Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to enjoy spending money?

28 replies

Faradayay · 19/01/2020 21:20

I've read back over what I wrote and want to start by saying that I am not being goady, and I know I sound materialistic. There is more to my life than shopping, but I am just so fed up.

My DSis keeps making snide comments about my family's spending habits. She says we are frivolous, we should be saving money, we could buy a second house I don't want to do this and she doesn't know how I could be so stupid when we both came out of the same womb Hmm I personally think she's tight but that is neither here nor there. She's NOT poor herself, so this is not about that, although she is a bit obsessed with money and will gleefully send me links to things which are cheaper than what I paid.

DH and I have good jobs. We commute into London and I spend 3 hours a day on travel. We have 1-2 holidays per year, and a couple of city breaks in the UK as we are trying to see more of this country. We are not struggling financially and have a decent amount in savings (enough to live off for 3 months, although DS doesn't know this).

If I see something I want, I like being able to just buy it. I don't like waiting for sales or hunting around on eBay for the sake of a few £s. I am a size 12 so I find that by the time things are on sale only sizes 8 or 16+ are left. I would rather buy something that I love and appreciate it than wait and potentially miss out.

I enjoy the convenience of going to a gym which is a 5 minute walk from my house, and I don't want to get a bus or walk 30 minutes to a cheaper gym. That time is important to me and I know I will get stressed with 'wasting' time and just talk myself out of going to the gym.

I like being able to pay for things to make my life easier. AIBU?

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 19/01/2020 21:22

No. But you know this, right?

PetPeter · 19/01/2020 21:22

Do whatever you want Confused - why do you care what anyone else thinks?

EustaciaPieface · 19/01/2020 21:23

You sound happy as you are, ignore her!

speakout · 19/01/2020 21:26

Not sure what your point is.
If you like spendig money than crack on. It doesn't float my boat no, but then I don't have the same circumstances as you. I don't commute to work. Maybe you spend to relive stress. Three months buffer of savings isn't huge. I have 5 years of salary as savings- maybe because spending gives me few thrills.

ANiceLuxury · 19/01/2020 21:28

Are you me? I could of written your post!

What I’ve learnt over the years is not to tell people what you have bought etc.

I’m very private about finances etc. No one knows we are mortgage free for example.

When at a family get together, family members eye up my children and ask were every little thing is from what they are wearing.

They will then google it and say “HOW MUCH??” Wow your mad for paying that etc.

Now I say “I can’t remember were I got it from, it was a children’s online shop I think” and I then change the subject.

altiara · 19/01/2020 21:28

I would stop discussing money with her.
If not, then say “I’ve taken your advice and am saving loads of money, thank-you”

Clothes- yes I bought it on eBay/local Facebook selling site or used up vouchers
Gym - got money off with the work benefits program
Holidays - special limited time deals
2nd house - we’re considering this with our financial advisor but think we’ll invest in stocks and shares/pensions instead

Just agree with what she says, hopefully it will take the wind out of her sails.

inwood · 19/01/2020 21:31

Just don't discuss it with her.

Sure, I could join a cheaper gym, 20 minutes drive away but I'll pay the extra for one two minutes walk away.

I want to go on holidays, not save every penny. What's the point in saving everything and never enjoying it?

I could carry on...

MyCatScaresDogs · 19/01/2020 21:39

In my experience, you can save money or you can save time. It’s unusual to be able to save both while simultaneously getting what you want, as the most convenient way of doing things is rarely the cheapest. There’s nothing wrong with having different priorities.

1Morewineplease · 19/01/2020 21:42

As a PP poster said, three months’ savings to live on isn’t big enough to feel chuffed about.
It sounds more that you enjoy spending money but are doing it just to keep within normal parameters.

What has your clothes size got to do with anything?
What has your commute time got to do with anything?
What exactly are you asking?
Sounds like you are being frivolous, relatively, and your sister has just made a comment about it.

Don’t fret about it. Spend your money as you wish and feel lucky that you are in this position.

