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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my boyfriend I don't want to drink every weekend?

43 replies

Petals23 · 20/01/2020 07:31

I was never a big drinker and never drank at home until I met my boyfriend 4 years ago. I'm still not a big drinker but he has to have a drink every weekend... even if we're staying in. Last Friday night he was coming to mine for dinner and I said I don't feel like drinking tonight so bring a couple of beers with you if you fancy a drink (he always has booze in his house whereas I wouldn't). Anyway, he arrives with a few cans but doesn't drink them. I had planned on us watching a DVD after dinner but he suggested we go to the pub, so off we went. AIBU to think it's boring to drink every weekend?

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 20/01/2020 07:36

I like to drink every weekend; not get drunk but a couple of glasses of wine. Equally though I often see friends who don’t and I wouldn’t suggest going to the pub to someone who had said they didn’t fancy drinking but I’d probably still have a drink if we went out for a meal or watched a film at home

Russellbrandshair · 20/01/2020 07:38

It’s a bit sad if he can’t go a weekend without alcohol. Not to mention rude if you’ve said you want a weekend without it. Does he have a dependence do you think?

DDiva · 20/01/2020 07:39

You dont have to drink at the pub. If you didnt fancy it why didnt you just say so......

Sparkle567 · 20/01/2020 07:40

Why didn’t you just say no to the pub?

Or go and have a soft drink? You don’t have to drink booze.

I never drink at home, even on weekends. My partner normally has a few beers. I don’t feel like I have to drink just because he is.

cherryblossomgin · 20/01/2020 07:40

Why did you go to the pub if you didn't want to? YANBU to not want to drink every weekend. I don't drink anymore and DH is the same. Just say you want a weekend off drinking.

fedup21 · 20/01/2020 07:40

Why did you just say, no-I don’t fancy it, let’s watch a DVD? Confused

CakeandCustard28 · 20/01/2020 07:42

Why didn’t you just say no thanks to going to the pub?

Dyrne · 20/01/2020 07:42

Why did you agree to go to the pub? Why not just say “actually I fancy staying in with a DVD tonight”?

And why did you have to drink once at the pub? Why not just have a soft drink?

It sounds like you have an inability to say no to him? Or is it that you have an inability to say no to drinking which you are conveniently blaming on him?

And I don’t see why going to the pub is any more “boring” than just sitting at home watching a DVD...

Dyrne · 20/01/2020 07:45

Just another thing, sometimes people suggest going to the pub because it’s more social and keeps you talking to one another, rather than sitting watching TV. Maybe you could suggest another activity which is sociable and keeps you talking to one another - a walk around the area, perhaps?

BagpussAteMyHomework · 20/01/2020 07:45

My now ex couldn’t get through a weekend without drinking and got arsey with me if I didn’t want to drink every day on holiday. It got to the point that he’d go out without me anyway if I didn’t give in. I wish I’d treated this as a red flag at the time instead of thinking he’d grow out of it or blaming myself for being too boring for him to spend time with without the assistance of alcohol.

So if it’s bothering you you may need to think about this.

Does it stop you doing stuff you enjoy?
Does it cost more than you can really afford?
Does it interfere with the quality of your time together?

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/01/2020 07:46

It’s a bit sad if he can’t go a weekend without alcohol. Not to mention rude if you’ve said you want a weekend without it

Why is it rude for him to want a drink just because the OP doesn't? Why are his wishes less important than her's? You know that it's entirely possible for one person to drink and the other not right? Those 2 things are not mutually exclusive. You also don't have to drink alcohol in a pub, if the OP didn't want to go she could have said rather than going and then moaning after.

OP, you're not wrong for not wanting a drink. YABU though if this means you expect him not to have a drink, and YABU for not speaking up about your wish to stay in when he suggested the pub if you didn't want to go, especially if he was staying with you. Not sure you sound that compatible really, not about the drinking necessarily, but about your wishes regarding how you like to spend your time.

Sunsetandmoonlight · 20/01/2020 07:46

I went to the pub last week and had a coffee!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 07:47

If you don't want to drink don't drink. If you don't want to go to the pub don't go to the pub.

stuckinthemiddlewithtwats · 20/01/2020 07:59

I agree with you OP, it's boring. Plus if he can't go a weekend without a drink I'd say he has a problem.

I had a similar issue with my ex and I got fed up of having to have alcohol in at my house or him having to go off to the shop to buy some as soon as he arrived. He could never have a soft drink at a pub either, always had to be alcohol.

Sounds like you might not be that compatible as it's clearly an important issue for you - things like this won't change, they only ever get worse. I grew up in a household that didn't think regular drinking was normal and I'm much happier with my DP who grew up with the same attitude. Alcohol is a non-issue for us as if he did fancy a drink, it's so rare that it wouldn't bother me at all, whereas I was really uptight about my ex wanting a drink.

dottiedodah · 20/01/2020 08:22

I think if you get on well otherwise ,then its a shame to worry about this .Unless he is completely drunk or abusive ,whats the harm? Weekends are time to wind down and chill for many people .Can you not just have a coke or something? Going to the pub is a social experience ,and gives you time to chat rather than watching a film

GabriellaMontez · 20/01/2020 08:25

Can you give to the pub and have a soft drink?

There is nothing wrong with him fancying a drink at the weekend. Are you sure he's right for you? These little incompatibilities can become a source of resentment.

HulksPurplePanties · 20/01/2020 08:26

Just say no.

Russellbrandshair · 20/01/2020 08:26

Why is it rude for him to want a drink just because the OP doesn't?

He already HAD drinks- he brought beers round.

Why does everything have to revolve around the pub? Op said she wasn't drinking. So why on earth would he need to go to the pub. The world doesn't revolve around the pub ffs

Vulpine · 20/01/2020 08:30

I love a nice cosy pub with no screens so i can have a proper chat with whom ever I'm with. No tv, no screens - bliss

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 08:32

@Russellbrandshair he didn't drag her to the pub - he suggested it and she chose to go. As you say, he also had beers with him, so it was probably more about the atmosphere/socialisation than beer.

Bluntness100 · 20/01/2020 08:38

Not really getting this either. You don't need to drink simply because he does. You can have a soft drink. And if you don't want to go to the pub say no.

Andthe thoughtthat it's "rude" for him to drink if you decide not to is ludicrous, as is the thought he has a problem and "needs" it. As opposed to wants.

Op you do you, but you can't dictate he's not allowed some beers at a weekend or whenever he chooses. It's not like he's getting off his head. He can drink whay he wants, as can you.

AllergicToAMop · 20/01/2020 09:11

Yanbu to not want to drink.

Yabu to "he suggested we go to the pub, so off we went". You know you can say "No. I fancy a quiet night in tbh. We can go next weekend"

fedup21 · 20/01/2020 09:19

I had planned on us watching a DVD after dinner but he suggested we go to the pub, so off we went.

But why?!

user1473878824 · 20/01/2020 09:20

Only on Mumsnet is someone an alcoholic for wanting a drink on the weekend.

Cookit · 20/01/2020 09:24

I don’t think having a drink every weekend is unusual or a problem. We tend to always share a bottle of wine on a Saturday.
Pre-kids we’d either have a night in with takeaway and wine or find ourselves in a restaurant (with wine) or the pub every weekend. We got actually drunk very rarely, but it’s just we both enjoy nice wine and it’s part of the weekend. Nowadays the going out is a lot less so it’s having a glass or two at home in front of the TV.

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