't high risk.

MaisWeee · 20/01/2020 23:15

Hi @waitrosescheapestvodka
High/low/medium risk of what exactly?

Whatisthisfuckery · 20/01/2020 23:56

I think I get this. I have felt like this when I’ve been ill.I wanted to get better but was quite involved with my own suffering. I wanted out of the system but I was desperate for them to validate how ill I was. It’s a messsed up paradox which you only really understand when you’re feeling better. For example I would go see my psych wen I was in a manic episode and on one hand I’d be asking them why the hell I was there, there’s nothing wrong with me etc, but when the clinic letter came through saying I was coherent and presenting normally I’d be annoyed, because I didn’t feel normal. On the other hand if they’d said I was ill and needed to go into hospital I would have felt aggrieved. When I was quite badly psychotic I agreed to go into hospital, then kicked off because I didn’t want to be there. Your mind gets fucked up when you’re ill, it’s hard to explain. You don’t want to be seen as ill, well because it’s shit, but you don’t want to be seen as being fine because you know you aren’t.

I do agree with what PPs have said about MH support groups. They can be incredibly supportive places where you don’t feel judged, but by the same token you can get rather wrapped up in each other’s problems to an unhealthy degree. Anyone who’s been on a psychiatric ward will recognise this dynamic. It’s almost like when something exciting happens in school and everybody’s talking about it. There can be an air of feverishness, which can be really harmful when translated to a group of people who have serious MH problems.

OP I’d tell your friend to just get on with her recovery. I’ve come across a couple of non too good psychiatrists in my time although I didn’t encounter them at my best. it’s on your friend to get herself well at the end of the day and it makes little difference what her psych says, because she has to live with her illness, not them. The best way to get them to believe that you’re well is to show them. If you’re quibbling about things it just makes them think you aren’t, which tbh is probably true. I remember having an argument with a doctor because I wanted to leave hospital. it was a really bad time on the ward and a patient was psychotic and kicking off repeatedly and it was distressing me so much it was making me worse. I was quite aggressive in my insistence that I was well enough to go home, the doctor did not agree. She said it was my reaction that told her I wasn’t well enough, which on reflection was probably true. Your behaviour tends to give more away about your mental state than you think, and if your actions don’t match your words the doctors will see it. Please don’t wind your friend up about this, it won’t do her any good whatsoever.

Swipe left for the next trending thread