I did something very stupid.

[ikeakia]

Can anyone help me after I did the stupid thing?

Currently being divorced by my ex H. All amicable for the most part, but he is an absolute arsehole.

Rather outing but our DS recently had major surgery and still requires some care which I’m providing at home, nothing drastic, I’m perfectly capable. Today Ex phoned me after clearly quizzing our daughter to inform me that based on what she had said I was caring for my son’s surgery site incorrectly and I was neglecting him to the point that he would develop an infection and he would be coming round to care for it instead as I clearly wasn’t capable.

Thing is, I was observed providing this care by the nurses before leaving the hospital and they were perfectly happy with my ability. I phoned the hospital in tears just to double check I was right and they confirmed I was indeed correct in my care.

However in sheer frustration and anger at how he spoke to me I ripped up the petition of divorce that was sent to me this week that I had yet to respond to.

So yes, I’m an idiot. I know that.

I just need to know if there’s any way I can ask for another copy or something?

I would have thought you’d have ripped it open, kissed it, signed it and run to the post offices to send ASAP!!

@ikeakia how was exh misinformed? Who by? Is he emotionally abusive towards your dd as well?

Don't use an excuse for another copy, say nothing and if they ask, you've misplaced it. More simple.

What did you do with the bits?
Piece them back together and check what exactly it was and who sent it.
Then just ask for another - no point hanging round for the number of days before they say they haven't received it. It will just delay stuff.

Do nothing. Plead ignorance unless you have told him you received it. Another will come along in due course. Don't be spending any more money on the jeb end asshole tosspot.

Who hasn't done something silly in anger?
Make the call. Don't over think it.

Sign straight away and embrace your new freedom.
No judgement here!

@ikeakia "As it happens, DD is involved in her brother’s care, so she answered him correctly. He was the one who was misinformed."

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse for the misogynistic twat, up pops this comment! Why do uninformed men always assume a woman is incapable?

he’s just incredibly quick to jump to abusive any time he percieves there to be any failure or incompetence on my part.

He's just incredibly quick to manufacture examples of supposed failures and supposed incompetence as an excuse to control you.

He doesn't genuinely perceive these as failures etc. It's not misinformation. He's twisting things to create opportunities for himself to exert control over you.

And those character assassinations aren't a sign isn't it being different people, they're part of his pattern of control- he has broken down your confidence in yourself.

This was a deliberate attempt at control. If in time you can learn to spot them for the abuse it is (rather than reverting to the way you've been conditioned to respond by blaming or doubting yourself) you will become stronger.

Don't confuse submitting to him and therefore continuing to be under his control with things being amicable.

Have you had a chance to do the Freedom Programme?

A divorce petition is just a file on a computer - no big deal to send another one.

His solicitors shouldn’t charge you. Just ask for a duplicate.

I rather suspect this kind of thing happens a lot. The solicitors will pop another in the post.

Thank you all for being so kind.

In all honesty I hadn’t had the chance to fully look through exactly what was there more than a flick through and seeing it was the petition. Sounds bad I know, but I’ve had so much bigger stuff on my mind than him. I didn’t even know where it was meant to be sent back to.

I’ll give them a call and see exactly what it was.

You could say it landed in a flooded hallway when it arrived but don't offer to pay or you will end up paying.

Don't make up an elaborate excuse - just say it was accidentally damaged and you need a replacement copy. Or you could call and say you were (eagerly) expecting it, can they make sure it was sent and confirm when you will receive it. They'll send another copy no problem.

Doesn't sound very amicable to me, OP. You are getting divorced so he doesn't get to be abusive just because he can. Amicable is rational, adult conversation. Was he being deliberately abusive to try to get you to sign the docs?

I think you need a set text you send when he's being a twat. Something like 'I will only speak with you once you are able to have a reasonable conversation with me. Please do not contact me until you are able to discuss this calmly.' Or something equally non descript.

Just ring and say you've misplaced the documents in the bin.