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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I did something very stupid.

39 replies

ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:27

Can anyone help me after I did the stupid thing?

Currently being divorced by my ex H. All amicable for the most part, but he is an absolute arsehole.

Rather outing but our DS recently had major surgery and still requires some care which I’m providing at home, nothing drastic, I’m perfectly capable. Today Ex phoned me after clearly quizzing our daughter to inform me that based on what she had said I was caring for my son’s surgery site incorrectly and I was neglecting him to the point that he would develop an infection and he would be coming round to care for it instead as I clearly wasn’t capable.

Thing is, I was observed providing this care by the nurses before leaving the hospital and they were perfectly happy with my ability. I phoned the hospital in tears just to double check I was right and they confirmed I was indeed correct in my care.

However in sheer frustration and anger at how he spoke to me I ripped up the petition of divorce that was sent to me this week that I had yet to respond to.

So yes, I’m an idiot. I know that.

I just need to know if there’s any way I can ask for another copy or something?

OP posts:
OverUnderSidewaysDown · 19/01/2020 16:29

Tell them a dog chewed it, or you had it in your pocket and put it through the wash by mistake.
And tell him to get lost regarding your care for your son.
Hope your boy is better soon.Flowers

Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:31

Would that be his solicitors who sent it to me? Or the court?

The whole thing was confusing me enough already! I shouldn’t have taken it out on the pieces of paper releasing me from the git’s hold though!

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 19/01/2020 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 19/01/2020 16:33

Don't let him in when he arrives. Doesn't sound very amicable to me. I am sure your care for your DS's surgery site is perfectly adequate.

As for the divorce petition, I would have thought you could get another copy?

Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:35

It’s amicable in the sense that we both want the divorce and there’s nothing to fight over. We’ve been separated over 6 years.

He is just very emotionally abusive still.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 19/01/2020 16:36

You could always say the petition got mangled in the post, so has arrived in an unusable state. That is believable, and is the sort of thing that does actually happen sometimes. I have had it happen once or twice.

pinkyboots1 · 19/01/2020 16:38

You can get another copy of the petition, look to see who it was sent by and get in touch in the morning, the court/solicitor will pop one in the post. You may get a small charge for it but is well worth it and you'll feel more in control again x

Longdistance · 19/01/2020 16:39

Why did he quiz dd? She’s not doing the care, so what would she know?
Tell him to bog off as you’ve spoken to the hospital to confirm the treatment and it was correct.
Ask solicitor for new documents as you spilt tea over them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:39

I’ll call his solicitors in the morning, perhaps they might send me another for a fee.

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 19/01/2020 16:39

tell him to piss off, do not let him in , and don't worry about the papers I'm sure it can be reissued without a major problem.

DinkyDaisy · 19/01/2020 16:39

Shoved in pocket and went through the wash.
I am a regular washer of money, tissues and notes!

Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:41

As it happens, DD is involved in her brother’s care, so she answered him correctly. He was the one who was misinformed.

OP posts:
Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 16:42

Thank you all. Pleading call to the solicitors tomorrow morning with a tale of woe!

OP posts:
ioioitsoff · 19/01/2020 16:48

If you don't object to the petition you don't have to return it (in England)

DivGirl · 19/01/2020 16:50

Spilt coffee on it is a good one - they'll be able to send you a new one no bother OP.

He sounds like a twat so I wish you a very happy divorce.

littlepaddypaws · 19/01/2020 16:54

i would do any talking with him through your solicitor. unless he's a medic what the hell does he know ?

category12 · 19/01/2020 17:08

Don't plead with his solicitors, just say you've lost the paperwork and need another copy. It's really not the end of the world and I can't for the life of me see why you'd need to plead or pay a fee.

Tistheseason17 · 19/01/2020 17:09

Yep, spilt coffee is what I'd go for and if they say, "that's still ok" you say, "oh, I assumed it wouldn't be so I've already shredded what was left"

BlueJava · 19/01/2020 17:16

Good luck OP. I wouldn't give them a tale of woe though! The "spilt coffee" is a good one, with the shredder if questioned further. I hope your DS is better soon.

Original poster
ikeakia · 19/01/2020 17:16

I only assumed it might be an issue as they’re representing him not me and as such owe me nothing. I’ll be very relieved if they do just send out another with no fuss.

I wish I hadn’t lost my temper, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel satisfying!

For the most part we are capable of communicating amicably, he’s just incredibly quick to jump to abusive any time he percieves there to be any failure or incompetence on my part. We are just very different people and he goes in for character assassination a lot when I don’t act how he thinks I should.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 19/01/2020 17:19

And does he know how to do the wound care? Was he shown?

XXcstatic · 19/01/2020 17:24

You spilt coffee on it and had to chuck it out, or you accidentally put it out with the recycling and it's gone. No biggie - they can issue another.

AnyOldPrion · 19/01/2020 17:26

I only assumed it might be an issue as they’re representing him not me and as such owe me nothing. I’ll be very relieved if they do just send out another with no fuss.

Bet you’ll ring, explain the document was damaged (no explanation required) and ask if another copy can be sent. I bet a receptionist will be able to handle it, and the only costs involved are her or his time taken to locate the document and print, paper, ink, envelope and stamp.

You feel silly because you did something a bit daft when angry (we’ve all done that) but the receptionist won’t care, nor will she or he have any personal loyalty to your arsehole ex.

It’ll be fine. Good luck with the divorce. Hope you have a shit hot lawyer.

Mummymummums · 19/01/2020 17:36

Did you tear up the acknowledgment of service? That's the only part you need to return to court and only the court could give you another copy. The solicitor won't have the acknowledgment of service and it's not a form available anywhere else other than from the court. If you have that, you just need a copy of the petition as some questions refer to it - for example, do you agree to pay costs if they've been asked for.
If you have the acknowledgment ask the solicitor (no pleading) for a copy of the petition. If you have neither then to get the acknowledgment you'll have to contact the court that issued the papers which I'm sorry to say is v likely to be a divorce centre and you'll likely be in a long queue.

Lifecanonlygetbetter · 19/01/2020 17:40

Pretend that you have never received it. Every time his solicitor sends you a letter asking for it, they will charge him at least £50.

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