MindYours · 19/01/2020 21:54

Tell her to fuck off and mind her own business

skiptheskip · 19/01/2020 21:55

YANBU

I'm all for paying for things to make my life easier. I value my free time at what I charge out my hourly rate for working.

If it takes me 30 minutes to get to the gym and then 30 minutes to get home again, I could have earned the monthly gym fee and then some in that one hour, so a cheaper gym further away isn't saving me money.

I can spend an hour scoring the internet for discount codes or to find something £20 cheaper, but wasting that hour has cost me more than the £20 I've saved.

Some people get as much of a thrill from saving a couple of quid on a purchase as others do from spending.

We don't discuss our finances at all with our family or friends.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/01/2020 21:59

Life is for living and you are working hard so don’t have to justify your spending to her.

I’d prefer more than a three months safety net so personally would be saving more for a while and cutting back on the trips.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 19/01/2020 22:13

People who think they know better than you about your own private affairs really do my head in. I have a aunt who thinks me and dh are drowning in debt because of the way we live, reality is although we are young (22 me and 26 him) we are mortgage free because he inherited the house we live in and I have good savings because of money I inherited when I was very young (my dads grandmother died and he was an only child and only grandchild and I was at that stage his only child and she left me money) and my parents put it all in savings for me. I used some to start up a now successful business and kept the rest in savings. So if I’m not in debt and have plenty of savings (I do add to these and a pension but count these as bills) why should I not buy whatever I want or spend what I want. Spend what you want op it’s your money and ignore her.

Reginabambina · 19/01/2020 22:26

So long as you are saving enough for retirement I don’t see the issue.

Oly4 · 19/01/2020 22:32

Your money, your business. Tell her to mind hers!

Tinty · 19/01/2020 22:34

I think the answer is to stop telling your sister when you buy things and don’t tell her how much they cost you.

squaky · 19/01/2020 22:38

Your ds doesn't value time, you do

Grobagsforever · 19/01/2020 23:01

You can always make more money, you can never make more time

Francina670 · 19/01/2020 23:01

I’m very happy to spend money to make my life easier. I think this is the main advantage to being better off. I value it way more than material things eg I’ll get a taxi to a hospital appointment because parking is a nightmare.

However I just couldn’t spend like this with only 3 months salary in savings. I need to feel more secure than that before I can be frivolous.

flirtygirl · 19/01/2020 23:09

Yep you do need to work on saving but apart from that, it sounds okay and it's none of your sister' business.

EmpressJewel · 19/01/2020 23:12

Spend your money on whatever you like.

However, I do think your dsis may have a point. Firstly, 3 months worth of savings isn't a lot of money in the event of redundancy, sickness etc. Which could happen to any of us.

Secondly, why pay more for something if you don't have to. Why not take a leaf out of your sisters book and do a bit of research before spending your money. You could save the difference for a rainy day (see above point) There is always a voucher code knocking around somewhere.

AgeLikeWine · 19/01/2020 23:16

It’s your money, you earned it so you can spend it on whatever you want.

I agree with others about one thing in your post, however. I am the first to admit that I am careful and cautious about money so I would want to be completely debt-free and have a lot more than three months income in savings before I would be comfortable with significant levels of unnecessary expenditure.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 19/01/2020 23:17

If you were skint at the end of the month, going without essentials, or getting into debt, then I would be able to see your sister’s point. However that doesn’t seem to be the case, so as long as you’re happy, and your partner is on the same page, I think it’s fine. I agree with the pp who says it’s about valuing time vs money. (I also think some people get a real kick out of bargain hunting.)

Jaxhog · 19/01/2020 23:23

The only point of money is to make your life easier (and other people's if you can afford it!) Having some savings IS a good idea, but it doesn't have to be a second home. And if you were in debt, I'd say more care was needed with your spending. But you're not, so ignore her. And ignore those who are suggesting spending lots of time looking for bargains. That's fine if you don't have the money and do have lots of time. It isn't essential.

ittooshallpass · 19/01/2020 23:25

Nothing wrong with enjoying your money. But as others have said, you'd be wise to have more savings to fall back on. 3 months is not a lot. So as long as your savings are in order and you have a good pension pot, what you spend the rest on is up to you.