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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my boyfriend I don't want to drink every weekend?

43 replies

Petals23 · 20/01/2020 07:31

I was never a big drinker and never drank at home until I met my boyfriend 4 years ago. I'm still not a big drinker but he has to have a drink every weekend... even if we're staying in. Last Friday night he was coming to mine for dinner and I said I don't feel like drinking tonight so bring a couple of beers with you if you fancy a drink (he always has booze in his house whereas I wouldn't). Anyway, he arrives with a few cans but doesn't drink them. I had planned on us watching a DVD after dinner but he suggested we go to the pub, so off we went. AIBU to think it's boring to drink every weekend?

OP posts:

Subeccoo · 20/01/2020 09:25

7 of us went to a gorgeous pub yesterday. 2 had drinks, a wine and beer, the rest had lime and sodas, a coke, and a coffee.
We had a bloody lovely time, I drank the coffee but it didn't stop me enjoying my aunts company whilst she had wine. There was raucous laughter from both of us actually.

However, this is a you problem rather than him. If you don't want to drink, then don't but I don't think you can dictate to him what he does.

TorkTorkBam · 20/01/2020 09:25

Why did you say yes to the pub when you felt "no" so strongly you ended up starting a thread on Mumsnet?

You know one of the big rules of dating is to say no to a man about something relatively minor, non-sexual, where it doesn't matter either way, like staying in and watching a DVD rather than going to the pub for one night. You stick to your no and see how he behaves.

How does your boyfriend react to a no?

CatUnderTheStairs · 20/01/2020 09:38

Probably depends on the kind of pub. Lovely pub, roaring fire, 2 of them having a chat a coffee or two would be fine.

Revolution and 2 for 1 vodkas not so much.

BigFatLiar · 20/01/2020 09:40

Did you say to him that you had planned an evening on the sofa with him watching a film? If you did I'd be more concerned that he didn't want to spend the evening watching a film and having a bit of a cuddle.

Rosehip10 · 20/01/2020 09:43

Are you from a more middle class background than your boyfriend?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/01/2020 10:14

Are you from a more middle class background than your boyfriend?

FFS. I love Mumsnet

thejollyroger · 20/01/2020 10:21

This is silly. You don’t have to drink because he does, and drinking at the weekend (even if it’s every weekend) isn’t a sign of a drinking problem.

GabriellaMontez · 20/01/2020 10:21

Are you thinking the boyfriend is more working class or more upper class than the OP??

Urkiddingright · 20/01/2020 10:24

YANBU at all but you may find this causes issues in the relationship. For some people drinking is a huge part of their weekends and they cannot fathom why anyone wouldn’t want to drink every weekend.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/01/2020 10:34

Were there friends at the pub? Did he sit and get drunk while you sipped a tap water? Does he get drunk every weekend or just enjoy a couple of beers? Does he also drink during the week?

DH and I enjoy a beer or 2 or even 3 some nights but mostly that's over a few hours and, although over the driving limit (Scotland, so much lower than the rest of the UK) we are not drunk and out of control. Its hard to say who is BU here as there are too many unanswered variables.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 20/01/2020 10:36

To answer your title question. If course YANBU to tell him you don't want to drink. You are, presumably, an adult and it's up to you what you out in your body.

user1473878824 · 20/01/2020 10:39

@GiveHerHellFromUs This thread is proper magic, isn't it?

BagpussAteMyHomework · 20/01/2020 11:40

The OP obviously feels uncomfortable about this, and it’s not for us to decide whether she should mind based on whether WE enjoy a visit to the pub or enjoy drinking every weekend. The question is what is going on for her and her boyfriend.

SnoozyLou · 20/01/2020 11:48

I think you need to decide whether it's a dealbreaker. If you don't want to drink every weekend, then don't. If you don't want him to drink every weekend, and he wants to, and you resent him forward, that seems unreasonable to me.

SnoozyLou · 20/01/2020 11:50

*for it

AryaStarkWolf · 20/01/2020 11:51

Oh I love a few glasses of wine at the weekend so I'm with your DP but you don't have to drink just because he is? No one is actually forcing you to?

loobyloo1234 · 20/01/2020 11:51

YANBU to not want to drink every weekend. YWBU to tell your DP that he is not allowed to

Some people drink at weekends, some don't - doesnt mean they're alcoholics btw (this is aimed at some of the PP not the OP)

Pop2017 · 20/01/2020 12:00

Some people like to drink every weekend. I’m like you. I haven’t really drank much for a few years but even when I was younger and did go out I never really drank too much. I don’t like not being in control. I’ve only ever been very drunk twice and it was awful. Tipsy is fine, drunk is not for me.

two of my previous partners were the same. They always had to drink and I honestly think they had a drink problem (I’m not suggesting this is the case for your boyfriend at all). Because they drank so much the whole weekend would be ruined as they’d spend the days hungover. We never did anything nice together at the weekend. It was awful. They would often promise a weekend in and a simple text from a friend asking them to go out would mean they changed their mind. Because I wasn’t a big drinker I’d either be at home on my own or I went out and spent the evening bored shitless. Nights out have never really been my thing.

My Oh or 7.5 years hasn’t drank in years either so we are on similar pages and it’s great.

You need to put your foot down to be honest. Tell him that sometimes you’d rather chill at home with a dvd or he can go to the pub alone (not ideal for you either though).

I really feel for you.

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