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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this inappropriate?

64 replies

AmbitiouslyFit · 19/01/2020 16:56

I changed details as this is outing.

I have a friend (A) who I share secrets with. And a have a friend (B) that works in a department store. I’m not as close to B as I am to A. And A has never spoken to B but has seen her few times. They don’t know each other much at all.

Me and A and B are all of same ethnic origin which isn’t white. So we do things slightly differently.

I was speaking to friend A. And told her that friend B told me she knows one of her friends who is single and looking to find someone to be with. This happened as friend B and I were at a cultural thing which we frequently attend and so were talking about personal things. Friend A doesnt really take part. She told me some details about them and so on. I was interested but hesitant and told her I need time to think about it as was unsure.

Within 3 days, friend A who has never met friend B... goes to the department store where B works, and buys something from it. The store isn’t anything unique and in fact friend A works in a similar shop that sells the same things that she bought from B so she didn’t need to go there. And then proceeds to say hello to B and asks her if she knows someone looking for a relationship and insists on her, telling her that she knows me and so on. Except she was asking for herself not for me.

Friend B tells her about the one she told me about. But is finding this a bit strange as she doesn’t know friend A.. and texts me telling me that friend A passed by and outright asked her to help and so she did.

Friend B expecting that me and friend A speak about it as she knows we are close.

I didn’t tell friend B anything but friend A hasn’t mentioned this and I’m finding her behaviour a bit weird.

I’m just not sure why out of everyone she would go to that specific friend of mine who she hardly knows and go the distance to pretend to buy something just to get there first if you see what I mean..

Or am I overthinking this?

P.S. we really aren’t teenagers even if the behaviour sounds like it! I’m a bit baffled as this is way out of character for A... and I’m here to find out how to approach it!

OP posts:
Schmoozer · 19/01/2020 17:45

#baffled 😂

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/01/2020 17:45

I’m sorry. I can’t make head nor tail of this. In fact I never try very hard with these ABC threads.

JasonPollack · 19/01/2020 17:47

Does your mate normally compete with you for guys/attention etc? I think it's really weird.

LIZS · 19/01/2020 17:51

Weird, do people really manipulate their friends to set up ltr for each other?

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/01/2020 17:54

This who can't make it out, have you read everyone else's replies? If you dont get it from the OP, several others have posted a condensed version.

JemimaPuddleCat · 19/01/2020 18:28

Considering you were married with kids a few days ago, you sure have changed details haven't you?

VenusTiger · 19/01/2020 18:32

A knew you'd find out from B so it's not like she's gone behind your back, instead she's just decided first. You don't own the bloke. Maybe you should have just decided there and then instead of being so laid back about him. And maybe A thought she knew you well enough to know you'd not really be interested in the man so decided she'd date him instead. Now you're annoyed because you want what you can't have.

skiptheskip · 19/01/2020 18:33

well spotted @JemimaPuddleCat ...

@AmbitiouslyFit you were posting about your husband on 2nd Jan?

JasonPollack · 19/01/2020 18:59

What a weird thing to lie about. Was this the best you could come up with?

KurriKurri · 19/01/2020 19:06

So friend A has tried to muscle in on your possible date ?
Take her doooooown girlfriend

Jomarchsburntskirt · 19/01/2020 19:06

I didn’t understand a word of that.

followingonfromthat · 19/01/2020 19:07

Friend A is not your friend if she's done this behind your back. Trying to pinch a bloke right from under your nose is not the sort of thing friends do.

coconuttelegraph · 19/01/2020 19:08

That's quite some detail changing OP Grin

Elieza · 19/01/2020 19:09

Where’s the paracetamol, my head hurts....

frazzledasarock · 19/01/2020 19:12

Friend A sounds very desperate. Maybe she’s lonely, maybe she doesn’t want you to settle down first and sees herself in competition with you, I’ve come across women like that.

Are you interested in friend A B’s mate? If not I’d let friend A get on with it and if it ever comes up causally drop in that you know she went to friend B to force her to engineer an introduction to this chap.

TheReluctantCountess · 19/01/2020 19:16

That’s weird of A. She went up to someone who was little more than a stranger, and asked her to set her up with a friend.

Are you interested in the friend of B?

Original poster
AmbitiouslyFit · 19/01/2020 19:42

Grin sorry that does sound like a lot of gibberish.

Yes, friend A muscled in to get some matchmaking services from friend B who doesn’t know her, just because I confided in her about it.

Unfortunately age isn’t an excuse, she is 50. And no I lost interest because this sounds like headache.

But wondering what to make out of friend A.

P.s. digging out some threads doesn’t prove anything as I did say I changed some details , concept is same.

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/01/2020 19:48

Other threads suggest you have some very odd friends and interactions! Just ignore A and don't overshare.

DartmoorChef · 19/01/2020 20:02

"digging out some threads doesn’t prove anything as I did say I changed some details , concept is same.'

The concept is a load of bollocks unless your culture practices polygamy. Why would A think of introducing you to an available man when you are married with young children...

Poetryinaction · 19/01/2020 20:09

Asquared plus Bsquared equals Csquared.

Original poster
AmbitiouslyFit · 19/01/2020 20:19

Poetryinaction

Oh ok.

So A= sqrt (C2 - B2). Solved it there for me thanks.

Cultural relevance is that we are a small community in London and so being from the same background is an ice breaker and it could be why A felt comfortable with B, who she has never spoke to before.

But it also could be why she felt the need to muscle in as perhaps she feels like her options are limited if she wants someone from same ethnic background/community.

No this isn’t about polygamy, HTH.

Apparently A wasn’t keen once she found out info. I’m just wondering what made her take that 45 min journey. I’m a bit creeped out and embarrassed for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmbitiouslyFit · 19/01/2020 20:22

Truth is, I’m not the person in question. It’s my mum. And she is naive and trusts her friend in everything. And B is actually MY friend.

I’m trying to figure out how to say things to my mum to convince her that she shouldn’t blindly trust her friend in future.

She isn’t as bothered as me. I’m bothered on her behalf because that’s just weird petty behaviour.

Her friend isn’t lonely.

There there troll hunters. You made me spell out some outing details now. Let’s hope A isn’t on Mumsnet tonight.

OP posts:
coconuttelegraph · 19/01/2020 20:27

Ok, it makes a lot more sense now you've posted the actual problem.

It does sound a bit weird, I don't know what if anything you should do about it though

DartmoorChef · 19/01/2020 20:28

Don't worry, I'm sure A won't understand any of this either.