To feel not being physically attractive has held me back?

[bluejumpers]

I’ve done my best with what I’ve got, but the reality is I’m not attractive. I was an exceptionally strange looking child and teen and that triggered a lot of bullying. As a result, I’ve never had a relationship.

I’ve done OK work wise, but I definitely lack real connections with people.

Does anyone understand what I mean?

Yanbu. My only suggestion is that some very unattractive people end up looking quite attractive after taking up stuff like jogging - the bone structure obviously stays the same but the healthy glow and changes to face and neck with fat loss / muscle plus skin pores tightening etc etc can together really transform someone. The most attractive feature is glowing with health.

I am sorry to those posters on here who have been sexually assaulted multiple times but so have I, since early childhood, and I was not especially pretty nor am I now. Not ugly but no beauty. I have also suffered sexual harassment as an adult numerous times in spite of the fact I have been a size 30. (Maybe because boobs very big, but my hips and bum even bigger!)

I think your attitude may have something to do with it OP, some of your responses have been very dismissive of other people's experiences.

I was attractive when I was younger, it did have it's advantages. I found it easier to get customer facing jobs. People would hold doors open for me etc. On the flip side I was often cat called/beeped at by men. I was also groped a lot on nights out.

Now I am slightly overweight and don't have so much time to take care of my appearence, I do feel invisible, but in a way that is a good thing.

There is some evidence that more (classically) physically attractive people do better in life, jobs, money, status, relationships etc.

However looks fade to some extent. Better to cultivate characteristics that outlast that, like passion, self confidence, humour. They can all be attractive.

I think it was Lynda Bellingham (RIP) who used to say: people may not say I’m one of the most attractive woman in the room, but they will say I’m one of the funniest and a right laugh to be with.

There’s something in this. Agree that being beautiful makes life easier. I’d question whether it is that hard to be extremely beautiful. There’d be doors open to you as a rarity.

I’ve noticed a difference in how people treat me since I’ve become less attractive. I’m older and tired, I’m a mum so don’t have time for makeup, I’m still carrying some baby weight, I can’t afford clothes and hairdressers any more. People treat me like I’m invisible. Or if they have to interact with me you can tell they don’t think I’m anything special. Compared to before when people (men especially) used to smile and make conversation, do me favours, offer help if I was struggling, and turn their heads as I walked past.

Sadly OP, I think you’re right.

It shouldnt be the case but it is. It’s why I spend such a lot on grooming, surgery, fashion etc..

I’m someone who really has to work at it now, otherwise, I look like a man in drag.

Would you be willing to alter your looks to improve things? If so, maybe we could advise. If not then I think you have to accept yourself and just work on the assets you do have which include drive, a good brain, ambition and a long body (as a short-bodied, long-legged person, I’d kill to be like you. I look like a box on stilts!)